Funny Insulting Names Novels & Stories

“That’s inhumane.” The girl shrugs. “It’s kind of nice to be ignored. Better than being picked on. Oh, I’m FA by the way.” “FA?” I question. “Is that short for something?” She immediately turns pink in the face and gives me an awkward laugh. She adjusts her glasses again. “Yes, unfortunately. Fat Ass.” “Fat Ass?!” I gasp. “That’s your name?!” She tips her head. “Not, governmentally, per say but, yes. Here it is.”

"Ms. Sampson's villa isn't home for the homeless. They're your parents, aren't they, Felix? Figures. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ugh, I can still smell the mud on them." Rage flared within my heart, but I held it back and quickly wiped the water off my in-laws. Diane had a short fuse. She would not stand for this insult, so she snapped, "And who are you supposed to be, you uneducated swine? How dare you call Felix a homeless man!" Zack did not hold back. Instead, he pressed on the attack. He picked up a ceramic ornament and hurled it at Diane. I deflected it with my hand, and the ornament grazed me.

A small laugh escaped me at that brutally crafted insult and their heads snapped towards me as if just remembering I was still there. "And what's so funny Dhampir," Lana chewed on the word like it disgusted her. I refused to let her think it bothered me and shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. "Nothing, really. I was just thinking if that's the opinion your friends have of you, I can't imagine what the rest of the court thinks." "What's it to you," Gwyneth piped in. "It's not like your reputation at court is anything to brag about. I think beastly and insolent were among the most common terms going around."

I laugh despite myself. Then my phone buzzes with a new message. Logan: Forgive me. I stare at it. He couldn't say it to my face. Couldn't even manage a proper sorry. Andrea: Apology not accepted. I watch the typing bubbles appear, disappear, then come back. Andrea: I'm changing your name to Asshole in my phone. The bubbles stop. Then start again. Asshole: Watch your language. If you're going to insult me, at least be creative. That one's lazy, even for you.

Gracie was just right in-front of me, I needed to clear my head. “Bitch, you’re going to act like you didn’t see me?” “Not today, Satan.” “Satan insists.” “I resist,” “I…bitch what’s another word that has the sist?” “Desist?” “I desist?” “Fool. Little wonder your parents named you Cassava.” I breathed deeply, maybe I should’ve just replied my emails. “It’s Ca-ssa-fucking-no-va!” “Of course.” “There’s no point in correcting someone who already knows they’re wrong,” the long mouthed Nick chipped in.

Tanner chuckled. "Asshole." Nolan hit his forehead with his fingers. "Fucking dick." He snarled. "Horny jackass." "Small fucking dick." "Yellow motherfucking bitch." "Dick Shri—" "Seriously Tanner, don't you have anything more than dick in your insults?" Jayla asked, interrupting their slashing conversation. "Well, dick is more appropriate for insulting someone." Tanner smirked and Nolan rolled his eyes. "Thank god, I'm not around you guys." She muttered.

While two mature people among them, who were standing there, seeing and hearing with sighed. "What can be expected from her, she only suggests childish and foolish things." Jenny scoffed. Sohu erupted "Why what's wrong with this name?" She looked at Jenny. "It sounds like a baby nickname, not a brand name," Jenny replied sarcastically. The others were nodded in agreement. "Okay, then if you have another name in your mind then tell us." Sohu folding her arms in front of her chest she said "Then I will tell you that why I chose this name."

None really had looked surprised, which was odd with nothing else considered. “Yeah, we’re named The Hell Hounds. We got called ‘bitch’ long enough that we wanted to thumb our noses at them. Who’s meaner than a hound of hell? His momma.” Jaxon laughed, and when he finished, “Oh, I like that. You must have really fun training days.”

“Well blame it to the ‘QUEEN’! Ugh! She always has to lie that I want to be called that and our fans are the royal companyans! Since then they keep calling me ‘Princess Anya’! Eulck!'' She then sticks her tongue out like she’s gagging. “Princess Anya. Hmm…” I said. “Sounds like a porn star name.” “Excuse me?” She looks at me with the same look but instead, she looks more confused than disgusted. I just look at her and I start to giggle again. “Hey! That’s not funny! That’s just rude…And bullying~!” “Pft! You call that bullying?” “Not really." She shrugs. "I’ve gone through something much worse than that.”

I shouted insults at him, calling him every name in the book, but he just laughed in response. "Let me go! I'm not finished with you!" I shouted, fueled by anger. "Oh, calm down, sweetheart. No need to get all riled up," he chuckled in response, his voice dripping with amusement. I glared at him, my heart still pounding in my chest. "You think this is funny? You think you can just mock me?" He shrugged casually. "You're the one making a scene here. So, go ahead, insult me. Call me every name in the book. It won't change a thing."