Dad Jokes Dirty Novels & Stories

“Just gimme the shit, man. I’ll get you the money later. My daddy will give it to me.” “No,” Jon said, barely suppressing an evil laugh. “You pay me now.” “I’ll suck your dick. I’ll suck your dick. Just gimme!” He shoved the soiled hot dog into her mouth and laughed as her filthy gums worked around it expertly. Eyes crusted over, she grunted in appreciation as she fellated the dead meat. Every time she shifted, a new foul smell wafted towards Jon. One way, vomit and stale beer. Another, a yeasty fish. Third, diseased semen. Fourth, spoiled mayonnaise.

“Get your dirty hands off me. Don’t touch me!” “Dirty?” Adams sneered at her and threw what was left of wine in her face. He stormed back to her and slapped her face twice. “Bitch, how dare you call me dirty? How clean do you think you are? You seduce me and beg me to fuck you. All the women I have slept with have bigger breasts than you. They are prettier than you. And I am more comfortable when I fuck them. Who the hell do you think you are? If you had not been of some use, I would never hook up with you. You think I’m dirty, don’t you? That's because you have never seen anything dirtier!”

He chuckles with realization, “ You are so damn innocent it makes me want to do the dirtiest shit to you,” Fuck it! Maybe spending my early morning like this doesn’t sound so bad.

<<"Lol. You are crazy man. You will find a virgin soon." >>"...Or after you done with Emily, I can use her. Lol #bad jokes" <<"Cool man. She'd no longer be a virgin for you #😜 " >>"Shame.. Shame.. Gotta go now." >>"Hey bro, she said she is coming for more 🍆"

“Out now.” “You’re not kicking him out!” John yelped as Max grinned in amusement. “Max has better sense than to call a girl ‘self-serving’ and besides, he takes up less space in my living room compared to your clumsy ass.” “Clumsy!” John’s bewildered expression had Max breaking out into a full out laugh. “You heard the lady, Big John. Hustle your fat booty out of here now that you’re done stuffing your crumb catcher—” “Fat booty, my ass! Screw you. I’m Dwayne Johnson shitting hot.”

I growled and snapped at him. Dumb hooked his hand into the waist of my shorts and yanked them off, he tossed them over his shoulder. He started to push my sweatshirt up. Dirty said, "Open your mouth wide bitch." He had opened the front of his jeans, his cock was in his hand, he was stroking it. Dumb grabbed me by my hair, "Yeah, open wide baby. You're gonna get a mouthful." He laughed. He yanked my hair hard and my mouth opened as I screamed. Dirty pushed his disgusting cock into my mouth.

Ademola attempted another joke but this one didn't sell. "Guy, that was fücking dry na." Kayode grimaced disapprovingly at Ademola who wouldn't stop laughing at his own dry joke. "Dude, stop laughing. The joke didn't make any sense fa." Ayomide chided and Ademola stopped laughing for once. Henry kissed his teeth and plopped back down to his bed, laying on it as he stared at the ceiling of their room.

Ryan reminds us. “Sorry,” I smile. “It’s a good thing you don’t wear make-up,” Ryan teases me. “I know, Jeremy would be wearing it as well,” I can’t help the smile. “I got laid this morning and I’m not as happy as kissy face,” Jay laughs. “Yeah, we need to find another closet,” Raymond laughs. “Blue balls got you down?” Jay asks, hitting him in the chest. “A little, yeah,” Ray answers, also laughing.

“No! It’s not super icky, not at all! I like it… it’s just…” “A little bit icky?” “No!” I fidget in my seat. “I meant it’s private, not icky.” Daddy play. The words spin in my brain, and they make sense. That’s what this is. It’s Daddy's play. I saw that on Jerry Springer once, years ago, some grown-up woman in pigtails, coloring in while this guy talked to Jerry about how she was his little-y or something. It made me feel squirmy, all weird and hot, and then so guilty when Mum laughed about it and said how gross it was. Window cleaner guy, that’s who she said it to. And he hadn’t said a word, just stared in my direction.

“Hmm?” “If you keep talking like a LinkedIn motivational speaker, I’m going to throw up all over your father’s car interior.” He turned, blue eyes dropping to my face. “My joke was good.” “Your joke sounds like it was raised in a boardroom.” “That’s slander.” “That’s autobiography.”