Funniest Cartman Novels & Stories

"Moms. Can't keep anything from their daughters." My eyes widened in horror. "What?! I actually passed out in front of everyone?!" He paused—too long—and then bit his lip, trying to choke back a laugh. I squinted at him. This motherfucker. "You're messing with me, aren't you?" I scowled. Carter lost it, bursting into laughter. "Took you long enough." "You are sick! That's not even funny!" He gave me a mocking bow. "Always here to serve, Hailey."

Life’s so unfair, man. “What does a spoon matter when we’re literally stuck in the middle of the woods with invisible monsters, shady, bad men and whatever else creeps around here? Can you please, for once, use your brain and kick some sense in the gear?” He whisper-hisses, so red in the face, he reminds me of a tomato. “You could join a casting for vegetable commercials looking like this,” I remark and laugh at the brilliant joke my brain just reacted. Shit, am I not the funniest guy out there? Look at me - sense of humor, looks, body and an impressive spoon collection, I have it all, damn it. No wonder my little vixen couldn’t deny me.

and not move. But by the time he turned around the rest of us had already ran back to the vehicle we had come in. He ended up running to .. seeing him run with that ox chasing right behind him — and the look on his face — it sounds scary. But it was honestly the funniest thing I’d ever seen. Soon as he was safely back inside the vehicle with us and the door shut, I busted out laughing. Pretty soon we were all in tears. “I got that on video..” I told them. And then we immediately all busted out laughing again.

“I mean, what are you doing in a storage closet at a fundraiser? You look like you’d rather be in court, or in a classroom” He huffed a quiet laugh. “Is it that obvious?” “Painfully” my mouth curved slightly. I noticed he smiled a faint smile but it was just for a second. His sharp dark green eyes shone in the dimly lit room. “This isn’t the first time we’ve been in a room together, alone” I blurted out. “That’s not funny,” Carter said coldly, but I could see through him. He didn’t find it funny but he was definitely amused.

Why am I getting upset about it though? I opened the refrigerator and found myself a milk shake then sat on the couch. Today's new year, but you just left just like that. even without a wish. so much for loving me. I placed the carton on the table in front of me and stared at it. the carton had a picture of a cow laughing at me. "Why are you laughing at me? Are you mocking me? You can't laugh when you're dead." I took the carton and dumped it in the trash before going into my room again.

He shrugged, relaxing back into the chair. "Wow." The cartoon started, and with my popcorn in hand, my attention was fully on the Tv. Okay.. a robot gone rogue, this should be good. Actually I won't say it went rogue, just kind of broken. I thought I would be able to keep a straight face, and a detached vibe.. but it wasn't possible, the cartoon was just too funny for me to remain impenetrable. "Nah, he didn't. Ha! That's funny, and what is with grandma's goat."

" Uhhh... Maybe Yes." " Oh, I'm Sorry! Wrong Answer. When a cow laughs, Ice cream comes out of her nose. You do not win any tickets." Peter laughed then hung up I laughed heartily at that " It was... Hysterically funny!!" He was giggling heartily as holding his stomach " I can imagine his face!" " Poor guy took that question seriously." I laughed more " Yep, another one." We called some other people and made fun of them until this least " Hey!" A woman replied

A bone! Carter was sobbing, crying and screaming like I've heard many of my victims do before and I couldn't stop my laugh. My laugh could be heard between his screams of agony as I took a step back and looked at his two guards who also had peed and even shat all over their once crisp white king sized beds.

I pouted even more, too drained to argue anymore. He smirked. “You look super cute when you sulk. Keep that up till tomorrow, okay? Ahahaha!” He laughed like a cartoon villain and sped off before I could throw a sandal at him. “Ugh, he’s so annoying!” I grumbled, watching him ride off. I thought Mbin was the most irritating one, but turns out there’s someone even worse! Hasan the Snitch, traitor of the year!

Joe gave a little moan as the old guy fondled Bambi’s huge jugs. “She’s got a great rack eh buddy?” Joe said to the guy sitting on his left, smiling stupidly. “You can say that again,” the man nodded, sporting an equally stupid smile. “She’s got a great rack eh buddy,” Joe repeated with a laugh, Joe wasn’t exactly the funniest guy in the world, despite his own opinion of himself. The other guy grimaced at Joe’s poor attempt at humor and diverted his attention back to Bambi as she moved on to a young man’s lap and rubbed her warm cleavage in his face.