Funny Ones Novels & Stories

I laugh, crossing my arms to admire my hard work. He scrunches his nose. "It smells like girl shit in here." He glances at me with an unamused look on his face. "As opposed to dirty underwear and stale beer?" I tilt my head to the side. "Or maybe you prefer roasted nuts?" I bite my lip in attempt to keep from giggling. "Not funny," he replies dryly, popping a carrot in his mouth. He freezes, shoving the half chewed carrot to one side. "You don't have any travel size flammables with you... do you?"

The day before the high school reunion, the queen bee who'd bullied me for three years suddenly posted a video in the group chat. In the video, my 220-pound high school self was locked inside a bathroom, with a piece of paper stuck to the back of my uniform that read: [No Food for Pigs] The group chat instantly erupted. [Holy shit, she's coming to the reunion?] [Do you think the hotel chairs can hold her?] [After all these years, she can't possibly still be so fat she won't even fit through the door, right?] Naomi White, the queen bee who'd led the bullying back then, tagged me. [Old friend, everyone wants to see you. You have to come to the reunion this time.] Soon, someone started

Life’s so unfair, man. “What does a spoon matter when we’re literally stuck in the middle of the woods with invisible monsters, shady, bad men and whatever else creeps around here? Can you please, for once, use your brain and kick some sense in the gear?” He whisper-hisses, so red in the face, he reminds me of a tomato. “You could join a casting for vegetable commercials looking like this,” I remark and laugh at the brilliant joke my brain just reacted. Shit, am I not the funniest guy out there? Look at me - sense of humor, looks, body and an impressive spoon collection, I have it all, damn it. No wonder my little vixen couldn’t deny me.

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

"You have no idea–I was just joking around, but those disgusting guys went crazy asking me for your contact." The old me would have already been crying, asking her how she could do this to me, voice breaking. Not this me. My teeth clenched so hard they hurt. My whole body trembled with anger. I snatched the flyer out of her hand and slapped her across the face. Tara screamed, clutching her cheek in disbelief. "You hit me? I treat you like my best friend, and you can't even take a joke anymore?" Best friend? I let out a cold laugh.

she giggled at her own joke. Guila’s giggle rippled through the air, a moment of levity amidst the heavy atmosphere. Her joke, bizarre and unexpected, painted a vivid picture in my mind. I couldn’t help but smile at her words, the image she conjured absurdly amusing. It was as if, even in the darkest moments, she managed to find a glimmer of humor, a ray of light that pierced through the shadows.

His eyes widened as the phone clicked open. "Zoey you were right! His password is Jerry! "Hmm!. Wonders shall never end!" Hunter said.He entered the phone files and checked the documents.Comedy acts were written in them (maybe where he stole his jokes from?) and a copied poem.Hunter checked his videos and even his music list but found nothing out of the ordinary.Next he checked the picture gallery.Scrolling down he saw Jerry and his parents playing golf, Jerry and his parents attending fancy parties, Jerry with his friends, Jerry in selfies, Jerry and his dogs, a border collie and a german shepherd, Jerry and a girl kissing, Jerry laughing, Jerry giving someone the finger, a hand holding a l

" ok grandma, we're happy to see you again! the twins nodded in uniformed manner ,as they greeted their grandmother ,with their sweet tickling kiddie voices. So overwhelmed by their cute smiles , Mrs McArthur felt a chilly blood dripping to her head. She smiled back to them. " Oh my goodness, you two are such angels" Mr McArthur couldn't focus on the ceremony again, he was just looking at the ceramic ceiling of the auditorium. " oh my God, you two are such adorable" Mrs McArthur repeated. The boy, Donald Wellington turned his head to look at his sister and muttered" this our grandma is overly excited, but this so claimed of a grandpa is looking like the whole world is against him". The two l

I sat next to Anton in the control room, watching Margaret prep the final upload. “Three, two, one…” she whispered. “And... live.” The Cassandra Files went up. Within minutes, notifications exploded on every screen in the bunker. Social media threads erupted. Journalists tagged and re-tagged each other. #CassieWasFramed trended in under an hour. I exhaled. “We did it.” But Anton’s eyes narrowed. “No,” he said slowly. “Something’s off.” Margaret frowned and tapped her keyboard. “Why is the runtime wrong? It’s longer than what we uploaded.”

"I'm sorry I'm late, CeCe." The moment those words—sounding especially respectful and familiar—left Terrence's lips, the whole private room fell silent. Everyone's eyes widened, as if they couldn't believe what they'd just heard. After a brief silence, Vanessa suddenly burst into loud, shrill laughter. "CeCe? Oh my goodness, that's hilarious!" She pointed at me, her face full of disdain and contempt. "I knew it! How could a fresh graduate like you possibly land a client as tough as Gilla Group on your own? Turns out all you did was just climb into Mr. Kapowsky's bed!"