Funny Random Things Novels & Stories

“Or… Catfish.” A laugh slipped from me—real, unsteady, broken at the edges. “Yeah, that’s right. If you don’t wake up soon, I’ll start naming our baby after random animals. Catfish. Platypus. Hedgehog.” I laughed again, the sound bubbling up unexpectedly, sharp and almost hysterical in the sterile quiet. My chest shook with it, but then it broke off suddenly, and the silence that followed hit harder than before. My throat closed. My laughter died.

A random act of violence. Fuck that.

Hey Nate, Did you do a weird thing? Let's see. You read comments on an online support group, saw one that caught your interest, couldn't suppress the urge to talk to the girl that wrote said comment, sent her the oddest email she's ever read, and then decided to forget that he ever sent the email in the first place. Is that weird? I'll leave you to answer that for yourself. And yes, I do have a sense of humor. Usually the dark kind, but it's still humor nonetheless, isn't it? But nowadays, very few things make me laugh. So,I don't know what to make of it. Does that still count as having a good sense of humor?

I had to go crazy and hump a random guy before it stopped. Her: oh geez! I need to award myself with gold, aren't I amazing? (Teary laughing emoji) Me: (bored) get a life and get married. Her: when there are so many cocks to try? Never! (Extreme laughing) But don't worry, your package may or may not contain anything sexual and shocking. Just remember to take a pic of your expression and send it to me, I have to see. Me: if it's a stupid thing, don't ever come back to Washington or you're screwed!

FuN FaCt: There's a world record for the most world record titles 🌎 Have a great day everyone Love ya'll 🥰

😂 Unlock the next hilarious episode with 2k likes. 😎😎😎

emoji. The messages arrived at random times throughout the day. A photo of his coffee cup with the caption "Fuel for another thrilling day of capitalism." A link to an article about workplace productivity with the comment "Thought you might find this amusing." Simple things that somehow made even the longest days feel a little less lonely.

The authentic Monet he'd spent two million on, the box of limited-edition cigars he'd brought back from Cuba himself, the collection of rare vinyl he treasured more than anything. I picked up an ashtray and hurled it at them. The sound of shattering glass was sharp and clear, and it felt exhilarating. I used every heavy object I could find. With each crash, I felt the knot in my chest loosen a little. Breathing heavily, I surveyed the wreck I had made of the room. Just as I was about to leave, Rhys returned, carrying shopping bags filled with gifts. None of them were things I liked. They were obviously for Noa.

Then I looked back and said the most random thing I didn’t know I could say “Haven't you seen a pretty woman today?”

𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. 𝗔𝗡𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁, 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝗜 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗶𝗺. 𝗪𝗲 𝗱𝗶𝗱𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘁.