Funny Texts Novels & Stories

Asshole. I felt my phone vibrate almost immediately. I opened it, and it was a text. 𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵𝒀𝑴𝑶𝑼𝑺: 𝑫𝑶 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑴𝑌 𝑮𝑰𝑭𝑻, 𝑲𝑰𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑵?

"Sorry, I know this is weird. I wasn't sure where else to catch you." "You could've texted." "I know. I just." She shrugged, a little sheepish. "Figured this was better in person. Some things feel weird typing out." I got that more than I wanted to admit. There was a version of every hard conversation that felt easier said out loud, where you could watch a face react instead of guessing at tone through a screen, and some version of me respected her for choosing the harder version instead of the easy one. "You got a minute," she asked.

I didn't care for a bit. So I kept that message in sight as a humor trick. It was simply unstoppable the way Zachary made fun of my secret feelings, and yet, he could make me smile until the muscles in my face throbbed with pain. I would have gladly accepted the idea of replacing hugs and kisses with ridiculous text messages that always left me hungry to answer. The distraction was so great that I almost didn't even notice the time passed while laughing at the cell phone screen. "You get extremely scary making this face...

and gave it back. "Sent..." I furrowed my brows at her, "what if you sent it to a wrong person..?" "The person sent you a 'i hope the sex was good' text..." "Fuck.. okay that's them.." "Do your friends always make you celebrate by getting you laid?" I laughed and put my shirt on, "not really.. well they try but yesterday is the only night I gave in." "I'm glad you did... I had a great night..." "Me too thanks.."

He looks cute, I should take a picture and mock him for the rest of his life. I do exactly that, and it’s a brilliant picture. His mouth is half open and he looks so funny. My phone suddenly chimes again. I pick it up and it’s a text. From an unknown number. The same one from this morning. It reads: YOU DANCE WITH THE DEVIL, NOT KNOWING YOUR FEET ARE UPON HOT COALS. Wait a minute. That kind of sounds poetic, and poems usually always have some meaning behind them. Maybe these texts are not a prank, they could be warnings.

FROM KELVIN: So what exactly do you intend on doing because I can't even think of anything that can be done right now so please, let me know what you plan on doing so I can be on the same page with you. TO KELVIN: It’s easy. I will use a new line and text him. I’m sure he’d be surprised but I’d tell him I got his number from an advice website and decided to tell him of my problems. I sent the message knowing very well that it sounded very silly and Kelvin reacted with several laughing emojis to show that he was also finding my idea quite hilarious. I knew that it wouldn't really make any sense to a lot of people but it was something that I wanted to try and I just had a feeling that it could

It read: "I'm sorry I had to leave early, I made you breakfast, well something like it (a frowning emoji) wish I could make something better but I can’t handle a knife to chop up the veggies. Sorry. Enjoy that, if you can and oh (a smiling devil emoji) prepare for tonight's game finale (prepare to lose mu ahahahahahahaah (evil laughter I guess). See you tonight beautiful" And each time I read it; it feels like a whole new message. Damn! I was going crazy over a text and I like every bit of it.

I had to pretend like I was invested in the proposals of my top managers, when my body had suddenly grown hot. I wanted to respond, to say something sharp, something detached. Instead, I saved the damn picture. And from that moment on, it became routine. The texts started small—details about her day, random jokes, things that had no business amusing me. Such as; “Did you know Dolphins aren't truly the cute angels that cartoons make them out to be?” “You don’t use emojis, or stickers, or GIFs. Such a boring texter.”

Leaving me here with Cynthia alone" the text read. *lol, is she biting you, or what?* I replied. *No, but I don't know what to say to her* *Lol, u re a guy I am sure you will figure it out* I ended the text. “Ayo won't kill me," I said laughing out loud in the car, then another text came in. What can he want now? I checked but it wasn't from Ayo this time around. It was from Funke. *hello love* It read.

* She doesn't even know the difference between Naruto and Sasuke. *My Bad, I forgot to tell you I am not Jessica your friend, it's a Wrong Number* the texter said and I froze, did I just confessed my deepest secret to a total stranger. This the greatest joke of the century, thinking about it made me crack up the laugh I never knew I still had. *Come on Jess, be serious* I texted waiting for her reaction *I'm serious I am not your friend* she replied making me take a more serious feature.