Funny Ways To Die Novels & Stories

Johnson ➡ Come on talk to me, what happened? . Zombie ➡ One of my niggers died last night, he was tortured and stuffed with Nightshade. I told him not to stick his nose but he refused to listen, now he's dead like a rat. . What was happening? People are dying and so far it shows they're being tortured before stuffing them with Nightshade, maybe he was spying on them to give the Big prize, this is bad news as far as I know three people have died because of this. I consoled Zombie and went into my room.

And death. “It’s just comfort,” Speedy said. He was alert that night, an unusual change from his drooling, incontinent self. Mykel thought about candles and about how they burned brightest just before they went out. “I don’t know if Woods would approve.” “Just half an hour. Help me walk in. I’m weak. She’s scared. The little one’s dying.” “Look, you should be resting.” “I’ll rest when I’m dead, boy,” Speedy said, letting go of Mykel’s arm. “And you’ll rest too someday. ‘Til then, let us live. No woman should cry alone in the night, not on Christmas.”

Such a relief! Thea told me that I was going to be here a while so I should freshen up. At least they understood the meaning of sanitation! She also told me that if I tried to run away, I’d be shot in the head from thirteen different directions. Um… Yeah… It was cool with me. I told her that I would rather like to die in a snowstorm or due to a volcanic explosion or something awesome like that. I don’t want people not to know how I died. And I wanted to die in a cool way…

Lucianne suggested, “We could just cremate them then use the ashes as fertilizer for prison plants or something, darling.” Greg gestured at Lucianne when he told Xandar, “That’s one way, though if it were me, I’d hang their bodies in town for a week for everyone to see. It might attract some insects that can be used for research, you’ll never know.” Christian and Xandar shot Greg a disgusted look, which was when Greg muttered, “You two are boring.”

“Dying should come with a disclaimer. deaths only solve part of the problem or the cause of the problem; the things they stir still remain.” My bitter laugh echoes in the space before tears flood my eyes. I can no longer disguise my hostility with laughter and crude jokes. With a quick sniffle, I continue before I lose my nerve. “So, couple of questions…you know, since you have time on your hands now and, let us face it, the rigour mortis has set in, so…can’t really hit me as good as you used to, can you?” A chuckle leaves me. Goddamn, why is my audience a bunch of dead people?

"You may be right, but only a crazy man will starve himself to death, in which there are faster means to death available." Alexis burst to a round of laughter at the joke from Jude, because it was so hilarious to her, even Jude also laugh at his own joke as well. "So tell me Jude, the faster means to death." Alexis said still laughing, she then folded her arms together and she looked so serious.

*** ~~Amara~~ *** How can you kill someone in the most torturous and painful way possible? Gut him with a knife? No, too easy. Throw him in a pot of boiling oil?Hmm, fair enough. Break his kneecaps, toss him to some wild beasts and watch in relish as they shread and scrap his bones to pieces? Well, Maybe. "There are one thousand ways to die, Lan," I groaned, anger brewing inside me as I stared at him with churning rage, "But you choose one."

It’s probably better that no one else knows. This is one of the most embarrassing ways I can think of dying. I’m being bitten in inappropriate places by vision little armchairs. August would be so ashamed of me. I’m sure he’d have figured out a better way of dealing with the chair if he was here, like sitting back down.

I needed it or I'm gonna die of depression before dawn. The next twenty minutes, I stared at Nick's back and imagined all the easiest ways I can kill him without anyone noticing. Poison his food, goddamnit, nobody cooks in this house. Hire a gangster to shoot him or a planned accident. Which ever way I just want him out of this planet. For good.

After my older sister, Elise Sterling, is supposedly imprisoned for financial crimes, I become the target of retaliation from her enemies. I can't find a job and live under constant threats. Almost every morning, I find garbage left outside my door. At night, I come home to find my front door splattered with red paint, imitating blood. I break down and fall into depression. Over the next five years, I make three attempts to end my life. The last time, as I lay there after emptying the entire bottle of sleeping pills down my throat, waiting for everything to end, I suddenly hear my sister's frantic voice. "I only wanted to punish Leon! Why did you take it this far?" Her godbrother,