Christian Humor Books Novels & Stories

"Ms. Sampson's villa isn't home for the homeless. They're your parents, aren't they, Felix? Figures. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ugh, I can still smell the mud on them." Rage flared within my heart, but I held it back and quickly wiped the water off my in-laws. Diane had a short fuse. She would not stand for this insult, so she snapped, "And who are you supposed to be, you uneducated swine? How dare you call Felix a homeless man!" Zack did not hold back. Instead, he pressed on the attack. He picked up a ceramic ornament and hurled it at Diane. I deflected it with my hand, and the ornament grazed me.

Being an undergraduate made me blind to some things because I could always escape into schoolwork as a way of forgetting them. I could always focus on my studies and forget how mean humans can be sometimes. Working in a grocery store has reminded me of that. And why does it always have to be the most dumbass men that have the tendency to have an ego the size of a small planet? “Are you going to keep getting distracted or will you start fulfilling my wish?” There’s no trace of humor in Christian’s tone and that reminds me that the only time I’ve seen him smile today was once—when he sprung his first wish on me out of the blue like he could see right into my mind and tell that my nervousness w

“You were going to read that cryptic, old-ass, dusty-ass spellbook like some... like some cryptic nerd!” “Its not a spellbook and I am not a cryptic nerd!” I gasped, indignant. Christian laughed, an actual, real laugh that made his whole face light up for a second. "Oh you absolutely are. You’re the kind of person who reads a warning carved into a wall in Latin and says, ‘Hmm, I should read more.’” I bit my cheek, trying not to smile. "And you’re the kind of person who’d hear a noise in a haunted house and say, ‘Must be the wind,’ right before getting eaten."

Stan’s expression light up the moment I mention my book. "Wait, you were the writer of ’Live your life?’ That book was a philosophical breakthrough; it was able to speak the truth about the flaws of our society. It was a real eye-opener. I am a big fan," His confession makes me gleam. I didn't even know that he's a reader of my books. "Why, thank you. People always got angry at me because of how ’contradicting’ it was because I am a Christian," I explain.

“Literally.” Christian’s expression gentled. “That’s… rough.” “It made me grow up fast,” I said “Embarrassingly fast.” A ghost of a smile curved his mouth. “I can relate.” We drifted back into conversation the way you wade into water. Slowly. Carefully. He told me stories about his father’s philandering habits, about siblings who arrived like unexpected announcements, about holidays that felt like negotiations instead of celebrations. The humor he used felt like armor—polished from years of practice.

Harvey was emotionless, as if he had little regard for the situation at hand. “Why don’t you try another slap in the face?” “You’re dead, brat!” “Even God can’t save you now!” “Now that I’ve said so…” Christian drew in a deep breath, his face utterly wretched. “...I’ll make your life a living hell!” Christian picked up a beer bottle. Harvey laughed, amused. “Can you really do that?” “Jax couldn’t fight back when I kept slapping him in the face. Denver couldn’t even get out of bed after I crippled him…”

"That handsome man kissed you and you just run without saying anything. Good lordy girly Women don't run from a fine man like Christian, they run at him, not from him. She picks up a magazine from the coffee table and starts fanning herself and I can't help but laugh. "Penny, you're naughty." She gives me a cheeky grin while continuing to fan herself. "Oh, how I would be naughty for a man like Christian Bowen." I snort out a laugh that has her laughing and I realize that I feel lighter than I have in days. "Oh, Penny, you are hilarious." She smiles wide as she puts the magazine back on the table. "When you get to my age sweetheart you learn very quickly that life is too short. You need to sm

Our counseling sessions had continued, not because there was anything wrong going on between Damien and I but because I needed answers for future issues. "We're both growing and sometimes I fear us backsliding and giving up on Christianity because of how clueless we are." I opened up to her. "The solution to this is to commit to growing. Through more time spent fellowshipping with the brethren and giving yourself to study. There are several Christian books that can guide you on your journey and the Bible is the number one book to look to. It is God's Word." She said. I nodded, "Book recommendations?" "Sure." I took out my journal and jotted down a list of books as she mentioned the names and

“You have called me stupid on multiple occasions, told me I lack brain cells and what else.” “It was all a joke!” Christian defended his actions, but maybe if he never made those jokes in the first place, we wouldn’t have been here. “And I’ve never laughed, not once,” I told him. “Jokes are supposed to be funny.”

Despite everything weighing on her mind, a laugh escaped her. That sounded exactly like Christian. When they returned to the private dining room, the celebration was still in full swing. Glasses clinked together, laughter echoed across the room, and several of Christian’s friends were deep into another ridiculous story from their university days. Christian, however, was in terrible shape. The alcohol had completely destroyed whatever dignity he normally possessed. He was laughing at jokes that weren’t funny, arguing passionately with people who agreed with him, and attempting to explain a complicated business strategy using nothing but a breadstick and a wine glass.