I've Tried So Hard Novels & Stories

I feel tired, I feel weak. But... I wonder why I don't want to give in? Why do I still want to keep trying? I am acting so stupid, foolish, stubborn. This is the easy way out for me yet... I still want to... I want to... I want to keep trying. Again and again and again and again and again...

Trust me when I say I tried. I tried with every drained cell in my body every dying spark of courage in my mind to keep my head high. To stay resilient. Unbreakable. To look these people in the eye and show them that they couldn’t break me. Never. But I’m tired.

There’s nothing to fear. I tried to tell myself. But it was hard. So damn hard. I can salvage this. The night isn’t over yet.

“It’s not working.” Jade was silent for a second before her voice echoed in my head. ‘Try again.’ “No,” I cried, shaking my head, breathing heavily. “I can’t. I’ve tried, and it’s not—” ‘One more time.’ I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes shut. “Jade…” ‘Aria. One more time.’ Tears of frustration welled up in my eyes. I was drained. My arms felt so heavy. Every time I tried, it felt like I was trying to grab air, or I was trying to hold on to water.

They were just trying to help, but I couldn't see past my frustration. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself, but my heart was still racing. I didn't know what to do next. I had spent so much time and effort trying to find a job, but it seemed like it was all for nothing. I wiped away my tears and took a long walk, hoping to clear my mind. But the more I walked, the more I felt lost. It was like I had no purpose in life anymore. I felt like I had hit rock bottom, like everything I had ever wanted was suddenly so far out of reach. The more I tried, the more I failed, and the more I failed, the more it felt like there was no point in even trying anymore.

I know no matter how hard I train and even become better, I can never match his strength. “Again,” he said for the hundredth time that morning. I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to stand upright. I was too exhausted already. My knees wobbled, but I didn’t let myself fall. I couldn’t fall. I didn't want to disappoint him again. He has been trying to see me become stronger and better. I tried to remember how to breathe. In, Out, Slow, and Control. But my chest felt too tight. “I can’t,” I whispered.

I whispered, trying to gather the pieces of my ruined self. Damn.

I'd gotten most of it right, but I'd still failed. Oh god...

My mind was now again occupied, I can't concentrate but I did tried my best to finish my work effectively. I am more stronger than this. You're strong Milda, you can get through this!

“What?” “I was working really hard to prove that I am competent even at this age. But you are trying to ruin it.” “Hey! I was just trying to help you—” “Help me? Well, you are not helping me. You are just making my life worse.” I just can’t hold it. “What?”