Novel & Cerita I Didn't Know My Own Strength

I had faced worse. As I slowly lifted my hand and let it hover in front of me, I studied the way my fingers trembled slightly. They wouldn’t for long. My body was relearning its own strength, and I welcomed the challenge. I wasn’t the same woman I was before—no, I was stronger now. I had seen the darkest corners of this world and emerged, maybe not unscathed, but undefeated. I do not know how to explain it, a normal person should be weak after everything and I am, but my mind seemed to have a newfound surge of confidence it did not before, and I owned and welcomed it.

I was a man, why was I over here in a coffee shop, pouring my heart out? She released my chin and reached for my hand reassuringly, her eyes filled with understanding. “Strength isn’t about never feeling weak, dear. It’s about finding the courage to keep going, even when every fiber of your being wants to give up.” Her words struck a chord deep within me, resonating with the turmoil of emotions I had been grappling with. Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to stop wallowing in self-pity and start facing my problems head-on like Fallon had suggested.

“You don’t need to be strong anymore. They’re gone. Let. It. Go.” I wanted to tell him that I didn’t know how to. That I had only just discovered a way to be strong, and some major part of me wanted to latch on to this newfound strength for as long as possible, but my mouth was dry and unmoving. I couldn’t even feel my tongue. I was so cold that my entire body went numb.

"I thought it was. But now I realize I was just going through the motions. Playing a part in a story someone else wrote." "What story do you want to write now?" "I do not know yet. But I know I want it to be mine." I walked closer, close enough to see the exhaustion in her eyes, the pain she was trying so hard to hide. "You are one of the strongest people I have ever met." "I do not feel strong." "Strength is not about feeling invincible. It is about moving forward even when you are terrified." She looked up at me, and for a moment, the world went quiet again. Just like it did on her father's porch.

“You want my power? Then stop lying to yourself. You’re not strong enough because you don’t even know who you are.” “What?!” I yelled out angrily.

“I know it’s hard.” She didn’t move. “You feel like you don’t belong. Like no matter what you do, it won’t be enough.” My voice was stable, but something about saying it out loud made my throat tighten. “But you’re not alone in that.” A beat of silence. Then— “Do you still feel that way?” Her voice was small, but it sliced through me like a blade. I swallowed hard, forcing a smile. “Sometimes, but I learned something important. Strength isn’t just in shifting or running. It’s in how you handle the things you can’t change.”

​ A​nd I did​n't k⁠now‌ if I had the stren​gth to control it. Or if it would end up contr‍olling me.

I looked away. “I should be stronger than this.” “No.” The answer came immediately. I looked back. “No?” “No.” His voice was calm. “That is the mistake you keep making.” I frowned. “What mistake?” “Thinking strength means nothing hurts you.” The words settled. “Strength is knowing it hurts and still standing.” I didn’t answer. Because he was right. Annoying. But right. “You always have an answer.” “I usually do.” I raised an eyebrow. “There is arrogance.” “I warned you.”

I didn’t know if I’d be able to hold my ground. Didn’t know if I’d be able to look him in the eye and remember why I walked away in the first place. Didn’t know if I’d be able to resist falling right back into him, letting him convince me that we were worth saving. I didn’t know if I wanted to be saved. I had spent my whole life relying on myself. Surviving on my own strength, on my own resilience, on my own ability to keep moving forward no matter what. Now I didn’t even know how to stand up without him.

"Simply fantastic." Those stupid Elders were trying to get me against Del Morino but that won't work. I walked around the room feeling uneasy. "You are the Alpha," I told myself. "You're capable." However, the reality was that I lacked the strength I told myself I had. It was disheartening. And I had pushed the only person who could help me away.