Eric Cartman Funny Novels & Stories

Carter asked, as he put his hands on the white slut's head and began doing just that. "Yeah, have your balls bounce off her chin," Barbie encouraged, loving seeing a white whore gag on her man's massive missile. Karen tried to not gag, but as all nine inches tickled her tonsils and his big black balls bounced off her chin she couldn't help but back off and cough. "Did anyone tell you to fucking stop?" Carter questioned, as he slapped her across the face with his dick. "Sorry," Karen apologized, tears forming in her eyes, not from sadness, but from gagging, "you're just so big."

Carl called softly as he clutched the tip of my blouse with his hands. A warm smile spread across my face as I lowered my head to make eye contact with him and listened intently to what she had to say. "Mom. I'd like that ice cream. Can we have some, please?" He inquired, and I followed his attention to a lanky man with my artificial bunny ears fastened to his head. He was at an ice cream vendor with a variety of colored cups on display. Carl couldn't stop laughing at the sight of his enormous rabbit ears.

Carter is so much out of character right now that I'm surprised that the rest of his own pack members aren't looking at him funny. As Carter talked to us, he shook our hands. He's shaking them so enthusiastically that it feels as if he is trying to pull my arm out of the shocket. “Well, I should go make sure Liam is behaving himself. Hope you have a good time. It was nice to see you again if you end up leaving, without saying, good that’s ok.” With that, he walked off.

Fifteen year old me would kill to have one like that. Suddenly soft paws of the giant bear grabbed my shoulder. Frightened , I screamed and tried to fight off the foam filled monster. My fist connected with its soft belly, then I karate chopped its neck. All my moves felt ineffective but I was finally free. The teddy bear raised its hands up in defeat while I contemplated my sanity. It reached for it’s head and pulled it off revealing a grinning Cartwright. “What the fuck Cartwright!” He pressed his hand to his lips to signify that he wanted silence, before he placed the head back on and went limp. I understood why a second

*Fuuu-uuuck* this guy just did it for me. “Hey, Ryan,” I hear as I pass by. I turn to see Carter smiling at me, while his friends watch and giggle. “Hey, Carter,” I mumble. I try to smile, but it probably comes off as more of a grimace. I hurry past, hearing Patrick (dickhead) guffaw. When I look back, Carter is watching me. There’s a look on his face. Disappointment? Frustration? What was that? Probably my imagination.

Carter said. I was a little surprised to see him this early. I was a little anticipated to see him at tryouts. "Hey, Carter. I'm sorry too. I wasn't paying attention either." I smiled feeling a little embarrassed. "Yeah, all good. What have you so distracted? Your phone is not in your hand like mine. What's your excuse?" He said chuckling. " Uh um, this may sound a little weird and embarrassing. I think I just saw my dead best friend. Of course, it wasn't her because that will be crazy." I said chuckling.

The world tilted the wrong direction and I almost tipped forward into the locker door. “Take it easy, Miss Clumsy,” Carter said, that smirk in place like it was permanently screwed into his face. He had the kind of voice that sounded devilish (yunno Lucifer the Angel with the nice voice hehe) ,Green eyes like knives (idk how on earth someone as evil as him could posses such eyes) I pulled my shoulders back and tried for a normal tone. “Last time I checked I don’t need your opinion.” Well it didn't sound as intended ( I sounded like a duck and a Chihuahua had a baby, and that baby was having a panic attack.)

“So tell me: what the fuck is the problem now?” Carter laughs, but it’s a cold, lopsided laugh, the kind that carries more disgust than humor. “Do you really want to convince yourself that you’ve always been like this?” He tilts his head, studying me critically. “Do you want to lie to my face and say you’re not at rock bottom?”

"I'm not reading into anything. I'm just observing that you laughed at my joke earlier. Actually laughed, not the polite fake laugh you do when you're being professional." Carter was smiling slightly. "Made me realize I haven't heard you really laugh in years." "You made a joke about Marcus's lawyer looking like he wanted to cry. It was objectively funny." I tried to remember laughing, couldn't pinpoint the moment. "Doesn't mean anything." "Maybe not. But it was nice. Seeing you less guarded for a second." Carter went back to his food. "I miss that version of you. The one who laughed at stupid jokes and got excited about strategy sessions."

One of my guys grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to stay on his knees. Carter couldn’t dodge this time. I kept hitting him until my own breathing turned heavy. Until my chest rose and fell hard. Until my hands shook, not from exhaustion, but from satisfaction. And the sick part? He was still laughing. Not loud. Just a low, broken sound, mixed with blood. I stopped, my eyes on him. “You can still laugh?” I asked. Carter lifted his face slightly. Blood dripped from his lip. “Yeah,” he rasped. “I’m just surprised.”