Funny Cartman Novels & Stories

status to flirt with female colleagues from other departments. I tolerated it, telling myself he was just networking. But now, just to impress Miguel and get ahead, he couldn't wait to trample all over me. I let out a short, humorless laugh. "Todd Westman, what right do you have to lecture me?" His eyes darted around for a second before he raised his voice even louder. "I'm just saying this as a colleague who knows right from wrong! You should know what's good for you, Macy!" Looking at his hypocritical, revolting expression, I couldn't even be bothered to argue. I picked up the iced coffee on my desk and, without hesitation, splashed it straight in his face.

"I'm not here to fight. I'm just here to see my lovely brothers and ask them about their plans for our lovely father's pack. That's all, Gaby," I gritted my teeth, taking in all the control I could before I would snap and break his bones. Gosh! I hated the fact that Carter was still breathing. "That pack belongs to the rightful person, Carter. Don't you dare do anything stupid? Understood?" He whistled through his nose, then started laughing again. A deep frown creased my forehead as I watched him hit his knees as he laughed again and again. "Dear heavens, you're so funny, Gabriel. You should consider stand-up comedy, dude. What an amazing show you just put up?"

That was when Sunny came up to me, whispering into my ear, "Here comes the prank!" Even as my mind went blank, he pulled out a remote and pressed a button, and everyone's heads jerked around as a recording of Andy's voice boomed. "I feel like I could get sick everytime I see Jane's face! She's actually eating leftovers out of a chute!" "I wouldn't even date her, if I didn't have to get Mandy's favorite crystal shoes with this prank." "Someone like her is fated to be a garbage picker. And she wants to marry me? Dream on!"

Austin pointed out. “Oh, but not when she has a lot to gain by obeying my wishes, as do you, for that matter.” Mr. Carter replied, bursting into a raucous laughter that quickly turned into a coughing fit. Christina watched him stonily and wished that the coughing fit would turn into a heart attack and he would die right there and then, while Austin went to get the old man a glass of water from the water dispenser in a corner of the room, an amused smile on his face.

It was fake一it must be! “Ha-ha-ha…” He burst out laughing aloud once again. He found it amusing that the Carters put up such a low-quality act for him. They were faced with imminent death, yet they still tried to play a trick like this on him. Did they really think that they could deceive him?

“Sal, you’re quite a brute. You saw him in this state this morning, and you still made him work? It’s obvious his girlfriend was trying to pass you a message. She wanted you to send her man back home to her. “Mr. Carter laughs and I swallow as I watch Sal’s fists clench while he forces a laugh. “What can I say? Work is work, and pleasure is pleasure. One shouldn’t get in the way of the other. “He replies, and the room rumbles with laughter again. “Ugh! You’re too uptight. I’m sure you’re so serious cause you haven’t gotten laid in a while. You should follow in your assistant's footsteps. Get a few shags. It’ll help loosen you up. “Mr. Carter teases, and Sal forces a smile before sending me a

One of my guys grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to stay on his knees. Carter couldn’t dodge this time. I kept hitting him until my own breathing turned heavy. Until my chest rose and fell hard. Until my hands shook, not from exhaustion, but from satisfaction. And the sick part? He was still laughing. Not loud. Just a low, broken sound, mixed with blood. I stopped, my eyes on him. “You can still laugh?” I asked. Carter lifted his face slightly. Blood dripped from his lip. “Yeah,” he rasped. “I’m just surprised.”

my wife says, with a smile, “Some people are crazy enough to believe in that.” “Ok, so you need a defense against some crazy person then,” he says, confidently, “No problem! I’ve got training, as you know.” “Not exactly,” I say, surprised at the turn this conversation has taken,“We need your help because it’s true.” “What? You guys, that’s hilarious,” he responds, misreading the situation entirely, “Did Amber think this up? You know, when we were kids she used to pull the craziest practical jokes! Did I ever tell you about the milk carton?”

He smiles at me, showing off his dimples, "Friendly" "I honestly don't understand you at all" I mumble under my breath. This man is infuriating. Karter flashes me an amused grin, "What exactly do you not understand about me?" "The fact that you're so moody. One second you're a gentlemen and are opening up. The next you're yelling at me because your coffee is cold? Like what is up with that?" I ask letting out a huff. Karter starts chuckling. I look up at him with furrowed eyebrows, "What's so funny?" I ask.

he sneered through the line. “You had my fingers cut off, you son of a bitch. What do you think? The best I’ll ever be again is a fur baby for some animal freak like you. You want to kill me, do it. You want me working at your club of freaks, I’m yours, but the shit with everyone else stops.” His breathing had grown louder and more erratic. I could picture his face in my mind. The fucking man was turned on. I’d handled so many kinks but Cartwright was in an entirely different league. I knew the rumored snuff films were no rumor.