Fear of Loss

“Everyone has some kind of fear, some have fear of death, some people have fear of life and many other fears people do have but I believe that fear of losing someone is a biggest fear.” Wednesday, April 20,2022 2:40 a.m. I stand up from chair and look around the room, controlling my tears and squeeze my eyes shut. “No this isn’t possible.” “I shouldn’t allow anyone in my life.” I say desperately. I start throwing everything across the room. I’m struggling to take a breath but I can’t breath. I throw all the dresses out of dresser. I start weeping, my voice couldn’t come out of my throat. My whole body begins to shake, I kneel down slowly, grip the bedsheet tightly. I head down on the edge of my bed and start screaming. I totally feel hopeless and the fear can easily be seen in my eyes and through my body movement as I’m shaking and my body is out of my control. I want to scream badly. I want to stay away from everyone, everything. I badly want to go far from everyth

Tuesday, January 18, 2022 6:45 a.m. Today I wake up early in the morning and get ready to run. I walk out of home and start running. I’m thinking about the last day at school. It was really boring, frustrating and such a bad day. Today I’m not in the condition to go school but I have to go. Why I’m not going to school because of some shit people? I will go and I don’t care what the hell they are thinking about me. I stop and drink water as I’m feeling dehydrated. “Hey.” A voice comes behind me. The voice is of a man or a guy. I can’t differentiate as the voice is deep. I turn back to see who’s calling me. I see a guy standing and looking into my eyes and smiling. I look him and notice his personality. He is tall, handsome and looks perfect. His smile is attractive and infectious. The dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. His veins by which he gives hot flash. His tousled dark hair which are lying on his eyes. His brown killing eyes. His lips look soft

Wednesday, January 19, 2022 2:40 a.m. I’m still standing near my home where he left me and looking at a side where he left. I regret on my rudeness for the first time. I never felt regret on my rudeness before. I enter in my home still thinking about him. How stupid I am. How could I do that. He has saved me and I insulted him. How could I do that to a handsome good looking guy, who cares me and save me. I’m so silly girl. I don’t know how to behave with people or with handsome guy. I’m so arrogant. I enter in my room and lay down on bed. I don’t know how will I face him tomorrow in school. I think I should take a leave from school tomorrow. But no, I already have missed yesterday’s classes. I can’t take a leave. I’m so punctual type girl and I also want to see him tomorrow. I think I should apologize him for my behavior. I don’t know why I’m too attracted towards him. He is too handsome guy I ever have seen in my life and he gives me seductive feelings. I never felt se

Wednesday, January 19,2022 5:16 p.m.I’m still unable to understand that what is going on with me. I’m changing myself slowly and slowly. I think about him all the days and nights. I can’t figure out the feelings when I’m with him. Today I’m happy in fact I’m more happy then ever before in my life. But I’m still in confusion that is it love or it’s hormone changes. As I’m going to 18 years old in few days. Anyways I don’t know what’s this but it’s the best feelings in the world. I’m lying on my bed and still thinking about him and shying. I’m excited to talk to him. I’m staring at my phone and waiting for his call or text. I want him to be with me right now. I’m imagining him on my bed lying with me. From now onwards Wednesday is my favorite day and 19 January is my favorite date.“Oh my God”, I exhale a deep breath. What the hell am I doing? Is this me? I’m tired of thinking about him. I can’t stop thinking about him. He is fucking handsome guy. I can’t help. I wonder i

We leave the restaurant as soon as we finish the coffee. Now we are sitting in car.“Where do you want to go?”He asks. I want to say him to take me there where he wants me to go. Take me with you Masson. I want to be with you all days all nights and want to spend all moments with you. But I don’t say it to him.“Drop me home.”I say. He look at me like he is disappointed with my answer. I’m also disappointed with my answer. But I want to go home because if I spend more time with him, I can’t control myself to fall for him. I really want to give him a hug and tell him that his words make me beautiful, worthy and his words impact positively on me. I want to tell him that he is too beautiful and the words fall from his mouth are the most sweetest words I ever have heard. I want to tell him about all my feelings that I feel for him. But part of me don’t want to tell him that’s why I’m asking him to drop me home.He is still staring me.“What?”I ask him. He is staring me like he is about