Hate Being Sober Lyrics Novels & Stories

“You can. Right here.” He rocks me like I’m the child now, big hands steady. Body solid against my convulsions. “It’s just withdrawal. It’s poison leaving. Every shiver, every wave—it’s leaving you. You’re winning.” My breaths come in jagged sobs. “I hate this. I hate her. I hate myself.” “Then hate me,” he says softly. “If it gets you through. Just don’t give in on me, Ava. I need you.”

"2 things I need to make clear to you buddy. 1, nothing can ever hurt me. And 2, Anderson Gabriel Matheos doesn't fall in love. Know those things and know peace. Sayonara." His words play in my head throughout the drive to Christ knows where. I stop at a coffee shop to get at least something healthy to drink. "1 iced Americano. Could you add extra sugar in it?" He nods and goes to get my order ready. I take a booth by the window once I get my drink and a doughnut. I'm completely sober right now, and I hate being sober. It gives me a lot of time to think, but there's nothing good in my head.

"I am aware of your identity. I am aware that you desired it. Each of the three. You might or might not have been intoxicated. I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. But in your heart? I'm sure you wouldn't think twice about opening your legs if you were sober. I felt like I was slapped by his words. I became numb. What did he just say? A piece of me broke. "You don't have to be cruel, " I spoke in a shaky voice. "Just because you despise me doesn't mean you have to treat me this way.

About the Sunday morning window and because I wanted to and the kitchen table and six words and the ring and the October hillside and the hospital chair and the eleven hours and the forty three second video at two in the morning and all of it. Every step. Every difficult mile. Every moment that had cost something real. I looked at the small frowning person in my arms. At the most important sound I had ever heard arriving in a room and announcing itself without a word. And I thought that I would walk that road again. Every single painful step of it. The bankruptcy. The wall. The two years of careful distance. The Vivienne and the fraud and the civil suit and Sloane and all of it. Every piece

Somewhere outside, traffic moves through the city below my apartment windows while my coffee machine hums quietly from the kitchen. I stand up and get ready for work more quickly than usual, like I'm after something I can't see. My mind keeps going back and forth between two things I don't want to think about. One is the office, the other is that comment from K. I don’t like the fact that both are sitting in the same space in my head. “Not today,” I say to myself as I grab my bag after dressing and leave home. I really shouldn't be thinking about that insult anymore.

I pushed him away, resisting the urge to slap him. “What is your problem?” I asked, angry and disgusted. The alcohol in his breath made my stomach turn. “I love you Rebecca, why can’t you see that?” He demanded. “Stop trying to pair me with another woman. I don’t want any other woman but you!” I stared at him, mouth open in surprise. “You are drunk and crazy,” I said. “Now get away from here!” “Rebecca- “ I went in and closed the door. I leaned against it fuming, then tried to calm down. He was drunk, he didn’t know what he was doing. I needed to help him not get angry with him.

Treating you well, but I’m caught in the middle I caught the edge of the knife and it hurts just a little Yeah, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know that I can’t be your friend It’s my head or my heart and I’m caught in the middle My hands are tied but not tight enough You’re the high that I can’t give up Oh Lord, here we go I might hate myself tomorrow but I’m on my way tonight At the bottom of the bottle, you’re the poison in the wine And I know I can’t change you and I, I won’t change I might hate myself tomorrow but I’m on my way tonight Let’s be lonely together A little less lonely together Eyes wide shut and it feels like the first time (oh) Before the rush to my blood hurts

His words echoed in my mind, demanding to be heard. "You can't keep running back whenever life gets hard," Aiden's voice echoed in my head. "Face your demons, and get sober. You have such a bright future in front of you, and you're throwing it away for what? Dope and drugs because you feel that you're not worthy of a great life?" The harshness of his words cut through me like a knife. How could he understand what I was going through? The pain, the guilt, the emptiness that I tried to fill with substances. It was my escape from a reality that I felt responsible for.

"Hey, this is a story I hate But I told it to cope with the pain I'm so sorry if you can relate~"

"I told you, I will do whatever it takes to make sure you get over this addiction. It doesn't matter how many times you protest, nothing you say will change my mind. So stop trying to fight a battle you've already lost. It's pointless." Tears gathered in my eyes, mostly because it's been so long since someone cared about my well being that seeing him want me to get better made me emotional. But also because the cramps had begun to hurt so bad. "I hate you." I whispered and turned away as tears rolled down my cheek. He swiped the tears away with his fingers and forced me to look at him. "I would rather have your hate than watch you waste away." *