Funny Inappropriate Bible Verses Novels & Stories

"We continue to study what the Bible says about Jesus Christ. In Mark 11:24, Jesus says, 'Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will all be yours.' Ptr Kris read from the bible, adding, "In Luke 10:3, "Go, I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." Let's also look at verse 18,'I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven.' Verse 19,'I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemies; nothing will harm you." “Verse 20 says, ‘However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your name is written in heaven.’ “Ptr Kris continues, "This is the Word of God."

] There was no empathy, no kindness, and no love. ‘La tua Bibbia non ti insegna ad essere gentile con i bambini, il tuo Figlio di Dio, dice: "Lascia che i bambini vengano a me"? Non ti prendi cura di questi bambini?’ [Doesn’t your bible teach you to be kind to children, your own Son of God, says ‘Suffer little children to come unto me’. Don’t you care for these children?] The Nun tsked at her and shook her head,

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

“How about telling them to come suck on my dick?” Lucas frowned in response, “that's grossly inappropriate Alpha.” He replied. “But I feel there are other ways you could convey your thoughts without having to be vulgar.” He said. “I honestly feel saying that is okay.” Dean replied. “Absolutely not, alpha.” Lucas replied stubbornly. “Not only is it inappropriate, people might disrespect you if they heard that you said stuff like that.” “So what do you suggest?” “How about telling them we'll get back to them.” “How does that fulfill the objective of annoying them?” Dean asked with a growl escaping his lips.

“I know you always say my name when you don’t have a witty remark ready.” “Shut it.” “See?” “This is about you.” I tried to emphasize with my animated hand gestures. “Let’s focus on your fuck ups for once. I’m tired of talking about how fucked up my life is. In more ways than one and yes — pun and fun intended.” “I’d rather focus on something else.” “Like the size of Timothy’s penis?” “YAEL!” “Sorry.”

It seemed to Augustus that his tone was a shade unfriendly. “Look at it this way, Dish,” Augustus said. “You’re storing up manna in heaven, working like this.” “Heaven be damned,” Dish said. Augustus smiled. “Why, the Bible just asks for the sweat of your brow,” he said. “You’re even sweating from the belt buckle, Dish. That ought to put you in good with the Seraphim.” The reference was lost on Dish, who bitterly regretted his foolishness in allowing himself to be drawn into such

he yelled at the top of his lungs. Austin smiled lowly. "Leviticus chapter 19 verse 18 says 'thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD." Sneering at his son. "Since when do you read—"

I said. "Tha...tha...that's not t-t-true," Mom stuttered while I flicked at her bean. "Bullshit," I growled. The Pastor's eyes bounced between the action in Mom's groin and the devilish look in my eyes. "Be that as it may, son, the bible tells us in Deuteronomy 27:20 that 'cursed is anyone who has sexual intercourse with his father's wife.' Son, I, uh, don't want you to be cursed."

Jennifer replied "Okay,then you should try that and reading the bible for once. Because that also helps getting rid of anger,too" "You know that it's been awhile since I've read the bible. I wouldn't know what scriptures to read on" "Well,there's Ephesians chapter four verse thirty one and two. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you"

I need your wisdom, Lord. The Bible I was holding fell down wide open. The pages flipped and brought my eyes to the book of Proverbs 19:9 – A false witness shall be punished, and a liar shall be caught. I would be punished from my wrong doings. I lied. I had a discreet sexual relationship with the member of the congregation. I would be punished for I was false witness and a liar. I hoped I would not be caught but God was not sleeping for he knew everything hidden down the earth, and he would give me what I truly deserved. The curtains swayed back and forth from the breeze whooshing and roaring thunder came afterwards which brought me to sleep.