Filipino Jokes Novels & Stories

subukan mong magpakita sa pinas nang walang pera ipapahiya kita sa mga pinsan mo Frito" (Don't come home here in our province, try to come here in the Philippines without money, I'll embarrass you in front of your cousins.) "Hindi na kita anak, pinapahiya mo ako sa mga kamaganak ko rito.. akala ko ba naman porket hapon mapapangasawa ko giginhawa na buhay. haruki mahiya ka naman sa mga pinsan mo na naka graduate na ha p*****a kang bata ka wala kang kwenta"

I just looked at him then sat down again. "It's our first baby and yes I really love my wife, she's my everything" the man scratched his neck a little. "Sir, you understand Tagalog, right?" I nodded at him and he smiled. "Because sir, sometimes I don't understand why all the people in the Philippines who are the children of the rich speak English, we're in the Philippines after all" I laughed at what he said and I lost a little of my nervousness. "Im just used to it. Im born to be like this and I can't change that" he nodded.

he said, then continued eating. “And you know how it is in the Philippines—nicknames are either doubled or completely unrelated to your real name. Like our old neighbor, her name was Jonalyn. Her nickname? Tilapia-the fish. Another one was named Jovit, but they called him Betlôg (Men's balls). Where’s the justice in that?” I went on. Jasper burst out laughing. He probably related. I don’t know what my parents were thinking. Maybe they sniffed mosquito coil the day I was born.

sagot niya agad. Hearing those words made Euphie grin viciously. She looked up to the guy and said, “I really don't get it. Why do Filipinos have to apologize for something that we didn't really do? Called Ignorant, Pathetic and Reckless by people like you for some small damn reason, when the only thing we do was to welcome and treat you foreigners right better than we supposed to deserve.”

I tried to chuckle a little for him to understand that I’m not playing with his games anymore. Because the truth is I’m in pain right now seeing those eyes breaks me…. Those eyes don’t show any love right now. Please tell me it’s all just an act please… He looked at me full of astonishment on his face and tried to make me smile. That’s it Love tell me it’s all a joke. “Sorry miss are you Filipino? Why don’t you really know me, maybe you shouldn’t tease me anymore, if I’m not mistaken you’re the woman who called me non-stop right? ” his face was serious as he said that.

"No. Alam mo? Mabuti pa iinom mo nalang muna 'yang init ng ulo mo ngayon. I'm sure you will like this coco juice they have here." Pagkasabi ko dun, I frowned when everyone around me except Mr. Del Fuero laughed at me, na para bang may nakakatawa akong sinabi. "Coco juice daw?" Pang-aasar na tanong ng isa sa mga kasamahan nito saka agad ng humalakhak ang mga ito, causing me to look at them with confused look. I wonder what got these men laugh like this.

I’ll be there at 4 AM! I laughed hard as I read his message. Jeez. I know him. Filipino Time always. In other countries, that's simply called “late.” In the Philippines, it's called “Filipino time.” Filipino time means being minutes to hours late compared to the standard time. It's like having our clock, albeit aware that the right time is the World Standard Time. Lou: Make sure you will be here at 4 in the morning or else, I’m going to make you starve tomorrow!

"You have no idea–I was just joking around, but those disgusting guys went crazy asking me for your contact." The old me would have already been crying, asking her how she could do this to me, voice breaking. Not this me. My teeth clenched so hard they hurt. My whole body trembled with anger. I snatched the flyer out of her hand and slapped her across the face. Tara screamed, clutching her cheek in disbelief. "You hit me? I treat you like my best friend, and you can't even take a joke anymore?" Best friend? I let out a cold laugh.

He made me laugh, a genuine, bubbling sound that felt good after the fear. “Your turn,” he challenged, when he finished. “Tell me a joke. Something to keep the darkness at bay.” I thought for a moment. “Okay, okay… What do you call a fake noodle?” He raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips. “What?” “An impasta!” I delivered the punchline with a flourish, and he actually laughed, a deep, booming sound that warmed the room. “Alright, alright, that was a good one, for a rookie,” he teased. “My turn. Why did the scarecrow win an award?”