Funny Inappropriate Bible Verses Novels & Stories

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

"What contradictions? Do you mind backing your statement with an instance in the Bible where God contradicted himself." "Yes I can do that," I said, touching my brows with my hand again. "In the New Testament, there is a passage where God says he can't tempt man to commit evil. But in the Old Testament, God tempted Abraham by instructing him to kill his son and murder in the modern world is evil. Those two passages contradict each other. Do you care to explain why they do?" Uncle Max was silent. For a brief moment, he was silent. I watched as he closed his eyes and exhaled all the stress piled up in his chest. Even above thirty, he was still a handsome man.

When he sneezes, the economy of Z country will come to a standstill. Now he had been humiliated to the extent of sitting on the ground naked! What if someone comes into this gate now? He can’t possible bear the humiliation. Then he remembered few years ago, when his mother was still alive, he had gone to pick the mother up in the church. It seemed that he had gone earlier than scheduled, he therefore sat at the back of the church waiting for her mother to dismiss from the church. The priest was still delivering his sermon, and the priest had quoted from ‘the proverbs in the Holy Bible’ “he that goes into another man’s wife, reduces himself to a loaf of bread.”

the man keeps interrupting "hey you shut the fuckup Fitsher, you're a gad`damn drunk, how many bottles would your sh*t belly take before you stop, with your chicken hands. What do you mean by "dem right!" (Big j mimicking his voice) I'm sure your mama is at the church singing halleluyah praise the Lord my son is a good man, not knowing he is an empty vessel! with chicken brains." "hahahaha." other men laughing at Fitsher "what are you laughing about?, (they all fell silent) you are all a disgrace!" Big j said.

I wanted to run away from that suffocating room, run away from the relationship that had been a mistake from the start. "Something seems off with you today." Ethan reached out, trying to feel my forehead. I instinctively avoided him. "I'm fine. You should head over to the meeting room first." … Ethan frowned. He was about to call Cameron when the headline caught his attention. The moment Cameron answered, he heard a frosty voice questioning, "Why did you invite Sophia to be a healer for our pack?" Cameron was confused. "She's a skilled healer. What's wrong with inviting her to our pack?"

It was such a wonderful story that comforted him. He opened the Bible and placed it upon his thighs. A verse on the second page - Jeremiah 11:19 - was highlighted in bold. He read it out aloud not daring the silence around him. But I was like a lamb or an ox that is brought to the slaughter; and I knew not that they had devised devices against me, saying, let us destroy the tree with the fruit thereof, and let us cut him off from the land of the living, that his name may be

God forbid bad thing! Johnson ➡ Wait oo, oloshi, do you think I'm stupid like you? Really me impregnate you? You dey craze, no self you dey mad, Misguided element, Uncharted life form! Ur generation sick for head! Yes, we would have been an item, but you've slept with slots of men, and I can't merge myself with a public transport which everyone has entered, Ashawo, you no well? BigBam ➡ So you get mouth abi? You go see na,you don chop toto finish, you want scatter run! Idiot, besides you no get proof!

And if we think Bill’s guts are terrifying, can you imagine what we would find inside Frank? “Right,” Frank says, grinding the barrel deeper. “The Bible said nothing about going down on rock stars, because rock stars hadn’t been invented when Jesus walked the Earth. Can I get an Amen?” “Amen?” Bill mutters. In the rearview mirror, his nephew continues his pursuit, wisely dropping back a few car-lengths. “You’re damn skippy.” Frank tucks away the pistol and flops back in his seat, adjusting his collar with a few deft tugs. “For the love of God, Bill, why are you always so dense?”

Damien “Jesus Christ, Damien, you’re disgusting,” I muttered, but I didn’t put them back. Instead I sat down heavy on the bed again and brought the fabric up to my face. I took a long sniff, deep and slow, and his smell hit me like a punch. Sweat and that faint soap he used and something warmer, more him. My dick twitched in my jeans just from that. Pathetic. I laughed at myself, short and mean. “Look at you. Got slapped, called Satan, and now you’re sniffing his dirty undies like some creep in a movie. Real winner.”

Nancy says and Mrs Gail rolls her eyes. “You are just like Amari. Its only new testament in your head. My bible also says, ‘But if there is harm, then you shall pay life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, stripe for stripe.’ Exodus 21 verse 23 to 25 my sister. Go read it. I should go put sarin on that witch.” “Sister Gail!”