Why Do I Hate Repeating Myself Novels & Stories

The word barely made it out of her throat. "I just, I just can't fucking deal with this right now!" I moved backward, "I can't keep going through the same cycle over and over again, whenever I feel that we can forget what happened and work on this, something happens, I discover something new and we are back right where it all started!" I snapped, letting it all out, "I am sick of it, I am tired of all of this, it's not supposed to be that much hard for god's sake, it's not!" "What do you mean?" She asked.

"It makes me feel so little of myself, I hate myself and sometimes all I can do is think of putting myself out of this misery" "Then put yourself out, who is stopping you?"

For as long as I remember, I live like walking on thin ice. If I took the wrong step, I could sink then freeze. And no one would reach out to help me out. I hate that. I hated why I had to take so long just to talk. Thinking it over word for word, so that other people wouldn't find fault with the way I spoke. I hate it when I have to think about how well I should behave. May I cross my arms, legs, may I lean back, or may I express my displeasure?

She nodded, “I’m sorry.” He facepalmed, “You did it again.” She had no clue why she was constantly apologizing to him. She smiled, “I won’t say sorry as often anymore. I just can’t help it. I feel like I’m bothering you.” He frowned, “You aren’t, so quit it. I hate hearing those two words the most. My mom used to say those words to me all the time until she stopped coming to see me.”

But because I know, deep down, that one more minute and I might not have told him to stop. And I hate myself all over again.

Because he claims that I was lying to him all along. I'm tired of going back and forth with my thoughts, and I honestly don't want to think about it anymore, but I can't help myself; I keep reminiscing about everything that happened, and I don't know how to stop thinking about everything. I just hate myself right now, and I wish I was never born or I never came here in the first place.

Even after all these years, my feelings for him, the idea of me loving him is a fact. But I can not, for the life of me, take the risk of getting hurt once again. It is too painful. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me. I felt tears falling down my face as my legs give out on me. I dropped on the floor and my heart clenched angrily. My heart hates me, despises me. It is asking to why I keep on voluntarily hurt myself by hoping that this time, maybe things would be different. My heart hates me because I am so stupid.

He says it with a tenderness that makes my throat hurt, but I can only think of three words, over and over again: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

But I was not able to understand why I can't stop myself from feeling nervous as if I am supposed to pass that interview and repeat everything once again because I am not stupid enough to do so. I felt my heartbeat racing as I was once again standing in front of the door. I usually visit so many times in a single day, but this was not the place I went for an interview last time as much as I remember. Why are things changing this time when everything is repeating itself in my life? Gathering all my courage I decided to open the door so that I will be able to face all those monsters which have been haunting me all this time.

“Why not?” His entire being quaked and words poured out a stilted mess. “I hate that he still has that much power over me. I hate that he can get a reaction out of me when no one else can. I hate it’s a test to see if I’m strong enough to fight this…fucking rage I inherited from him. I’ve tried so hard not to end up like him. So fucking hard and when I act this way, I’m exactly like him and I hate it. I hate myself.”