Chapter 6

LEXI:

KINABUKASAN ay nagising ako sa tabi ng anak namin. Nahihimbing pa rin ito kaya maingat akong bumangon. Napasulyap ako sa kama at nahihimbing pa si Ashton. Hindi ko na kasi namalayan ang pagdating niya kagabi at sa crib ako natulog kasama si Ashford. I pretended that nothing had happened last night.

Kahit nanghihina at tinatamad akong kumilos dahil sa mga nalaman ko kahapon, I forced myself to get up. I slipped back into the role I had played ever since I woke up with no memories–the obedient wife, the perfect Mrs. Valmont, the woman everyone admired.

I woke up before sunrise, do my morning routine and quietly made my way downstairs. Two years. Dalawang taon na din ang kasal namin ni Ashton. Mahigit dalawang taon na rin akong naninirahan sa mga Valmont.

As soon as I stepped into the kitchen, the maids immediately greeted me.

"Magandang umaga po, Ma'am Lexi." Panabay na pagbati ng mga ito sabay yuko sa akin.

I forced a small smile. "Good morning."

One of them quickly approached me. "Ma'am, kami na po ang bahala dito." Magalang saad nito sa akin.

I gently shook my head. "It's okay. I can handle it."

The maids exchanged worried glances but didn't insist. Kahit ako ang asawa ng boss nila, sanay silang ako ang madalas maghanda ng agahan at hapunan. Dahil dito kumakain si Ashton ng agahan at hapunan.

They simply assisted me as I took out the ingredients from the refrigerator. I washed the vegetables, seasoned the meat, and prepared Ash's favorite breakfast just like I always did. Hindi ko alam pero–dati pa man, sanay na ako sa gawaing bahay. Kaya hindi ako nahirapang mag-adjust dito kahit burado ang memorya ko sa katauhan ko.

"Ma'am. . ." One of the older maids called softly. "Okay lang po ba kayo? Maputla po kasi ang itsura niyo.”

I paused for a second before giving her a reassuring smile. Nakamata ang mga ito sa akin na kita ang pag-aalala. Alam nilang anniversary namin kahapon ni Ashton, pero hindi dumating sa oras ang asawa ko.

"I'm fine, manang. I just didn't sleep well." Sagot ko.

She looked like she wanted to ask more questions, but she simply nodded. Wala ako sa mood na magkwento. Parang pagod na pagod pa rin ako sa ilang oras kong pag-iyak magmula kahapon.

"Sige po, ma'am. Igagawan ko po kayo ng tea." Magalang saad nito na tinanguhan ko.

"Thank you, manang."

Silence settled over the kitchen once again. The only sounds filling the room were the sizzling of food in the pan, the chopping of vegetables, and the clinking of plates. Kahit walang imikan sa amin, dama kong nakatutok sila sa akin. Pinapanood ako at pinapakiramdaman. Alam kasi nilang. . . hindi ako okay.

Normally, I enjoyed mornings like this. Cooking for Ashton had always been one of the little things that made me happy. Nakikipag kwentuhan ako sa kanila, kulitan at biruhan. Kaya kahit paano ay hindi ako nababagot dito sa mansion.

But today. . . every dish I prepared felt heavier than the last. I couldn't stop asking myself if he had ever appreciated any of it. Kinakain naman ni Ashton ang mga niluluto ko. Pero ni minsan, hindi ito nagpasalamat sa mga ginagawa kong pag-aasikaso sa kanya.

*****

When everything was ready, I returned to our bedroom. Wala na si Ashton sa kama.

Napalingon ako sa may banyo na marinig ang ingay mula doon. The sound of running water came from the bathroom. Ashton was still taking a shower.

Without saying a word, I opened his walk-in closet and prepared everything he needed for work–a crisp white long sleeve polo, black slacks, a tailored black coat, matching socks, polished leather shoes, his necktie, and his rolex watch. Kahit kasi sa mga gan'tong bagay, ako ang nag-aayos.

Maingat kong inilapag sa dulo ng kama ang mga isusuot nito. Just then, Baby Ashford cried from his crib. Kaagad kong inayos ang magulong kama then immediately picked him up and gently rocked him in my arms.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Mommy's here." Wika ko na h******n ito.

I prepared his milk and fed him. Tumahan din naman ito at ininom ang gatas niya. Inilapag ko siya sa kama at pinunasan ng wet wipes and changed him into fresh clothes. Matapos ko itong mabihisan ay inilagay ko sa laundry basket niya ang kanyang maruming damit.

By the time Ashton walked out of the bathroom, everything was already done. Nagkunwari akong hindi ito napansin. He quietly got dressed while I placed Ashford back into his crib.

Hindi ko sana ito papansinin, nang masulyapan kong nahihirapan siyang ayusin ang necktie niya. Ako kasi ang nag-aayos no'n palagi. I stepped closer and adjusted his necktie.

We stood only inches apart. Close enough to touch. Sanay naman na ako na saka lang ako kinakausap ni Ashton kapag may mga nanonood sa amin. Pero kapag nandito na kami sa loob ng mansion, halos hindi kami mag-imikan.

I couldn't look him in the eyes. Dama ko namang nakatitig ito. Marahil napansin niyang medyo mugto pa ang mga mata ko. Matapos kong ayusin ang necktie niya, umatras na ako.

Then–he finally spoke.

"About yesterday. . . I forgot it was our anniversary." He said.

His voice was as cold and emotionless as ever. Napatikhim ito na humingang malalim.

"I'll buy you something later. What do you want?" tanong niya.

Gan'to naman siya palagi. Kapag may atraso siya, bumibili siya ng mga regalo. Sa dami ng atraso niya ay halos mapuno na ang walk-in closet ko ng mga suhol niya sa akin. I forced myself to smile and slowly shook my head.

"It's okay, Ash. Don't worry." My voice barely wavered. "It's not a big deal."

He frowned. "What do you mean by that?" he asked. "I was busy at the office yesterday. Nawala sa isipan ko ang tungkol doon, hindi ko naman sinasadya.”

I finally looked at him. For a split second, I wanted to shout. I wanted to throw every lie back into his face! Gusto kong magwala, gusto ko siyang sampalin! Gusto ko siyang sumbatan sa lahat-lahat.

I already knew everything. Pero sobrang hirap umarteng wala akong alam. Our marriage certificate was fake. I wasn't his real wife. Iyon na nga lang ang pinanghahawakan ko sa kanya, pero kahit iyon pala–hindi para sa akin!

The woman I saw with him yesterday. . . was Lucy. His true love. The real daughter of the couple I had believed were my parents. The woman he had been hiding because Grandma Daphne refused to accept her.

And me. . . I was nothing but a replacement. A woman with amnesia. A woman they could manipulate. A woman they used so Ashton could inherit his grandmother's fortune. Lumarawan ang kirot sa mga mata ko at nangilid ang luha habang nakatitig kaming dalawa sa isa't-isa. Napalunok naman ito na kitang nabasa ang galit sa mga mata ko.

My fingers curled tightly into my palm. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nila ako niloloko nang gan'to. Hindi ko maalala kung sino ako, o kung dati ko na ba silang kakilala. I wanted answers. I wanted to ask him why. Why me? Ano'ng nagawa ko para lokohin ako at paikutin sa mga palad nila? Why did he let me believe that everything between us was real? Bakit nila pinalitan ang katauhan ko? Alam ba nila kung sino talaga ako? May alam ba sila kaya nawalan ako ng ala-ala?

But I swallowed every question. Every accusation. Every tear. Huminga akong malalim na kinalma ang sarili. Sa ngayon, wala akong ibang maaasahan kundi sarili ko. Wala akong ibang mapupuntahan kapag umalis ako sa mga Valmont. Kaya kahit mahirap–lulunukin ko muna ang lahat at umarteng normal sa harapan nila. Dahil kung magpapadala ako sa emosyon ko–ako ang talo.

"I forgot it was our anniversary too," I lied with another smile. "So it's okay."

I looked away before continuing. Nakamata naman ito sa akin. Kita sa mga mata niyang hindi siya naniniwala sa alibi ko.

"I already have enough jewelry, designer bags, and shoes. Most of them are just sitting in my closet anyway. There's no need to buy me anything. It would only be a waste of money. Ni hindi ko nga sila nagagamit e. Kaya kahit hwag ka nang bumili, Ash.” Dagdag ko.

Dinig kong napabuntong hininga ito ng malalim, pero nanatiling tikom ang bibig na nakasunod ng tingin sa akin. I picked up Baby Ashford and kissed his soft cheek.

"Breakfast is ready. You should eat." Saad ko at nagpatiunang lumabas ng silid.

Without another word, Ashton followed me and walked out of the bedroom. When we reached the first floor, he headed toward the dining room while I carried Ashford toward the front door. Dahil sa mga natuklasan ko, tinatamad akong pakisamahan sila. Na kahit ang kumain kasama sila ay nakakawalanggana sa akin.

"You're not eating?" tanong nito.

His voice stopped me. I turned around and smiled. The same fake smile I'd been wearing all morning.

"Ikaw na lang, Ash. Baby and I are going to spend some time in the garden first. I'm not hungry." Sagot ko.

I glanced at the clock. "You should eat before you leave. You'll be late for work."

Just as he was about to walk away, his eyes landed on my left hand. His brows immediately furrowed. Napalunok ako at kinakabahan dahil alam kong napansin niya. . . ang wedding ring namin.

"Where's your wedding ring?" he asked. "Bakit hindi mo suot?”

I forced another smile. Nasa basurahan na kasi iyon. Wala na akong pakialam kahit milyon pa ang halaga no'n. Dahil wala din namang bisa. . . ang papel na dahilan kaya sinusuot ko ang singsing na iyon.

"It started feeling tight." I rubbed my ring finger naturally. "I guess I've gained a little weight. It wasn't comfortable anymore, so I took it off. Sasabihan nga sana kitang ipa-adjust ang size no'n e. Pero busy ka kaya okay lang." Pagkakaila ko.

He stared at me for a few seconds. As if trying to read my expression. Pilit akong ngumiti at hindi nagpahalata sa kanya. But in the end, he didn't say another word. He simply walked into the dining room. Nang mawala na siya sa paningin ko, I dropped the act.

I quietly stepped outside with Ashford in my arms. Tuwang-tuwa naman ito na inilabas ko. The cool morning breeze brushed against my skin, but it couldn't numb the ache inside my chest.

I looked down at my son and gently kissed his forehead.

“What's the point of wearing that ring anymore, Ash. . . when I'm not even your real wife.” I murmured. “I accepted that you never loved me. I accepted that your heart belonged to someone else. But lying to me. . . making me believe our marriage was real while secretly protecting the woman you truly love. That's something I can never accept.”

Nangilid ang luha ko habang nakaupo na yakap ang anak ko at dinadama ang katamtamang init mula sa araw at ang malamig at preskong hangin dito sa garden. Unti-unting namigat ang dibdib ko na naaalala na naman ang mga natuklasan ko kahapon.

“I loved you. I trusted you.

I respected you. But if this is how you repay my love. . . then today–I'll stop loving you.” Usal ko na tumulo ang luha.

Sa pamamahay na ito, wala akong kasiguraduhan kung may kakampi sa akin sa mga katulong. Ang mga nagpakilalang parents sa akin ay nasa panig ni Ashton. Wala na si Lola Daphne na siyang nagbigay malasakit sa akin dito. At si Ashton? Wala naman iyong pakialam sa akin. Kaya kung aalis na ako ngayon. . . saan ako pupunta?

Napatitig ako sa anak kong karga ko at mapait na napangiti. "Baby, ikaw na lang ang meron ako. You're not leaving mommy, right?" usal ko na naluhang magaan itong niyakap.