Funniest Cartman Novels & Stories

my wife says, with a smile, “Some people are crazy enough to believe in that.” “Ok, so you need a defense against some crazy person then,” he says, confidently, “No problem! I’ve got training, as you know.” “Not exactly,” I say, surprised at the turn this conversation has taken,“We need your help because it’s true.” “What? You guys, that’s hilarious,” he responds, misreading the situation entirely, “Did Amber think this up? You know, when we were kids she used to pull the craziest practical jokes! Did I ever tell you about the milk carton?”

Grumpy. I tried to fall asleep, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop remembering the scene I saw earlier, and it was giving me an unrestful mind. Just then, the door swung wide open, revealing Mr. Samuel with a comically distressed face. "Carter!" he screamed, running toward his bed. I was supposed to sympathize with him, but his sad expression was so over-the-top that I felt the urge to laugh out loud. However, I knew I had to maintain my composure.

I was not in the mood for jokes. Sonny chuckled from the back seat of the truck. “Cheerful as ever, Carter. Is this what we have to look forward to while we are here? If so, are we taking bets on how quickly you piss someone off today?” He too joked. “Or maybe the easier bet, how quickly you make the young gal cry? I assume she will be with us again?”

I say and let out a long, loud fart. Before I've even finished, I'm laughing, and when I look back Oliver is frozen on the bed looking at me as if he's seeing an Alien. The look on his face is so funny that I start laughing hysterically, I throw myself on my bed laughing my ass off and even a few farts escape while I'm laughing, the look on Oliver's face is so funny that at one point my stomach starts to hurt from laughing so hard. "How did you do that?" He asks, looking astonished.

“Are you mad?” “No, Carter, I’m not fucking mad! You’ve just played pranks on me all day long-which I’ve overlooked because you seemed to have fun-but then you faked getting hurt which made me push you into that wall and actually get you hurt. So no, I am not mad, I am ballistic.” I tried to hold in my laughter but a muffled snort left my mouth, forcing me to cover it with my palm. “Are you for real now? You’re laughing?”

"Sorry, but your sense of humor sucks, Zachary! Keyboard emoticons are cheesy." It didn't take ten seconds for the cell phone to vibrate again. "My bunny is so mean... No big carrots for you, so... :')" I sighed and laughed at the same time, choking. I knew he was doing it on purpose. Act in a scrotum way to distract my mind. After laughing until the pain echoed in my belly, I was impressed when I found that it had worked.

Therefore, his illicit dealings would not be uncovered by rivals. As I had publicly claimed to hold evidence, I had struck at the very heart of their power. They would never let that stand. And indeed, three nights later, I received an alert from the miniature camera hidden in my office. On the screen, two shadowy figures crept inside. They started rummaging through drawers and cabinets in search of the so-called evidence. Of course, they found nothing. The evidence had never existed. I watched the footage calmly and saved the entire recording.

The room went dead quiet when I said I would take the prize, but that quiet did not last. A second later, laughter thundered through the air. Lily Smith was the loudest, doubling over with tears streaming from her eyes. "How else could she be the top seller?" she cackled. "A woman like her has to have skin as thick as a rhino." I ignored her snide comments and kept my cool. "Just to be clear," I said, "since the company so generously 'rewarded' me with bathroom duty, that's all I'll be doing for the next three days. Everything else is off my plate."

James looks back at me with hopeful eyes form the setting room before running back to sit beside me. The cartoon was a 10 mins video about a little boy who's dad was a mutant with extremely large teeth and a green eyes. It was sad and satirical but it was also very funny. I could feel James hopeful eyes staring back at me until the very end of it. He turned the lights back on before the end credits began to play.

“Mia challenged me to a style-off and Carter agreed. The makeover of Darius Carathurs has suddenly become a competition between me and my intern. How the fuck am I going to polish that turd?” Parker laughed. It wasn’t just a polite chuckle or a cough to disguise his amusement. It was a full-on belly laugh that had him throwing himself back in his seat, his head back and his mouth wide open. “Yeah, go ahead and laugh,” Liam muttered. “Just wait until Carter gets a brilliant idea for your blog.”