I Miss The Old Me Novels & Stories

But what I didn't understand is why the hell my heart started beating fast like I had done a marathon. Today, I'm looking different, but it doesn't mean that it is my imitation. Maybe it had to do something with my feelings. The empty hole inside me craving for something; That has been missing for a long time. Maybe I'm not happy the way I was before. Maybe my eyes were not sparkling the way they did before. Maybe I'm not laughing the way I laughed before. Maybe you don't remember me the way you did before. Maybe you don't feel the same way about me the way you did before.

I truly missed using my own soap and I have to admit I am pleased at the first batch I’ve made in this world. I’ve grown so accustomed to my new life and the people in it that I’ve completely put aside my past and began accepting them as my new family. I do miss my old family but when your past hurts, who wouldn’t want a fresh new start? I went to sleep thinking what more could I ask for. I wanted things to stay like they were, wanted to be happy and carefree. Who knew fate, or should I say this world, had something else in store for me.

This brings me back to when I was a teenager - when Sara worked at a burger place a few blocks away and would bring Javy and me free milkshakes when she got off her shifts. God, I miss them so much. I miss when life was bright and full of possibilities. When dreams still felt like such magical, perfect things. When I still believed in real love. I'm proud of where I am now, but somewhere along the way I forgot to think about the sacrifices I'd have to make. Somewhere along the way I lost myself. My cheeks are wet. Geez, am I actually crying over a cheeseburger now? How pathetic can you get? I grab some paper napkins from my bag and dab at my face. I need to pull myself together.

As if he never hurt and left me for the damn eight long years! I kept telling myself that when the time comes we'd meet again, I won't be affected 'cause I've totally changed. But I guess, he's just right. I'm still the same exact young Irryn who was crazily in love with him back then... and worst, I could not even deny the truth that I missed him! I missed him so d*mn much!

A knock and Zia walks in. “How was your night? Let me see your wound.” She holds my leg up and undresses it. “You are better.” I smile and take my breakfast in a rush. When she walks out with the dishes. I walk to the closet, change from pajamas to fresh clothing, and limp down the stairs. Music and I arrange myself to give myself the best performance of my life. I miss being in the club and turning heads, but this is significantly better than watching the walls. I never thought I would miss coding, but I miss my laptop. I miss my house. I Miss the freedom of doing everything I want.

And I knew then—whatever piece of me my family tried to save tonight, they’d buried it instead. The old me was gone. And the new me didn’t want saving. ⸻

I promise to make it up to you. Me: How? I ask, pouting. Rhett: I'll be all yours tomorrow. 😋🤤 I blush, all the sadness gone. * I step into my gallery feeling like a completely new person. My gaze sweeps across the walls, and memories flood in, the late nights, the bursts of joy, the moments when my heart bled into every stroke of paint. Tears blur my vision as I realize how long it’s been since I truly felt connected to my art. I miss that vibrant, fearless version of myself, the one who lived through colors and canvases.

Sometimes I forget that the old me existed at all. Sometimes I wonder if he ever truly did. I miss him. God, I miss him so much, it feels like something is ripping inside me. I miss his certainty, his dreams, his ability to love freely without pre-calculating the consequences. I miss the version of myself who could laugh without flinching, who could sleep without waking up breathless, who could trust without weighing the danger. I miss my mom. Not the idea of her. Not the years I lost. Her.

The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, and Casp lets out what sounds like a forced chuckle. “Old times.” He sips from his bottle, and I do the same with my heart racing, something I least expected. It seems this one action has opened up the part of me that had a best friend. There is a moment of silence between the both of us before I speak. “I know things have not really been the same for the both of us, but honestly, I miss the old us.” It is the most disgusting thing I have had to say, but I think I have learned pretty well to be apologetic from the girl who sees herself as wrong and others as right.

God, what even is my life right now? Suddenly I miss Emi with a great deal of intensity, miss school, miss my brother, even though our relationship is mostly me taking care of him these days. I just miss my old life, where I felt…I don’t know. Safe. Human. Like myself.