Random Funny Things To Say Novels & Stories

At eight months pregnant, I was hit by a car and gave birth early. But unexpectedly, I regained my hearing. Outside the operating room, my husband was talking to the doctor. “Mr. Griffin, the baby is fully developed and stable. A normal delivery should be possible—” Albert Griffin cut him off immediately, “No, induce the labor now! I promised Summer that I would let our child rightfully join the Griffin family. Paulina is almost a month old. If she gets any older, people will figure out the truth. “If this baby doesn’t make it, that’s fine. She can always have another one. But this is the only way she will truly believe that Paulina is her own child.” I closed my eyes tightly and forced myself to stay calm. He thought his lies were perfect, but he was wrong. I heard everything. And if he could lie and pretend, so could I.

Fifteen years ago, my parents-in-law were cut into pieces. My wife and I spent years searching for the killer. One day, I came back from the market and found that the neighbor’s family had been murdered in the same way. At the crime scene, I saw the neighbor’s face in the mirror. I rushed out and chased him. I was just about to catch him when my wife stopped and handcuffed me with her own hands. “Drop the act. You’re the killer!”

When my husband, Kevin, and I were at our favorite exclusive restaurant, he ordered a T-bone steak and told the waiter with practiced ease, "The usual, and no arugula in the side salad." I paused, then gently nudged his elbow. "Honey, did you forget? Arugula is my favorite." Kevin's body tensed, and he quickly corrected himself. I even teased him, asking if he was so tired lately that his memory was starting to go. A week later, I came back to the restaurant alone to unwind, only to overhear the young woman at the next table waving to the waiter with a smile. "The T-bone again, and no arugula in the salad. Just put it on my husband's tab." "The account number is 8993." My knife and fork clattered against the bone china plate. That string of numbers was my husband's private phone number.

We were stuck on the highway in the middle of the Christmas travel rush. My husband’s childhood friend had not only taken the passenger seat from me, but she had also propped her bare feet up on the center console. “Don’t take it to heart, Yvonne. I’m just a casual person and like to be my true self, unlike you and your fake propriety,” Michelle Gail said. As she spoke, she snatched my phone right out of my hand and read a holiday greeting from a male colleague aloud. “Oh, you have quite a few backup options, don’t you? I bet you cheated on Charles a long time ago.” My husband, Charles Carter, however, only defended her. He said, “She’s just being casual. Don’t be so petty as to hold it against her.” I smiled. They did not know that I had accidentally been bound with a system before. As the system had bound the wrong person, it promised to fulfill one wish for me unconditionally as compensation. Without a moment of hesitation, I swapped the system for the “Forget Common Sense System” and bound it to Michelle. Since she was so “casual,” why would she need a sense of shame? Why would she even need to wear clothes? Since the highway was so congested, she might as well go for a wild run on the road!

I am a firefighter. A beam crashes onto me in the middle of a burning building. At the same time, my oxygen is about to run out. I writhe and struggle as much as I can to reach for my backup oxygen canister, only to feel my fingers brushing over a bottle of water instead. When I turn around, I see my wife, Leah Sawyer, giving the last backup oxygen canister to her new mentee, Roderick Wyndham. I begin calling out to her via a walkie-talkie. "Leah, I'm being pinned down right now, and my oxygen's running out! Where is the oxygen canister?" As Leah shields Roderick behind her, she replies impatiently, "I've already given it to Roderick. It's his first time inside a burning building, so he's frightened. Having an extra canister on him gives him a sense of security. "You're already a veteran firefighter, so you can just think up a way to resolve your situation. Don't go around wasting precious resources." I can feel thick smoke infiltrating my lungs at that moment. Feelings of asphyxiation soon overwhelm me. "My leg is broken, so I can't move at all! Without oxygen, I won't be able to hold out till I get rescued!" But Leah merely chortles in response. "Stop playing the pity card! Every time we're out on a mission, you're always the cowardly one who's terrified of dying! You have zero sense of dedication at all! I shouldn't have let you join the firefighting squad, to begin with! "What's the use of you clinging to the equipment? Giving it to the newbies is the best way of maximizing its value!" I can only smile bitterly in response. Using what's left of my strength, I switch to a public channel and begin reporting to the command center. "For the record, Captain Leah Sawyer deliberately tampered with the essential rescue equipment in order to protect Roderick Wyndham, causing me, a fellow firefighter, to be trapped in a deadly situation. "I hereby request the immediate activation of the Firefighter Emergency Evacuation Act. Also, I formally charge Leah with gross negligence and attempted homicide."

Pelican Bay Security is full of hot former Navy SEALS, a small costal town in Maine (with a crime problem), and a group of Bakery Girls waiting to cause trouble. When I moved here to set up a new security company as a fugitive recovery specialist, I didn’t plan to find my next-door neighbor breaking into her aunt’s house. I also didn’t expect the random henchmen harassing her for diamonds she insists she doesn’t have.Tabitha is running from an ex-boyfriend, and I desperately want to help. As a former Navy SEAL I have the skills to deal with almost any idiot willing to give his girlfriend a black eye. Her lies, drama, and ex-boyfriend catch up with her and it may not be something I can handle on my own. I just hope if things turn violent, we both come out alive.A fun, humorous romantic suspense series from USA Today bestselling author, Megan Matthews!#explicit #Suggested age 18+Pelican Bay Security is created by Megan Matthews, an eGlobal Creative Publishing Signed Author.

Alexandra, or as she prefers, Alex is a seventeen year old delinquent with a liking for trouble and deviance. A teenager with a rap sheet and a tendency for poor anger management, she is known for illegal street fighting and gang activities. Now attending one of her father's schools for closer supervision, she has her mind set on bringing him down to his knees. There was only one thing standing in her way, and it was Alec Hawford. Her rivalry and biggest competition. Things just got real. Secrets will reveal themselves and questions will be answered. You might say, hell will break loose with the two enemies under one roof. Understatement of the century. Lets just say Satan better start getting his resumes ready, because there is a new devil coming to town.

I'm a CEO. Funny things keep happening around me after I meet a weird woman.

A young guy keeps getting into trouble in very funny and unfortunate ways. He wrecked havocs on people too, mistakenly. He hallucinated and had great fantasies about people to brighten up his hearers. Afterwards, he came back to his mundane reality.

Constant head splitting headaches, random joint pains,. dizziness and lightheadedness. it was symptoms I know just too well. The blue rose illness. The vile disease that robbed me of my mother. And now I think it's coming for my life too. My name is Ivy and I have the blue rose illness. Funny right? I can't believe I have less than thirty days to live. ************ Prince Emiliano "You are sick? Since when?" "I am sorry." "Keep that for later—I will never give you the permission to leave me. You can never leave me. Do you understand Ivy? Don't you dare."