Funny Mom Jokes Dirty Novels & Stories

After I started college, Mom said she'd send me money in installments. "Lucia, you're an adult now. I want you to learn how to manage money, so I'll give you your living expenses in installments." I figured she meant monthly. Maybe weekly, worst case. Then move-in day came. Mom walked around the cafeteria, checked the prices, and sent $8 to my payment app. I stared at my phone. "Mom, did you send the wrong amount?" She smiled. "Silly girl. That's your lunch money for today. I checked already. Just get the cheapest grab-and-go meal. "From now on, ask me for money before each meal." I froze. So by installments, she didn't mean monthly. Or weekly. She meant one meal at a time. By da

Three days after my mom died, the hospital called. "Mr. Carter, your mother has an outstanding balance of $1,873.60. Please come in and pay it as soon as possible." What? I stared at my mom's body. They had to have the wrong person. I'd paid every bill before she was discharged. She was supposed to be cremated and buried today. How could she still owe money? The person on the phone clicked their tongue. "Her family is responsible for the bill! She received treatment, so someone has to pay for it. It's $1,873.60." "Are you sure that's for Winona Carter?" "Yes. Come quickly."

“I’m just kidding. Of course, I want more.” Oh, she’s going to get it now. I lean forward like I'm going to kiss her and then push her so she's lying on her back. When she tries to sit up, I tickle her ribs until she’s laughing so hard tears are running down her cheeks. Dakota comes running out of her room. “What’s going on?” She asks. “Mommy was teasing me, so I thought she needed a good tickle. Do you want to help me?” I ask, not letting Anushka get up no matter how hard she tries. Dakota runs over to the couch laughing and begins ticking her, too.

His lips felt hot against her skin, a painful contrast to the frost in his eyes. "Pleased to meet you, Mommy," Xavier whispered, emphasizing the word with deep mockery. As he pulled back, he leaned slightly toward her, close enough for his sharp, masculine scent to overwhelm her senses. "You look very expensive tonight, Elara. How much did my father pay to make you kneel at his feet?" Elara’s blood ran cold. "Xavier, how is this possible?" she whispered, barely audible. "Nothing is impossible, Mom. We’ve been reunited, haven't we? You walked right into your own hell," he hissed intimidatingly.

Why would they ever come forward to clear her name? "This is not a funny joke." Just as Lisbeth finished speaking, Sebastian's phone on the coffee table began to ring.

I screamed at Mom, "What is wrong with you? I've told you over and over to stop running your mouth! Can't you think before you speak? Will you only be happy when you've gotten me shunned and abandoned by everyone?" Seeing me completely lose it, Mom lowered her voice considerably. "I didn't know she'd get upset. All I did was tell her the truth—who knew she'd be so petty?" Dad was angry too. He reprimanded Mom loudly, "Don't you know there's a time and place for telling the truth? You speak without any regard for who you're talking to or what the occasion calls for. Instead, you just blurt out whatever pops into your head! There's something seriously wrong with you."

Irritated, Barbara slapped him and said, "Why are you crying? No one died in this house." The five or six-year-old Jerry Miller cried and said sadly, "Mom is mean, Mom is a witch. I don't like Mom anymore!" Barbara, already in a bad mood, was even more angered by her son's public mockery, making her want to slap him again. The mother and son created a chaotic scene in the living room. Madam Martínez had a displeased expression and said calmly, "Haley, after signing the contract, come to my study with me."

My voice was hoarse, but I enunciated my words clearly, “Throwing a tantrum won’t help. The evidence is right before you. I kept a record of every cent you transferred to me. “Amelia, be honest. Don’t you know your family’s actual financial situation? “Do you really believe all the lies your mom told, or have you been helping her trick everyone else on purpose?” Amelia avoided meeting my gaze, and her expression kept changing. In the end, she flew into a fit of rage out of humiliation. “Does it matter if my mother lied? She only did it to make you look good and make others think highly of you! “You, on the other hand, are an ungrateful brat! You turned everything into a mess and embarrassed

Dad asked, as the car got quiet before I could finish my sentence. "Sorest butt in town. We're not doing that again. Not without a pillow or something," Mom answered. "No kidding. I think my legs are both asleep. I'll be lucky to be able to walk," I said. "Jesus, Jeremy. She only weighs a few pounds. Man up." "I'm just kidding Dad. It was cool. Fun even." "I hope it wasn't too much fun," he growled climbing out of the car. Mom had the door open, and was crawling out of the car. I watched her wipe the insides of her thighs with her hands, then she turned to me and licked them.

Mom sat down across from her, spine straight, carrying herself a hundred times better than this woman. Vivian's eyes landed on Mom's face. "So what skincare do you use?" Mom set down her cup, sounding mildly surprised. "Oh, I don't really use skincare. A bit of sun, plenty of water, and that's it." Vivian's grip on her cup tightened. She managed a stiff smile, her eyes sweeping over Mom. "No wonder. Well, you'll have to start taking better care of yourself. You're not exactly a sweet young twenty-something men dote on, like us."