Funny Snape Novels & Stories

Orion snorted, sending a spray of toothpaste into his beard. "Harriet, what kind of half-baked remark was that?" I shot her a dirty look. Harriet was losing her touch, if that's all she could come up with as an amusing comment. "You know, in Harry Potter, Harry could hear the snake moving around in the pipes." Harriet shook her head as she crossed her arms defensively. "I could hear you through the pipes. You guys were so loud I couldn't hear the echo of my own moans." I hopped to my feet and waddled over to the couch. I placed the back of my hand on Harriet's forehead. "No, you don't have a fever. Harriet, honey, I think that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say."

I snap taking the bite of food drake shoves in my face “Well come on, hes big and scary and hes like a little puppy around you, its a mindboggle” “Hes just a pussy, lilly basically wears his balls around her neck” Fiona snaps not looking up, drakes jaw drops and i couldnt help the giggle that escapes my lips, drake then turns his glare on me making me laugh even harder as the rest of the table try not to laugh Drake grabs my sides tickling me “Oh so thats how you feel too huh?”

Carson gave me a little pout. "Ok, I was thinking about Harry Potter and what he would have done in a situation like that, so I pointed the stick and yelled EXPELLIARMUS!" Everyone froze, Declan's mouth hit the table. Cleo and Gerry were giving me the 'what the fuck' look. Carson was the first one to topple over with laughter. "Fuck Luna. You are one crazy girl, you're lucky you're Gidian's mate or else you would have been a goner." He continued his laughter.

I pretend to think about his question placing my hand on my chin and looking up at the sky as I swirl around in my chair. “I doubt, I’m not really a big fan of keeping the devil that close as a pet” Harry seemed to find this very funny as he couldn’t stop laughing, I stared at him. Just laughing for a little before I joined in with a slight giggles. It was actually quite reliving. “What’s so funny?”

she snapped. “I was just messing with you, okay?” Lucius grinned, showing just enough fang to be infuriating. “Calm down. Even if your blood were the only thing left in the whole world, I’d rather drink poop water.” Chloe slammed her palm on the table. “What the fuck, Lucius? That’s not funny. Don’t do things like that! It’s so annoying!” “Why is the fun,” Lucius countered easily, “if there’s nothing to annoy you with?”

Sophia sneered, “and a terrorist in that ridiculous attire.” I froze. Behind her, leaning from the car, Lucas and Stefan grinned like wolves. Lucas clicked his tongue. “I’m pretty sure my father is done using you, hoe.” Stefan mimed counting money. “And you didn’t get anything out of him, either. Broke and useless. Sad.” Sophia snorted ,loud, cruel. “You’re walking in the street like a madwoman so stupid, shameless… a goat.”

"No! That was my mom. She worries too much about my first day and keeps calling to check on me like I'm five years old." I couldn't hold it in anymore and snorted with laughter, covering my mouth because it came out way louder than I expected and oh my god that was embarrassing. Harry looked at me with wide eyes, then started smiling. "It's okay to laugh. You don't have to hide it." I laughed harder and he grinned like he was enjoying this. "You laugh like a cute pig." My laughter stopped immediately. "I do NOT laugh like a pig!" "You literally just snorted."

I snapped with what I assumed was enough snark that he'd forget about it. "Ooh. You've got some sass in you." I sipped my drink, amused yet not at this random idiot trying too hard to hit on me. "And you should give up trying to get in me." He laughed, like my crude comeback was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. "Ouch. Bad day?"

He’s so good to me. Snake asked “Umm.. Luna? Did you eat this whole bag of Oreo double-stuffed?” I tucked my head and mumbled “It was a snacksident.” Venom busted out laughing “A snacksident?” I nodded and explained “Yes! It wasn’t on purpose! I was looking for my pretzels and nutella, when I spotted the oreos. I thought I would have a couple to snack on, while I searched.” He started laughing harder and said “Baby girl.. you snacked on a whole package of cookies..” and I nodded again “Yeah. Snacksident.”

” Smiling with triumph over my disappointment, he breezes through the door, leaving me all puzzled. "What—‘’ I watch after him with a baffled look. "What did he just say?" I burst into a ridiculous laugher, feeling my cheeks all hot and burning. Is he playing with me? Testing my crazed feelings? Why is he doing this? I huff, completely defeated. Why is it exciting, though, despite the odds? I laugh again, stupidly. However, when Dr. Snape's last words repeat in my head I quickly wipe off my laughter.