Funny Texts Novels & Stories

"I knew right then she wasn't cut out for the big leagues." That was a recital when I was eight years old. It was my first time facing such a large audience, and I did get stage fright. But Rhys was the first one to rush onto the stage to comfort me back then. He told me, "Maeve, you played wonderfully. Those people just don't understand music." Now he was using it to humiliate me. Laughter echoed through the room, and my cheeks burned. He was mocking me in public, turning my past humiliation into a punchline.

she wailed uncontrollably, frantically clawing at Vanessa's clothes. Everyone in the room was stunned. "What are you doing?" Vanessa screamed as she struggled. "Let go, you insane woman! Investments always come with risk! How is it my fault if you lost money?" "Investments?" I scoffed coldly. I pulled out a thick stack of bank statements from my bag and slammed them onto the dining table. "You call these 'investments', Vanessa?" I glanced at the male colleagues who had been cracking vulgar jokes at the table earlier and said loudly, "Over the past six months, Vanessa has used Mr. Studdard's name to set up three investment group chats and scammed nearly six million dollars from everyone.

“And what's so bad about that?” “They're going to think I'm already in love with them,” I pouted. Melanie burst into a fit of laughter. “You're taking this far too seriously. Everyone texts with emojis these days. It almost means next to nothing now. Trust me.” My phone vibrated and I saw a text from Jace: Yay, she loves it. Immediately after, Jackson replied: Anytime princess. Jaxon texted: I'm glad you like it. I couldn't help the smile on my face. Melanie bumped shoulders with me. “I'm so happy seeing my best friend happy. You deserve all the happiness that's coming your way, Mia. And I mean it.”

A message bubble lit up under his name, cheerful and oblivious. Just another one of his dry, stupid jokes—something about his dinner being so terrible he was convinced the restaurant was trying to assassinate him with undercooked chicken. He'd probably attached one of those ridiculous GIFs he was always finding, something animated and silly that was meant to make me laugh.

Later that night, my phone buzzed with a message from an unknown number: **“Who the hell are you fucking with my man? You better stay away bitch or you gon’ have a taste of me mf.” I read it and burst out laughing so hard I had to sit on the edge of my bed. “Ewww, this is actually hilarious.” I knew it was Cassie. Instead of ignoring her, I decided to be evil. I squeezed my tits together, took a sexy shot, and typed: **“I know you missing these cuties. Can’t wait for you to come suck them.”** I hit send with a wicked grin. A few minutes later I texted Mila:

Before I locked my phone, I saw a previous text from almost a month ago when my thumb accidentally slid up: "Exactly, which is why you should ice skate." The text message read. "No. I'm not embarrassing myself. Today is all about you." stated my reply. Sebastian then sent a photo of the infamous "confused black girl meme," with her holding her palm up, wearing an irritated look on her face. I smiled to myself, remembering how hard I laughed when he sent me that. "You're an idiot, Sebastian." "A gorgeous one, though." the next text read. "Goodnight, Sebastian."

I couldn't afford to see him right now, and— Without wasting more time, I quickly texted him, my fingers trembling. Me: Please do not come. I'm very busy at work and can't afford any distractions. Hands still shaking, I sent the text, which he quickly read and began typing a response right away. Robert: Oh, you can't afford any distractions right now, and you're suddenly busy at work. But you weren't busy when you sent me nudes earlier right? Reading this text in his voice, I could tell he was being sarcastic.

I sighed, and so did Cole because the traffic didn't look like it would be ending soon. Feeling frustrated since there was no one to talk to, I brought out my phone and began to text my friend, Shelly. "Hy girl, how are you?" I sent the hit button, waiting for her response. "Fine, just tired." She responded to my text and included a yawning emoji, and I giggled softly. "Why?" I texted back with a questioning emoji. "Miss Lola is the devil herself." She replied. I hissed the moment I saw the name, but began laughing when she sent me a tired picture of herself.

"It worked. But he wants to be friends until after my birthday." "Ha!" Zane smacked my hand before I could reach into his coffee again. "Poor Linc's going to be in a world of hurt. I think I should help him by sending encouraging team-building texts like 'There is no I in team, but there is one in kiss.' Or maybe this one." Zane closed his eyes, then snapped them open. "'It's not the destination. It's the hot, wanton, sweaty journey.' Yes..." He nodded, and a self-satisfied smirk jacked up one side of his mouth. "... I like the last one best. Quick, take off your shirt so I can send him dirty picture texts with them."

By anyone, I mean, Drake Osborne. “You know I love it when you act so childish, it fucking turns me on!” he texts me, adding a love emoji at the end of his message. I think this guy is insane, or maybe he thinks that this is all some big comedy show where everyone acts like fucking clowns. I refuse to be a part of this silly comedy show, so I chose not to respond to his messages anymore. If I keep responding to him, he might think that I’m kidding around as well.