Funny Quotes About Midlife Crisis Novels & Stories

Air quoting fuck buddies, he concealed his laugh beneath his sarcasm. “You become stubborn when you get old.” As if a virus had entered in me, I talked a language I didn’t understand, yet enjoyed every bit of it. “Still I'm going to marry you.” He sounded nothing but serious, and my body quivered by his sincerity, “I'm dripping honey off my mouth, oh! No wonder, I just gulped your cum down.” Licking his full lips with a hideous smile, he snickered. “At least I'm not old enough to lose my sense of taste.”

I bit my lip hard. “I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, my voice cracking at the edges. He chuckled. “Feeling sad for me?” “Of course.” “Don’t. I’m too old for those mushy emotions.” “You’re not old. Stop saying that. You’re perfectly in the center. Give it a couple of years and you’ll be an old man.” He laughed. Actually laughed. One of his rare laughs that felt like warm moonlight. “You can be very heartless,”

I snort. What a cliché quote some or other happy drunk motivational speaker concocted when he was at a loss for words. It must be the same asshole who suggested grabbing life by the horns, that winners never quit, and that everything happens for a reason. “Well, keep on dreaming, girl.” Cause that dream is not gonna happen. Luckily, that’s Axel’s shit. Not mine. I fake a smile, “Cheers!” and throw the alcohol down my throat before I bite into a piece of lemon. The sour taste causes goosebumps on my skin.

She sobbed miserably as she continued her charade. “Have you finished your act?” Chris laughed mockingly before he turned to his father “Is this a Walter tradition to have an act along with breakfast?” “Ha…ha…ha…” Adam laughed without directly answering; Elizebeth covered her stifled laughs with coughs. “I think we should do this….” Chris continued to mock “Dad, I have heard laughing increases one’s lifespan.” “Stop….” Sheryl cried out “Why are you mocking me? What have I……”

["Haha, what a joke. If you count my real age in human years, I will be much older than you." ["Says the one in a baby's body."] ["Haha..."] ["Anyway, no one would believe in you. So, I'm the older one here in everyone's eyes."] ["You're an idiot, that's what you are."] ["I miss the days when you couldn't talk at all."] ["So funny. I remember very well that you said that you were anxious about the day I would start talking. You can't go back now."] ["I regret that day."]

“That bad?” “Everyone is annoying.” Marco snorted from across the table. Matias pointed his fork at him. “Especially people who think they're funny.” “I am funny.” “You're twenty-six and still play video games with a twelve-year-old.” “Exactly. That's why I'm funny.” Matias rolled his eyes before looking back at me. “Everyone suddenly acts weird in middle school.” I leaned forward. “Weird how?” “They care about everything.” I blinked. “That's very specific.”

I said, reaching for the breadbasket and yanking it toward me with unnecessary force. He cast me a bored look, “You're practically giving yourself away.” “Don’t flatter yourself,” I said, shoving half a breadstick into my mouth. “I’m too busy enjoying this exquisite display of your midlife crisis.” The girl gasped. “Midlife crisis? He’s only Twenty-five!” “Exactly,” I deadpanned, gesturing to the two of them. “The crisis starts now. You’re exhibit A.” “You’re drunk,” he said simply.

What could go wrong? "Calm down, it was only three bucks," I scoffed , both of us stopping at the marooned front entry doors .It was time to rehearse our pathetic threatics of two supposed love birds. What's funny is that I've never truly been in love before so I had zero clue on how I should act .If anything I'd learned from those cheesy teen romcoms is that love makes people do stupid ridiculous things such as writing cheesy love poems with really cringe love quotes adorned with little red hearts on them. I feel physically ill just by thinking about it.

He murmured, ruefully. I badly didn't want to see him sad anymore. "Jokes could help.You can tell me jokes" "Jokes"He said more to himself as if thinking of something up. "Well, I think I heard this somewhere,I don't really remember how it starts or ends but the punch line is...'Get lost,you old cargo'!" I grimaced. "So am I supposed to laugh to an half joke?" He pouted."I'm an hopeless joke teller" I couldn't stop myself from laughing not because of his half joke but because of how hopeless he looked.

“My God, I don't think I've played that game since college, and frankly I'd like to keep it that way because some memories should remain buried.” “Perfect,” Maddie declared, pointing at him as though he'd accidentally strengthened her argument. “The greatest tragedy of adulthood is that everyone eventually convinces themselves they've become mature, emotionally evolved, and far too sophisticated for bad decisions, when in reality most people desperately need to do something stupid every once in a while for the sake of their mental health.”