I Never Thought Of It That Way Novels & Stories

Thinking about this is really shaking me to the bones. No no, I can't think that way. Strange things happen all the time and this is just one of them. I won't make anything out of this. I should stop overthinking it. Yes...I won't think about it. ° ° ***

She approached me again, backing me into a corner. I almost wretched, my tongue tasting bitter from the bile that lurched into my throat. What the actual fuck was going on? From when I was 10? This wasn’t how I remembered her. “This isn’t right Julia. I’ve never thought about you that way, not once and I never will because I don’t see you in that light.” I was trying to be careful with my words, even though I was sick to my stomach but I had to clear the air right now.

she advised gently. Her words hung in the air, sinking in as I processed the unexpected insight. It hadn't occurred to me that my lack of childhood experiences might be affecting my perception of the amusement park. Perhaps there was some truth to her suggestion, a chance to rediscover the joy and innocence of youth that I had missed out on. It was a perspective shift I hadn't anticipated and one that left me contemplating the possibility of embracing the moment rather than dismissing it.

I said and went back to my previous place and sat down. What the hell just happened...I- I didn't mean to do that. I wasn't even thinking...I- I knew it was a stupid idea...why did I say it then?! But it seemed like a good thing to say in that moment...I wanted to say it...what the fuck just happened? I am so confused...

she knows I shook the intrusive thought away. They popped up every now and then, those thoughts. Thoughts I didn't think, thoughts that weren't my voice, little whispers that said things that might have been true and might have been lies. I never spoke of them, never told anyone. It was hardly the first time I'd had a thought like that, though it was by far one of the most insistent, and I didn't need people thinking I was crazy. Even if it was a little bit true.

why couldn’t I stop thinking about it? It wasn’t that I cared about her freedom. Hell, I didn’t even care about her—at least, that’s what I kept telling myself. But the more I thought about it, the more I was irritated. Why couldn’t I just let her go do whatever the hell she wanted without this nagging feeling in my chest? Why couldn’t I let it go?

Lionel continues. “If that is wrong…then what else is possible?” Lionel thinks out loud. I am left reeling at that thought. Its as thought my entire world view is shifting. Everything I thought I knew had shifted a few degrees to the left. Leaving me to try and figure out how that happened. “And here I thought my adoption was a huge shock.” I mumble. “Things are never boring around you.” He teases me. I smile. But then it fades. A serious expression overtakes my face.

And as I sat there, one thought stayed clear in my mind. This wasn’t over. Not even close. And I wasn’t going to let her win. Not now. Not ever.

"Up to this moment, I'm still trying to connect the dots on things I don't understand. Sometimes, I would knock my head onto something to see if I would end up remembering anything.” “It must be hard not to remember anything.” “It’s not easy. I felt stupid and dumb at times.” “You’re not stupid or dumb.” “I’m sure you thought of me that way when I kicked you out of my life without asking for your side of the story.” “I won’t deny I was upset, and I got angry at some point, but I never thought of you that way. I knew what happened was more because this is how my life has always been. I never get what I want. I assumed it was life's way of saying "no" to me one more time."

I decided to stop thinking about it and maybe things weren’t the way I thought they were. I got undressed and got into the bath and entered it, finally settling inside it. I looked over at Eve who was in the other bath opposite me. I still felt weird about the whole situation but I still didn’t want to overthink anything that was happening at that particular time. I didn’t want anything to crowd my mind and I knew I was already overthinking things and it was getting me worried. I had a big day ahead of me, the best day of my life and nothing was ruining it, not without my consent.