Funny Ones Novels & Stories

he asked her, giving her an innocent look. “You think you’re very funny, don’t you, you little piece of Gorilla Fart?” she asked him angrily, trying to turn his joke on him. Mac and Tara actually laughed this time. N-1-9-8-9 gave her a dazzling smile. “Ahhh… she is smart,” he said. “And nope, I’m not funny. I just think I’m a little too hot.” Mac took a gulp of his beer. “Left fist or right fist, Yenny. Just say the word and I’ll give it to him,” he offered.

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

He laughed like it was the funniest thing ever. “Oh no, baby. Mommy remembers that. Mommy just wants to make sure that Noey is still keeping to his own end of the agreement. Right, baby?” “Yes! Noey lips are sealed. But don't forget your promise to Noey too.” He smiled. “Promise?” “Yes. How can you forget? You're forgetting a lot of things now Mommy. Are you old now, mommy?.” His expression mirrored that of confusion. Even the toddler is suspicious of me. Great.

"I knew right then she wasn't cut out for the big leagues." That was a recital when I was eight years old. It was my first time facing such a large audience, and I did get stage fright. But Rhys was the first one to rush onto the stage to comfort me back then. He told me, "Maeve, you played wonderfully. Those people just don't understand music." Now he was using it to humiliate me. Laughter echoed through the room, and my cheeks burned. He was mocking me in public, turning my past humiliation into a punchline.

TILDA School was kind of funny. Every year had a particular ‘vibe' it gave. The year we got into senior class, we were all nervous, at the very least. Rightfully so ‘cause there were many things that seemed out of place, and it was that way for everyone.

My eyes widened for a second, then I shook my head and brought myself to look at her with a frown. "Good point. Relationships are complicated, even when they end. Sometimes it's hard to let go I guess, huh?" "I think we know better than anyone." Liza giggled and nudged me in the ribs teasingly. I chuckled, and then we both burst into high pitched laughter. It's always so ironic how the most messed up shit is hilarious to laugh at in hindsight. What are we thinking, anyway? Staying around people who treat us like shit.

He knocked twice before walking into the office. *** The First One was staring at the prettiest one in the group and trying to look interested in the others but it was difficult resisting her charm. The First One made a joke and they all laughed. She was beautiful, gorgeous and perfect. The First One finished addressing the group and left them. He headed for the parking lot. Today had been quite an exhausting day. Just like the others, he was dedicating a lot of time towards knowing her. He already knew her turn-on, turn-off, taste, daily routines and even her bedtime.

And so, on and on ,like the osscilation of a pendulum, the disheartening piece of my bio churned while the sands of time dripped slowly and slowly as it watched my narration irks the soul of the spectators. That I thought, but it appeared to be nothing but a blunt lie. It was a revolving piece of gags and laughs. A piece of funny cake, a chunk of interesting cheese, a loaf of an adventurous bread and a real ginger to the spirits of the audience. They applauded.

He passed them to each of the kids one by one, and the room buzzed with laughter and thank-yous. I stood at the back, clutching the hem of my shirt, a sick feeling building in my stomach. Something bad was going to happen. I could feel it. It did. When Uncle Ray reached me, his hands were empty. He blinked, embarrassed. “Kellen, I am sorry. I miscounted this time and came up one short. I will make it up to you later, okay?” My whole body started to shake. I knew what was coming. Dad was going to lose it, and those words were going to come out of his mouth.

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