Funny Lotr Novels & Stories

“We are welcome.” “What were you laughing at?” In all our weeks together, I could not remember him ever laughing in such a carefree way. “Ah, Gresthak and I fought together many years ago,” Aurien replied lightly. “It was nothing.” The soldiers turned in unison and began their march back towards the rock face. We followed tightly behind. “Magic,” I observed as they seemed to walk through rock. The horses did not like following, their eyes telling them that they were walking into something solid.

But all of a sudden, the fear he saw in Aragorn's eyes was gone, and Aragorn began to laugh which made Chaos raise his eyebrows. "What's funny? You're about to die." Chaos reminded him. "You said this is where my journey ends, whereas it is just my beginning," Aragorn said. "You are the biggest f0ol here, Chaos." Chaos, angered by that insult, wanted to hold Aragorn's neck and remove it from his body but Aragorn was gone from where his black mist had caged him.

I said, my voice carrying a hint of sarcasm. Thorin chuckled, the sound deep and warm. “You’re impossible.” “And you’re annoying,” I shot back, taking a sip. The wine burned a little as it went down, but it felt good, comforting even. “But I’m right,” he said, sounding smug. “You need rest. Tonight was rough enough.” I laughed a little, shaking my head. “Rest? After what just happened? Not a chance. My head’s spinning, Thorin. That thing… it wasn’t just some animal. It was something else.”

"Keep your smartass comments to yourself. God, I'm starving" "Really? What a surprise? I would have never guessed from the thunder rumbling from your stomach" "If not for some sucker almost killing me, I wouldn't be in this condition," Willow said, throwing daggers at Lothaire with her eyes. "I... I..." "There there, no need to sniffle. I can understand your emotions" "Watch it, tinker bell. If I don't know any better, I would say you are flirting with me" "God, you are delusional too. They sure messed with your brain. You are good to look at until you open your mouth. And yes, pun intended "

But even in the middle of that, I was also listening to Layla nagging about Shane. "Hey, what's funny?" "Nothing" "Then why were you laughing?" She asked again and I chuckled. "Nothing" She looked at me and huffed. "God, I'm starting to hate you so much" "Yeah, I know." My response seemed to get on her nerves cause she gritted her teeth and stormed off with fisted hands. "God, I'm tired. I need one of those cancer sticks" "Wait. What do you mean by that?" Theoden asked in shock but I was already off. These guys take things too seriously, they have to slow the fuck down.

He rasped dryly as Lord Brarthroroz chuckled heartily and dismissed him with a gesture. Lexi frowned at his retreating back as he seemed to glide down the corridor to an unknown destination. "He's really no fun to tease at all.." She complained. "Yes... you find with Lich's, they don't really seem to grasp humor as well as the living." Lord Brarthroroz answered with a sigh. "It's not his fault, another century or so and he may crack smile. One can hope.." He sighed. Ann looked between the two of them and a small smile played at the edges of her mouth as she chuckled at Adam's incredulous expression.

"What a glorious mess it was, with wolves tripping over their own tails and warriors fighting their very shadows instead of the real enemy! And don't get me started on the haunts, for even our finest trackers mistook a donkey for a stray werewolf!" This caused the crowd to erupt with laughter, the sound rolling in waves all through the arena. He continued, cracking another joke about a rogue who ran headfirst into a tree mid-battle. The audience responded again, clapping and stamping, as they were drunk in his spectacle and jest. Me? Not in the least.

His voice was like scraping knives Disregarding the skin desperately in need of moisturizer, I instantly hated Dumah. “He isn't Miss Manners either,” I scoffed. “So what are you? A Nazgul? Is Samael Sauron and I some wayward hobbit?” Dumah wheezed with laughter. “ITS BRAINS ARE ADDLED, I SEE. KNOCK IT ABOUT ONE TOO MANY TIMES ON THE DEATHBED, ROT LORD?”

I got in a crash and lost everything from one second to the other. Is it the same with her? Did she lose something, too? "Look, that's you and Gray!” she says all of sudden, with a teasing little smile. It's a scene with Gandalf and Saruman, his mentor. Both of them are just as tall and lanky as us. I burst out laughing, "Two bigass warlocks. Oh, sh—now they're fighting." I chuckle, realizing I'm having more fun listening to her commentary than watching my comfort movie, so I continue doing so. I even turn my body to her so I can be more comfortable.

"What are you talking about, Prince Rauthorn? You dwarves are nothing but crazy shagging, fighting, and drinking machines!" The whole room burst into a chorus of drunken laughter. Prince Rauthorn suddenly stood up, anger in his eyes. "What in hel did you call my people, you white-haired whoreson?" The two stared at each other for a moment and the whole room went silent. They both moved closer to each other by putting their hands on the table and leaning in, their faces nearly touching, then the anger in their faces slowly disappeared and turned into big grins. "You know what, Lord Konoiki? You are fucking right! We Dwarves are shagging, fighting, and drinking machines!"