Funny Inappropriate Bible Verses Novels & Stories

The red haired man concluded and stretched his arms above his head. †**************************************† • Dove : The beauty product. • Deuteronomy 27:25 "Cursed is anyone who accepts a bribe to kill an innocent person." Then all the people shall say, "Amen!" • Proverbs 17:15 He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD.

And the God followed that threat with a gentle laugh. I, in disbelief, whispered the word that I hadn't uttered for so long. "Scumbag." But Arche obviously heard me because he suddenly stopped laughing. "Ah, pardon my vulgar vocabulary," I said, then I gave the God my infamous arrogant smirk. "I should have said 'may your hairline decline each time your divine mouth sprouts garbage' instead." I should thank my mother’s journal for teaching me well. Ah, no… It’s more like 'Meredith’s Guide to Eloquent Cursing 101.' After all, the journal was filled with her unique way of cursing

She glared at him and he smiled, liking the challenge she held up. "Is that what it seems? Even the Bible did say that the devil knows best what is written in that Bible you humans read every time you go to church and pretend like you didn't fuck your wife to produce a child. It's funny to think that Father Antonio had fucked his wife to bring forth a child, like pining her down a bed and fucking her till she was ripe with his child. How funny." He said and laughed, letting her boobs go. She glared hard, wanting to hit him with the item on the table but she knew better.

"She's practically family." "What are you talking about?" "You grew up together. She's been like a sister to you since you were children." Her voice takes on that sanctimonious tone that’s peculiar to her. "The Bible is very clear about these matters, Caleb. Leviticus warns us about the dangers of... inappropriate relationships within families. Even when there's no blood relation, when someone has been raised as family, those feelings are..." She shudders delicately. "Unnatural." We sit in the quiet, dense with everything she doesn't understand. Everything she's never tried to understand. She's constructed this entire narrative about who she thinks I am, and it's so completely, devastatingly

"I will stand this life...Yes, I will. This second chance that God gave me...I'll treasure it. Oh God if you wanted to give me something. Just give me some clothes first! Your this rich and now I'll get no shirt? How useless are you?!" "You really pitied this handsome right? Haha... I know! I know! You are not going to leave me in this smelly place, right? This place is yuck! The smell is shit! And this place is so dark! Whose who ever heard this! I swear to God that I would kill this bastard and I will kill him to death! I would even strangle him to this shit! Fuck that guy!" Afar from the scene... "I think Shit God finished the food already."

"I am sorry to hear that your friend's parents were scammed by pastors. It makes me sad that there are people who use their position in the ministry to cheat others. What sorts of thoughts about life don't make sense to you?" "A lot!" Blackwheel shook his head. "What happened to my friend's parents is in the past and it is fine. I don't pay tithe anyway in case any fake pastor is planning on scamming me. Are you sure you will feel comfortable hearing about my thoughts?" "Yes!" The pastor replied. "Alright! I will start with sex! Is incest wrong?" Blackwheel fired. "Yes. It is very wrong," the pastor replied. "But, Cain in your Bible slept with his sister. I think that is too close. Abraham a

“Wow. God talks to you? That’s great. Could you tell him that I’d like world peace and Elvis 73 Laurann Dohner back? I dream about him hooking up with some cool metal band. They could make some kickass music together.” The man gawked at her but finally closed his mouth. His eyes rounded while his face reddened. “You mock me? You mock God?” “No. I’d never make fun of God. What I mock is that you’re an idiot who doesn’t seem to know it. Instead of wasting your time here you should be getting your own life together. I wonder what God has to say about judging others? Remember that one? I do, from Bible school. I never once saw a bumper sticker that says Jesus or God loves you

his mum stated. She added distastefully. "I'm sure Vanessa's just trying to keep her figure." Adam sighed inwardly. They've been through this a lot of time. His mum had even used scriptural verses to back herself up. Highlighting out the place where God had told Abraham about having numerous descendants and the part where God had told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply the earth. "Now mum," he looked away slyly. "If I remember correctly, even Jesus didn't have kids."

The voice made me remember a verse our pastor used as a sermon in the bible the last time I attended the evening bible study that always takes place every Tuesday. I can recall the verse very well that says, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Take therefore the whole armour of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand, therefore, with your loins girt with truth and your breastplate of righteousness on. And with the preparation of the gospel of peace on your feet;

The table erupts in laughter, but I’m already vibrating, whiskey sloshing in the bottle as I slam it down hard enough to crack the glass. “Oh, that’s poetry,” I crow, voice pitching high and wild, bunny helmet spinning faster on my finger like a propeller. “I want that stitched on a goddamn patch—‘Left in a ditch with his own chain.’ Hell, I’ll mail their prez a bunny helmet engraved ‘Hop along, asshole, love, the Fallen Gods.’” I throw my head back and cackle, the sound bouncing off the rafters, and Caleb nearly chokes on his beer while King just shakes his head, grinning like he’s proud of the lunatic he’s allied with.