Kenapa Belum Siap Aku Kehilangan Dirimu Novels & Stories

“I am not ready to l-l-lose you, mama.” “But everybody in this world is destined to lose the one they love at the right time. It’s just you, Aena, and your papa is going to lose my early,” she said, smiling sweetly to me as if her words didn’t scath my heart. “No, mama. D-D-Don’t talk like that. We are n-n-not going to lose you... I’m not g-g-going to lose you,” I pressed, unable to accept the possibility that I may lose the only person who cares for me and didn’t scorn me for being weak and my stutter. “I’m not ready to lose y-y-you. I don't want t-to lose you.”

The last text I remember sending before I lose the sense of everything else is an ‘I love you’ with an ‘I’ll be waiting’. Before I let the darkness take me, I tell myself he’ll be here. He just needs time to cool off. It’s too much for him, just like he said; his mom and sister have disappeared, he doesn’t want his dad around my mom, and now this. He just needs some air, and he’ll be back to me. I know it. Or I think I do. Because even in my darkness, I still wait for him. But I don’t feel him. He doesn’t come.

I hadn’t even been able to write for Fable magazine; my editor was still waiting on my newest story that I had yet to submit. I was afraid to open my email to see if she had reached out to me. I’m sure she has… I was supposed to send it days ago. I couldn’t even think about my blog; I wondered how many followers I had lost because of my depressing entries. “I want my friend back…” Ruby whispered. “I’m sorry…” I said in a broken whisper, my voice cracking slightly. “You are right. I haven’t been myself since the breakup. I’m losing grip of what I truly wanted. I’m going to delete my recent blog posts.”

“That doesn’t change what I lost.” “Loss doesn’t have to mean the end.” Behind her, the mist shifted into shapes. Keilah’s face. Her tears. Her hands pressed over her heart. And then the cave—dark, endless. And a voice calling for me through it. “She’s not ready to let you go,” Deirdre whispered. “And you’re not ready to give up.” I clenched my fists. “But what if I am?” Her smile was sad. “Then I’ll hold you here forever. You can rest. You can forget.”

"Why did you have to leave me so soon? I wish you were here, by my side, to help me through this. Your absence amplifies the pain, and I feel so lost without you." Leena's grief was palpable, her pain genuine. She yearned for solace, for a way to mend her shattered heart. As the tears continued to flow, she found herself seeking refuge in the memories of their life together. She spoke to him as if he were still there, her voice filled with vulnerability and aching love.

I missed her warmth beside me, her presence that had been the anchor to my soul. The ache in my chest intensified as I remembered all the plans we had made, the dreams we had envisioned for our future together. It was as if a piece of me was missing, a puzzle incomplete without its final piece. The weight of her absence was a constant reminder of the emptiness that had settled in my heart.

I was terrified of losing him, and I didn’t even know how to make it right. Mira, on the other hand, missed me so badly she cried when she saw me because I hadn’t been in touch since the day I asked her to sing for me, and she’d waited to hear from me again, and I just vanished, and I felt horrible about that too. It was not her fault that I loved someone else.

Every time she chooses to face it, when she could run. It’s not love. Not yet. But it’s close enough to hurt. I let my hand fall from the window. And I whisper, because I don’t trust myself not to say it out loud later: “I’m not ready to lose you.” The castle doesn’t respond. And that silence feels like an answer I wasn’t ready for.

So why couldn’t I? Why did my heart feel like it was being pierced by a thousand silver needles at the thought of forgetting him? Why did my tears stream uncontrollably, as if my soul itself was breaking, at the thought of erasing him completely from my life? “What are you hesitating for, child?” The woman asked. “I don’t know,” I admitted quietly. “… I don’t think I want to lose the memories of him.” “Hmm…” The woman gave a thoughtful hum. “Why? Hasn’t he brought you so much pain?”

I have to admit to myself that we’ll never be together again, that I need to let go of the past and stop waiting for something that will never happen. I swallow the lump in my throat. Yeah… this is me finally admitting it, the thing I’ve hated admitting the most. Kai doesn’t want me anymore. He would never come back. He would never give the care I want, the care I deserve. His loss. Fuck him for that.