I Never Thought Of It That Way Novels & Stories

Jacob is right, I have never been this way about anyone. I curled up there, not caring about the pillows. Why can't I stop thinking about him? What is happening to me?

I actually didn’t care what people thought about me. I remember this one time I saw Macie and her mother at the mall, her mother asked me if my mother knew what kind of a person I was and that was she accepting. It didn’t clicked to me until she asked that I have actually never thought about it. I had never thought of telling my mother who or what I was. I don’t know why but it just never registered to me that I had to declare a proclamation of who I was. Maybe it was because my mind is constantly worried about a lot of things it never got around being worried about telling my mother or other people who I was.

I stood there and looked at it. I thought about saying in passing, weeks ago, that sunflowers were the only flower that looked happy about existing. I had said it in a conversation about something else entirely, something that had moved on and left that detail behind. I had not been making a point about sunflowers. I had just said it the way you said things when you were talking to someone and not monitoring everything that came out of your mouth. He had filed it.

Her movements were gentle as she bandaged my feet for me. I was suddenly struck with a realization. Someone had done the same thing for me when I was younger. The incident had taken place when I was 13 years old. I had just found out that Dad and his childhood sweetheart had ended their own lives by jumping into the river. I had just jolted awake from a dream. I didn't even bother putting on my shoes before I sprinted toward the river. I had also hurt my feet then, and my heart had felt just as hollow when I dragged myself back home.

There had to be a better way of doing things, but I couldn't think of any. If Maverick thought his way of doing things was the best, I couldn't argue against it, but I could certainly wish for a better way.

“Mind sharing what you’re thinking so hard about? If you’re stuck on something, maybe having another head could help?” Angie stared blankly at him. "Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sorry. It's just a habit. Um." She cleared her throat. "I was just thinking about what you said. I never considered that before. It sounds outlandish but if it’s true… Won’t it be groundbreaking?”

"All this overthinking? That's on you." I emphasized those last three words. His expression shifted, like he wasn't sure what to say. "Just help me pack," I muttered, cutting him off before he could say anything else. I didn't want to doubt Wayne or assume the worst, but his whole defensive act had me spiraling down a rabbit hole I didn't even know existed. Sometimes, once the thought's there, you can't un-think it. As Wayne silently packed my stuff, my mind drifted to my engagement to Jace.

I got to my office and unlocked the door, breathing in the clean air that circulated it. I had just settled down on my chair when a light bulb struck. Why hadn't I thought of that? I almost face-palmed myself. I had a great idea!

People continue with their day. The moment disappears for everyone else. But not for me. Because one thought follows me all the way to first period. I could’ve stopped it. Not just today. Any day. Last week. Last year. The hundred other times it happened. I could’ve said something. Done something. Been better than this. And I didn’t. For the first time in a long time, I don’t like what that says about me. What’s worse? I think Ella figured that out long before I did.

"You think?" "I'm lost, Em. You left and I thought I could forget you by filling my time with other women and work. I tried so hard to purge you from my mind, heart, and everywhere really. But just when I started thinking it was possible to live without the love of my life, you showed up and despite being angry, I can't help wondering what it would have been like if you hadn't left. What if things had been different?"