Funny Insult Names Novels & Stories

“Fine. Add me now. Let me see whether your name is really that.” Nola stepped forward, took Samuel’s phone, and glanced at his game nickname. She could not hold back her laughter. “Old man, I thought your ID would just be your plain old name, Samuel. I did not expect you to call yourself Peak King Samuel. Ahahahahahahaha.” Samuel had no words. Was it that funny? Nola’s wild laughter was not very aggressive, but it was extremely insulting. Samuel instantly felt as if he had taken ten thousand points of damage.

“Is that all you got? That was the funniest insult you can come up with?” Eleanor backs off, staring at me with narrowed eyes. I can’t tell if she’s trying to recognize me, or if she’s just too angry and stunned to speak. Either way, I don’t care. “They did say that low IQ people tend to go for stupid, shallow insults,” I say calmly. “You don’t look very smart, both of you. And besides, even with all the money in the world, you just can’t buy style. Look at how both of you are dressed. All logos. No class. Maybe I should give you this dress. It might save you.”

All you gotta do was give them the last name, and trust me it was like walking into a casino to place bets. Was it Sarah, or Matilda, Janelle, Donil —and I still didn't get how in the name of Apple products that Donil was an actual name— Franca, and the fucking worst of them all Gloria. I have had enough of women, I preferred the use and dump. It was far better than some stupid commitment. Just fuck them and get out of there. There was no need for some sappy shit. No one liked cheesy.

"Ms. Sampson's villa isn't home for the homeless. They're your parents, aren't they, Felix? Figures. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ugh, I can still smell the mud on them." Rage flared within my heart, but I held it back and quickly wiped the water off my in-laws. Diane had a short fuse. She would not stand for this insult, so she snapped, "And who are you supposed to be, you uneducated swine? How dare you call Felix a homeless man!" Zack did not hold back. Instead, he pressed on the attack. He picked up a ceramic ornament and hurled it at Diane. I deflected it with my hand, and the ornament grazed me.

Elena hadn't been through sensitivity training before, but damn, that was a cruel moniker in anyone's book. "Yeah, sure. It's better than the first one she tried to stick me with. At least this one rolls off the tongue, so to speak." Marie moaned at the pun. Elena was still in minor shock that josh would take that kind of name with no qualms. "I'm almost too afraid to ask, but what was the first one?" Marie giggled and josh had a pained expression on his face. Marie answered. "Bleedin' Dung Puncher of Billings."

I felt my lips purse and my brows furrow and my eyes twitch slightly. Dammit! What just happened helped pushed away thoughts and voice of Maxwell douchebag Mckenzie. Yeah, it did helped. A whole damn lot. I stand up and dust invisible dirt of my shorts. "You can keep the job," I pause. "And Ivanono?" Rolling my eyes, I raise my hands up for emphasis. "What kind of name is that for a dog? It's just like naming a day old infant Marshmallow. The name would be worst for a person and its stupid for an animal. Other than your dog is insane, ugly and creepy." I yawn with my hand fisted against my mouth. "And smells bad too." I supply and Mr Grumpy Humphrey chuckles.

I shouted insults at him, calling him every name in the book, but he just laughed in response. "Let me go! I'm not finished with you!" I shouted, fueled by anger. "Oh, calm down, sweetheart. No need to get all riled up," he chuckled in response, his voice dripping with amusement. I glared at him, my heart still pounding in my chest. "You think this is funny? You think you can just mock me?" He shrugged casually. "You're the one making a scene here. So, go ahead, insult me. Call me every name in the book. It won't change a thing."

"Nice joke. I guess living a poor man's life has diminished your sense of humor greatly." A snigger was heard somewhere in the corner. We always played this game. The 'Let's insult each other game' it was fun until one of us tried to rip each other's throats. That was, in fact, part of the game. You get mad you lose. “Poor and proud. I can still wear a fifty dollar suit and walk into a room full of pompous rich assholes like yourself and own the fucking show." I grinned, "Not to forget woo the ladies."

I walked up to the triplets, a determined look in my eyes and a sly smile lingered on my face as I walked towards them. "You know, it's really fascinating how you all think you're so superior and the best because of a little formality added to your name But let me tell you something, the only power you have is the power you allow others to have over you. You are nothing than just brats who love bullying others because they are called Royals and funny enough that name doesn't suits them or did it?" I smiled crookedly placing my hand on my lips and few person's erupted in laughter while the rest glared at me for insulting their favourite.

These crapsters brought the worst out of me. “Ho ho ho. Hear the Queen of Immaturity speak,” Jax hissed. “Better than smelling the poopy Vulture King,” I hissed back. “Dirty Goblin” “Dumb Pig” “Potty Mouth” “Barbaric Caveman” “Basic Bitch” “Clothes Whore” “Hey ! I am just an OCS- Over Compulsive Shopper,” Jax protested. “Clothes Whore,” Kai and I deadpanned. “Your moral compass is on fire,” Jax huffed.