I've Tried So Hard Novels & Stories

I tried to focus and absorb as much as possible, but it was hard. Clips of the past bombarded me. The harder I tried to grasp, the worse it was. It was like I was in an hourglass trying to grab at sand, but it was just slipping through my fingers. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't keep ahold of them.

I repeated I couldn't save her. I failed. Again.

“Aren't you going to say anything?” There were so many things I wanted to say, but it all felt too harsh, too real, and too complicated. Would she even understand that I'd done everything I could? Grants. Loans. Begging. Pleading. Could I explain that I was tired of working so hard for nothing? Tired of going nowhere fast.

I tried to pull tried to make sure things fell in place but I got confused. Maybe things weren't as I expected.

There was just me and her and the sterile air between us. “I’m so tired,” I whispered, voice cracking. “I’m so goddamn tired, Mom.” Her face was peaceful. Too peaceful. That kind of peace that felt like a betrayal. Like the world was on fire and she was still floating in it untouched. “I tried,” I choked. “I tried so hard. I did everything. I made money. I kept the lights on. I cleaned. I ate. I smiled. I even went back to school. I did all the things I thought would make you proud.”

All my efforts these past years have been in vain but I see the universe is supporting me now. Oh how amazing this feels! ******

Except you can't escape the monsters that live within. I'd tried. I'd failed.

And knowing that no matter how hard she tried— She wasn’t getting away.

Even if sorry would never be enough. I was going to try, because that's all I had left.

"Eyes open. Stay with me." I tried. I really tried.