Funniest Cartman Novels & Stories

“But I couldn’t do that.” “Might be good for him.” “I couldn’t hurt him. Not on purpose.” She sensed Jack’s hesitation and her gaze zoomed to him. “What?” “Can I give you some advice, Macie?” “Sure.” “Carter is a great guy. But his artistic nature sometimes causes him to do stupid things that make sense to him at the time.” Macie thought of Carter’s over-the-top reaction to her sitting on the back of a mechanical bull. Yeah. That made sense.

I gritted out. He sits up straight again. "Okay, hold up man. But she hasn't tried anything crazy since you found her in your house, right?" "Not yet, but I know she will soon. She is a fucking lunatic!" I said and gulped the remaining drink in my glass. Carter burst into laughter again. He doesn't know how angry I am right now. Everything is always a joke to him until I punch that silly face that he uses to deceive girls. "Sorry dude, can't help it. This is so fucking hilarious. I can't believe a girl who is not Megan, is getting you this worked up"

“They want your mate. That happened!” And let me tell you…for the first time in his life, Max poops in his pants. He went completely white and if Meredith wouldn’t be there to hold him he would have fallen on the floor. “Will you shut up, father?” Carter said and came to Max , taping his shoulder. “No one will take your mate. He was just joking.” and gave an ugly look to the old man. “What are you doing old man?’ he asked grandpa “Do you want to start a war here?”

But he just stood there, impassive, as if he hadn't heard a word we'd said. To our utmost surprise, Mr. Carter burst into a chuckle. The chuckle grew louder and louder, turning into full-blown laughter. His laughter was wild and uncontrolled, and he clapped his hands as he laughed. The laughter caught us off guard, and we stood there in shock as Mr. Carter's laughter grew louder and more unhinged. His hands were clapping wildly, and he seemed to be losing control. Was he having a breakdown? We were at a loss for what to do. My mother and I stared at him in disbelief, worried that he had lost his mind. The thought occurred to us that we might be on our own now. Mr. Carter has always been our

“That usually happens once a week.” “I never realized it was that bad.” I thought out loud. “What a bunch of racist assholes.” I scoffed. Carter burst out laughing again, looking at me with a twinkle in his light blue eyes. “What?” I blinked. “Does it not apply to species? Should I have said a bunch of speciesist assholes?” Carter let out another loud chortle. That was something I never knew about Carter in the books. He laughed like a middle-aged white dad from suburbia.

He froze. "You-. can-. See-. Me-. Right? Kiikikikik." He thinks this is the end of his life that he always longed for, but still, it's pathetic if he dies due to a paranormal experience like this. As he accepted his destiny, he heard chuckles from various directions. “Pfft-haha. Hahahahaha." “Hahahaha Havi, you are funny!” “Did you catch it on camera? His face is so tense! You're nuts, dude! Ha ha ha ha!" Clement laughed so hard that he even clutched his stomach.

“Sis, what’s wrong? Did Chris say something to you? Tell me, and I’ll go deal with him right now!” “No.” Layla quickly glanced at their soaked clothes, seizing the opportunity to change the subject. “You’re both drenched. Go home and change before you catch a cold.” “Pfft, this?” Carter waved dismissively, beaming with satisfaction. “Totally worth it. I only wish I had my phone on me. I should’ve recorded the whole thing so you could see Shane’s pathetic face! It was priceless!” He laughed as he recounted the scene. “We only dunked him a few times, and the guy was already screaming for mercy! A grown man, bawling like a baby? Too damn funny! Let’s see if he still dares to run his mouth after

Violet had witnessed everything beside him, and she almost burst into laughter. Can you imagine a man who is 1.87 meters tall in size, but he had a hard time swallowing a pill the size of his pinky fingernail? What she saw that day was an eye-opener. Violet thought of the joke when she watched the cartoon before. "Carson, I suddenly remembered that there is a cartoon character that is very suitable for you." Carson was desperately pouring water into his mouth. As soon as he heard Violet talking about the cartoon character, his eyes immediately lit up.

What was telling me wasn’t funny at all, it sounded traumatic yet he seemed to be choking with held-up laughter. He shook his head as the amusement in his eyes intensified. Curiosity rose within me as I wanted to know what was so funny he couldn’t say it in front of a lady. “Don’t say, I didn’t warn you,” he said raising his finger. “Try me,” I replied wiggling my brows playfully. “I haven’t told you what distracted me,” he said and then a smile got plastered on his perfectly carved face as he resumed narrating. “The captain of my team refused to quit eating dumplings last night despite all our warnings. During the training this morning, with each squat and jump he did, he kept on farting!”

I finally let the words out, feeling my heart beat increase in anticipation for his answer. A pin drop silence wash over us for a few minutes and all of a sudden, Abel burst out laughing. I stared at him in shock wondering what was so funny "you... You want a job at Carters?" He laughed again and I only stared, wondering if I should call an ambulance. "That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard" he calm down, wiping tears from his eyes "and what exactly do you want to do in my company princess, won't your father have me arrested for making his beloved daughter lift a finger?" He mocked and I lowered my head.