Why Do I Hate Repeating Myself Novels & Stories

Sydney remained listening, waiting for every word that would come out of my mouth. "I was totally sure that I didn't want to but... my heart was a very stubborn brat, it still chose to believe in. Can you imagine how frustrating it is? It's always me versus myself. Always been," i licked the bottom of my lip and gasped a little. "I hate that no matter how hard i try, i always end up failing. I'm always easy on him..." This is why i don't want to reopen the wounds, it only brings back the soreness, the freshness of the pain i used to conceal. And then, here's my bestfriend, giving me that look i hate to see-- pity.

If I were being honest with myself, I was currently shaking on the inside, not because I was afraid or anything like that, but because I was starting to feel rather helpless and frustrated. I hated the fact that I had to find myself in this kind of situation because it was starting to seem like I was going to have to keep repeating myself and assuring him that I wouldn't get in his way or be a nuisance to him in any way, and it annoyed me so much that he wasn't even trying to be understanding enough toward me.

I hate crying. “I don’t like it,” I whisper. “I don’t like anyone near you. I don’t like anyone calling you theirs. Because every time they do… it feels like something is being stolen from me.” The words rush out now. Messy. Raw. “I know it’s stupid. I know we’re supposed to be ‘family.’ I know none of this makes sense. But I can’t stop it. I can’t stop wanting you. And I hate myself for it.” There.

“To live in a world where the person you loved most could disappear without a word, without an explanation, without a shred of consideration for how it would affect you? Do you know what it did to me?” He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “I’ve thought about that every day. I’ve replayed my mistakes a thousand times in my head. I’ve imagined every tear you shed, every lonely night, every moment you questioned your worth because of me. And I’ve hated myself for it, every single day. I know I can’t take it back, but I swear to you… I’ll never let that happen again.”

I said without thinking. When the hurt flashed on her face, I cursed internally. This was why I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I didn’t want to hurt her again, but here I was, the same fight, the same result, happening all over again. We were like a broken record that only worked to prove my own point. We were volatile together—or more so, I was volatile for her. Especially in the state my mind was currently in.

"For the third time." "No. I don't want to experience the same mistake, the same regret and the same pain that I've felt before." I muttered. He looks down. "Maybe---" "Maybe you should stop." I said with finality on my voice.

I hated that I had ruined so many lives just by being selfish enough to write down my feelings. And I did not know how to stop hating myself.

It ruined me. I love my parents and my siblings. I love them genuinely, but there are just times I hate them also. And those times are times like this; when comparisons enter the story. I'm honestly tired of the same shit going over and over again since I've started having a consciousness of my own. The unending hate I got makes me want to peel my skin off of my body and hide where no one can find me. I just want to disappear and never come back. And with that in mind, I've finally decided to leave everything behind and start anew.

Why do I even exist up to this point? Speaking of wishing I shouldn't have existed, something like "hating yourself" is just too cliche these days. You know, the thing some people just put out into the world because they want to share their self-hatred and the rest do it just to get attention? Like how people can confidently tweet how ugly they are and don't want the face they own, but they have no choice but to suffer in it. Then their followers decided to butt in and say, "No, you're so pretty~" or attack with reverse "hating-yourself" like "No~ You pretty, me ugly bleegh" or some shit. In my case, no one has ever disagreed with every negative thing I said about myself. I guess that's what

That's why I hate him. That's why I'll always hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. That's what I told myself. I also remind myself that standing there while he kissed me and I didn't reciprocate was the most severe punishment. I don't tell myself how it feels.