You Re So Old Jokes One Liners

Scarlet blood trickled from my thigh as I clutched Arvin Owen's hand. "My belly... It hurts so much..." He shook off my hand indifferently. "Come on, I know it's chicken blood you are using. Debby just suffered abuse from her husband and is now in the hospital without anyone to care for her. Don't be so spoiled!" But what flowed from me was not chicken blood. It was my life slipping away.

"Dimana rumahmu, aku akan mengantarmu,” kata Aksa. Karina terdiam, “Seperti yang kamu lihat, aku kabur di hari pernikahanku. Aku tidak ingin menikah dengan pria yang bahkan belum aku kenal dan aku tidak mencintainya,” ucap Karina. “Jadi bagaimana bisa aku kembali kerumah,” lanjutnya sambil tertunduk lesu. Aksa tersenyum miris, “kita sama,” kata Aksa membuat Karina mendongakkan kepalanya kearah Aksa. “Aku juga kabur dari acara pertunanganku,” sahutnya sambil tersenyum. Karina terpaku melihat senyum Aksa padanya. Hening. Keduanya terdiam. Sampai Aksa memecah keheningan itu. “Kita harus mencari tempat menginap untuk malam ini.” Karina mengerjapkan kedua matanya pelan, perlahan ia menyilangkan kedua tangannya menutupi dadanya, ia menatap takut Aksa yang ada didepannya. Berawal dari pertemuan tidak terduga Karina dan Aksa, keduanya sama-sama tidak ingin di jodohkan dengan pasangan yang telah ditentukan kedua orang tuanya. Sampai akhirnya mereka menjadi dekat, namun disisi lain ternyata keluarga mereka adalah musuh dimasa lalu sampai saat ini hubungan mereka tidak terlalu baik. Mendapati kenyataan anak mereka bersama dalam pelarian. Kedua keluarga kembali bersitegang. Apakah ini adalah takdir yang menguntungkan bagi keduanya atau takdir yang salah untuk mereka??

At 4:30 in the morning, my husband answered a call from his ex-girlfriend and accidentally put it on speaker. "Jason, my daughter, Alison, has a fever—over 104. I can't get a ride..." The sudden sound of sobbing jolted me awake. Jason hurriedly turned off the speaker and lowered his voice. "Send me your location. I'll come right away." It seemed he had forgotten that today was my first prenatal checkup.

Michaella always believes that every woman must marry the only man they love. But everything she once believed ruined when she was being forced to marry an old man in their town. She felt devastated and her feelings got invalidated to the point that she decided to run away. While she was walking out-of-nowhere, she suddenly almost got hit by a car that made the man help him to get up. She's drunk for Pete's sake and couldn't even walk properly. "I know what you wanted to do. Do whatever you want because tomorrow would probably be my last day." The next morning, Michaella left the hotel without even looking at the man he gave herself with. She went to her friend far away from their city and lived her life happily until she found out that she's pregnant. "Congratulations, Ms. Gomez. You're pregnant! They're twins!" The Doctor happily announced. She almost fell to the ground because of the news and couldn't even breathe properly. She was about to leave the hospital but someone suddenly spat in front of her. It was her Father and she was being forced to come with him but someone suddenly came and grabbed her hand away from her Father. "Don't you ever come near her. Nobody has the right to touch the Mother of my children." He uttered using his threatening voice.

In a whirlwind of passion and consequence, Andy, a struggling pauper finds herself entangled in a one-night stand with a billionaire Drake, leading to an unexpected pregnancy. But there's a chilling twist- a curse on Andy’s lineage makes abortion impossible except the father of the child is ready to die, leaving them both in peril. As Drake's impending wedding with Stephanie looms, he must show between protecting his future and confronting the dark secrets lurking within his soon-to-be wife, Stephanie. An unexpected twist occurs when Drake's mother happens to be Andy’s father's first love and the reason his manhood was destroyed. In a table of love, betrayal and the sinister forces of fate, who will emerge unscathed in the ultimate battle for survival? Will the child be killed? Will the wedding hold? Will Stephanie's dark secrets be revealed before the wedding? Will Andy’s father get revenge? Read on to find out!

Meet Skyler Jackson. She is the Alpha's 17-year-old nearly 18-year-old daughter, but is also the pack slave and the Alpha's punching bag. She dreamed of a mate when she was younger but doesn't believe, anymore. Meet the Mason brothers: Cole, Elijah, and Nathan. They are the Alphas of the most feared pack in the country. They are said to be ruthless and cruel to whoever crosses them, but they will also protect packs and loved ones with their lives. What will happen when Skyler meets these three brothers? What will happen when one commits the ultimate betrayal? Will she be able to forgive? Will his brothers? What will be in Skyler's future? *** Warning read at your own discretion as this story may trigger some readers as it contains physical and sexual abuse, violence and mature scenes. Please read at own discretion!

Sa paglipat nila sa lumang bahay, unti-unting naungkat ang madilim na nakaraan sa buhay ng pamilya Olivarez. Ang lahat ay nag-ugat sa poot, galit, at pighati ng pagtakas ng kanilang mommy Edna sa nakatakda niyang buhay. Isang sumpa na siyang tuluyang maipapasa sa kanyang anak na si Joelyn. Wala na nga ba talagang ligtas ang pamilya Olivarez mula sa kamay ng katakot-takot na nilalang na gumagambala sa kanila? Maghahari ba ang pagpapatawad at pagmamahal sa pamilya gayong ang kanilang kalaban isang demonyong hindi naman nila nakikita?

Nang malaman ni Jillian na buntis siya, dalawang buwan pagkatapos magkaruon ng aksidenteng pakikipagtalik sa isang estranghero, na akala niya ay si Brent na kanyang boyfriend, yun pala ay ibang lalaki. Nang hanapin niya ang lalaking may kagagawan ng kanyang pagbubuntis, tinanggihan siya nito dahil may hinihintay itong ibang babae. Na stress siya na nagdulot ng pagdurugo during her pregnancy kaya kinailangan siyang dalhin sa ospital. Paggising niya, natagpuan niya ang sarili sa hospital na kasama ang pinakamayamang babae sa mundo na si Madam Lishou. Sa halip na magalit, ininsist ni Madam Lishou ang isang kasal sa pagitan ni Jillian at ng kanyang apo na si Mckenzie. Nalaman kasi nito sa isang source na ang apo nito ang nakabuntis sa kanya. Tumanggi ang lalaki na pakasalan siya, nagalit si Madam Lishou at binantaan ang lalaki na itatakwil kung hindi ito magpapakasal sa kanya. Napilitang pumayag ang lalaki sa kondisyon na civil lamang sila ikakasal. Habang nagkakalapit ang loib nilang mag asawa, biglang nagparamdam ang dalawang tao mula sa kanilang nakaraan, si Tamara na nagnanais na muling mabawi si Mckenzie at si Brent na handa siyang tanggapin ulit sa kabila ng kalagayan niya. Paano ito makakaapekto sa kanilang pagsasama? Sila ba'y paglalayuin ng pagkakataon, o magtatagumpay sila sa harap ng mga pagsubok, na nagpapalakas ng kanilang pagsasama sa paglipas ng panahon?

Warning Mature Content 19+ Sherina Alexander Lansonia. Seorang wanita karier pemilik gedung pencakar langit termegah di Britania Raya. Parasnya sangat cantik nan mempesona. Lekuk tubuhnya indah menarik mata untuk terus memandang ke arahnya. Ambisius adalah cara Alexa menghadapi dunia. Hidup di tengah-tengah persaingan bisnis yang bisa saja 'memakannya hidup-hidup' membuat Alexa tak segan untuk mengorbankan segalanya untuk tetap mempertahankan perusaahan yang ia bangun. Tak pernah melakukan kesalahan dalam ambisinya? Tidak! Alexa adalah manusia biasa. Satu kesalahan besar yang pernah diperbuat olehnya adalah membeli rumah mewah tepat di depan kediaman sang mantan kekasih. -Touch You-

~ Zara Natusha Putri According to my Mom, the new neighbor was still single, handsome, hot, rich, and kind. But I don't think so. Why? Because there is nothing special about him and he is very annoying. Coupled with his perverted brain that makes me want to chop his body into small pieces. Oh come on, I can't stand all this. ~Bryan Samuel Clivton Even that girl doesn't know who I really am. We'll see, once you know and remember everything, you will feel at home, Zara.