Humorous Dialogues Novels & Stories

“Actually, I was wondering, ‘What kind of an asshole kills 15 people?’ But then I remembered we’re talking about YOU.” “Keep making your jokes while you can, Mr. Carlson. It will be much harder when you don’t have a tongue.” Epicurus picks up the jumper cables connected to the car battery and sparks them against each other. “I thought we would start with something that won’t cut, or burn, or leave any SERIOUS damage. What do you think?” I force myself to turn away from the screen. “Okay,” I say nervously to Dominique. “Time to go.”

I mumbled. He scoffed. "I've seen mice more comfortable in my presence." He drawled. He glanced at me. "I'm not going to fire you, if you speak out of turn." I blinked, confused. It took me a minute to realize that he was joking. Richmond was joking. I looked at him wide eyed. "I didn't know you had a sense of humor." I asked, unable to hide my surprise. "I'm not a robot." I cracked. "Could've fooled me." I smirked. He rolled his eyes.

Human. “So,” he said after a moment, “the assumptions you made on page twelve… explain them again.” I launched into it, gesturing as I spoke, more animated now that I was fed and focused. Halfway through, I made an offhand joke about the market behaving like a stubborn child refusing to cooperate. To my surprise, Adrian laughed. Not a sharp, humorless sound. A real laugh. It caught me so off guard that I stopped talking mid-sentence. “What?” he asked, still smiling faintly.

"Ms. Sampson's villa isn't home for the homeless. They're your parents, aren't they, Felix? Figures. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Ugh, I can still smell the mud on them." Rage flared within my heart, but I held it back and quickly wiped the water off my in-laws. Diane had a short fuse. She would not stand for this insult, so she snapped, "And who are you supposed to be, you uneducated swine? How dare you call Felix a homeless man!" Zack did not hold back. Instead, he pressed on the attack. He picked up a ceramic ornament and hurled it at Diane. I deflected it with my hand, and the ornament grazed me.

People tried to talk me into meeting her, said I should hear her out, clear the air. I'd already been clear. Once she crossed that line, I was gone. I pushed the mess out of my head and looked out at the lake. Annoyed, I flicked a stone into the water and watched the ripples spread. "You look unhappy. If you don't mind, you can talk to me about it." The clear, spring-soft voice at my ear made me freeze. I turned.

The call came unusual. And unexpectedly funny. Immediately I picked the call. Selene spends several minutes complaining about a disastrous street-food adventure she and Ravenna attempted earlier in the day. I haven’t laughed this hard. “You wouldn’t believe I’ve used the toilet for more ten times Liora.” “Oh dear, Thats what you get for being adventurous. I laughed so hard. We turned the experience into an increasingly ridiculous story. I found myself laughing harder than I had in weeks. The ease of the conversation reminds me of how far we have come.

“I… I did it for us… You clearly have feelings for me… If Olivia were still alive, we could never be together…” Lucien was now fuming, and his grip tightened again. “Nonsense! The only person I love is Olivia! I never had feelings for you!” “No… That’s impossible… If you don’t have feelings for me, why were you nicer to me than to her…” The System’s cold and piercing voice suddenly sounded. [Warning! Warning! The protagonist's life is in critical condition! The protagonist's life is in critical condition! World collapse is imminent! World collapse is imminent!]

"What else would you call forced proximity with people who measure friendship in stock portfolios?" The laugh escapes before I can stop it. Real laughter. When was the last time I actually laughed at one of these events? Frederick grins. "There it is. I was starting to think everyone here had their smile surgically attached." "Some of us are just better at faking it." "Well, your fake smile is very convincing. Had me fooled all weekend." I take a sip of wine. Across the fire, Lucien is deep in conversation with Rowan Patterson and two other men. Business, probably. Always business.

I replied awkwardly. Sensing the shift in my mood, Lucas smoothly changed the subject. He started telling me silly jokes—some of them were terrible, but I appreciated the effort. I found myself laughing despite everything. For a moment, it felt nice. No pressure. No tension. Just two people sharing a light moment over coffee.

I kicked the chair next to me hard enough to send it sideways. "Joking around? Then why don't you put your own names and numbers out there and sell yourselves?" I looked them dead-on, one at a time. "Cut the chatter. We're going to the dean's office. Or I'm calling the police." The air fell silent for a few seconds–then they burst out laughing. Tara lifted her chin and tossed her hair. "Even if you take it to my dad, what is he going to do, Sophie? Really?"