Romans & histoires Dirty Stories Funny

“Let the whole neighborhood see what a used-up, cock-hungry bitch lives in this big, fancy house.” And then Mr. Henderson does something that makes me come on the spot. He doesn’t look away. He sets his coffee down, unzips his trousers, and pulls out his own old, shriveled cock, starting to stroke it slowly, his eyes glued to us. “Oh my god,” I moan, the voyeurism sending me over the edge. “He’s jerking his little old man dick to us! He’s beating his meat watching you own me!” “Fuck yeah, he is,” Leo grunts, his pace becoming frantic. “Look at you. You’re not a lady. You’re a fucking public jack-off fantasy. A free porno for the whole block.”

“It's not easy, baby. I really hope you guys get to settle soon. I really adore you guys chemistry.” “Thanks so much.” I said with teary eyes. “Among all of our men, which do you think has the fattest cock?” Melissa delved in. Naughty girl. She's always thinking about smut, nothing else. I couldn't help but be amused by her dirty thoughts. “How are we supposed to know?” Ivy chuckled. “But I will proudly say it's my man. He's got the fattest cock. You know as a warrior, exposed to hard training, his cock is so large and veiny.”

“I remember! He made you all clean the stables for a month!” The door opened, and Ansre walked in. He stopped as he entered inside and raised his eyebrows in surprise. He was staring at me, at my laughing face. I wiped a tear from my eye and noded at him. “Andre. Come in. We are just remembering the Great Mud Ditch disaster of our youth.” Andre walked over, with a small hesitant smile on his face. “Let me in on the joke. I need a good story.” I recounted it again, and Andre laughed too, it sounded genuine. Good. Normal.

I would rather die than settle for that harlot. "She did you good," Landon, one of my best friends, says with a hilarious laugh as he watches my embarrassing video for the umpteenth time. "Can you stop watching that? It's annoying," I inform him with a frown. "I am sorry," he says, trying to stop his laughter but failing miserably. "It's just; I have never seen you get roasted by a woman, no less," he confesses in total amazement. "You can imagine my humiliation," I say bitterly, as the two strippers adjacent to me gently massage my shoulders.

What started off as a fairly subdued group quickly opened up as each of them told funny stories about themselves, knowing that Mark, Myra and Maddy didn't really know any of them. Mark told them of how he'd been so hungover in a lecture at college once that he'd fallen asleep and when he woke up it took him three hours to discover he had drawings on his face. Maddy told them of a photoshoot she'd done where she fainted in front of a client but still got the job, and of how she once did the infamous 'skirt-tucked-into-her-underwear' thing and no-one told her.

Good one. "Am I so bad?" I asked, voice hoarse. "According to the tabloids, you're squeaky clean... no drugs, no partying, no late-night orgies." "Oh well." I exhaled. "Sorry to disappoint, but I had the best orgy a few weeks ago, drugs everywhere, alcohol..." Dani burst out laughing. "Oh, I'm sure." "Fine. I'm tame. And boring. I like reading. And the last time I went to a party, I left early because Outlander was on."

A bead of saliva dripped off Will as he pulled his throbbing member free and stood with his pants around his ankles and a hard-on. They were both surprised for a moment. They tried not to laugh. But then it overcame them and they could hardly contain themselves. With each belly laugh they would cut loose another fart, making the moments even more hilarious. The smell was atrocious and Leanne sprayed perfume on her muff and in the crease of her ass to cover the aroma. Will put some down the front of his underwear to help with the smell too. ******** The Affair::

Rehana had already passed out while Rudra was talking. Rudra and Anu shared some of their high school stories, most of them were embarrassing. Ana turned all red when Rudra told us how she went strip poking in front her landlady when she was drunk. I had to bite my lips to the point they bled, to stifle my laughter. "That must be quite a show." I added while chuckling. "Oh, Shut up, not you too." My wife groaned beside me. "Actually it's fine you can do that again if you want, just make sure I am in the audience. The only audience to be more precise."

“Ummm let’s see, I had 2 packs of m&m’s this morning at like 4 am with a shot of expresso, then after the meeting Stephano called, I ate a few skittles and drank a bottle of coke.” I could feel myself become more and more horrified with each word that came out of her mouth. “How are you still alive?” I ask with real wonder and surprise in my voice. “I’m Ava fucking Ferrari, a little sugar is not going to kill me, I once ate a whole pepperoni pizza while drinking 3 bottles of champagne on my own when my boyfriend broke up with me.” “AVA THAT’S NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!!” At this Ava started laughing like a fucking crazy person while jumping on my bed for some reason.

" A screenshot followed. I slowly opened it. It was the club's internal staff group chat — the one Mr. Noel ran for scheduling and announcements that had quietly become a gossip channel after hours. Message after message, name after name. Girls I had worked alongside for over a year, some of whom I had covered shifts for, all of them talking about me like I was a stain they'd been tolerating. "Dark Bird thinks she's special. "Always disappearing early. Where does she goes to?" "Noel gives her the big ones because she does extras. You know what I mean."