Novel & Cerita I Got A Feeling That I Just Can't Erase

I thought this one would work, but unfortunately, it seemed impossible. Gosh, I feel trapped.

I just can’t seem to shake off these feelings. My whole life revolved around him, and I think that's a big part of why it's so difficult for me to move forward. I find myself reminiscing about the little things we shared—the inside jokes, the late-night talks, and the plans we made. I really hope I can find a way to let go because I don't have the strength to keep pretending that I'm okay when I’m really not. It’s exhausting to hide the pain I feel inside, and I wish I could find peace and freedom from these memories.

I tried to shake off the uneasy feeling growing inside me. But it didn’t go away. And I didn’t know why.

“I’m sorry. I’m just... I don’t know what I’m doing right now. Everything is so jumbled.” “Why?” I shook my head. I didn’t want to answer. I couldn’t say it. Not out loud. She waited like she already knew. She did I'm sure, so I finally broke. “I thought I understood what Gaia felt because we were marked. I could feel it. That clarity. That certainty.” The pressure crushed everything in my chest. “I just need to feel that again.”

I tried to scrub away the feeling of him, of what he’d done. “Yuck.” I said it aloud. What was wrong with me? I had to get it together. The cold air stung as I wiped myself down, trying to scrub away every trace of what he'd left behind. My hands shook, and I hated myself more with every swipe, as if getting rid of the physical evidence would somehow erase the feeling of being used.

He begged. There is no chance I'll go back running to him. He broke my trust before, he would do it again. But I can't seem to work and process without him. It's like I'm some kind of machine and he is the battery, the main power source and without it I'm nothing. I know I should not feel like that but if I'm being honest, I want him, I need him, and I love him no matter how many times I deny it. He makes me feel alive. His touch burns my skin but yet feels warm and sooths it. I had never felt anything like that in my life. Never felt more alive. He grew under my skin and no matter how hard I try I couldn't just shake him off.

The way I feel when I’m close to her. Yet it feels like whatever we had, is broken now. I don’t even know if I have the strength or the determination to try and fix it. Sweat has my shirt clinging to me. Beads of it running down my temples, trickling down my back. I don’t like this. Three times now, I’ve sensed a reason to stop but can’t put my finger on what it is.

I found myself seated on the floor, overwhelmed by a profound sadness that seemed to permeate the air around me. The room was enveloped in an eerie silence, broken only by the faint scratching of my pen against the blank page before me. It felt as though the pen itself struggled to give voice to the swirling emotions within me. I had desperately wanted to write down exactly what I felt, but somehow the paper stayed empty, and I couldn't have described it any better. The events of the previous day still consumed my thoughts, its memory hauntingly vivid. Despite my efforts to eject the image, his impassive face persistently plagued my consciousness.

And this time, of my own free will. I don't feel like I can go back now, but don't feel that tipsy anymore. I guess it's really time to get Julian out of my system too.

“Some men just don’t know when they’ve overstayed.” Her laughter crawls under my skin. I close my eyes, heart pounding, and for the first time, I feel it clearly — this fall isn’t finished. Something worse is coming. And I have no idea how to stop it.