Jeff Dunham Quotes Peanut Novels & Stories

He held up two fingers and knocked one down at a time as he spoke. “I like heavy metal and … my favorite sandwich to eat is peanut butter, bananas, and pickles.” “Yes, to the heavy metal, but gross to the sandwich. Did you just wake up one day and decide you were going to make the worst sandwich ever created?” My nose scrunched up and I think my stomach even curled. “Don’t knock it til you try it, babe. I promise it’ll change your life,” he said seriously. “I’ll pass. The only thing it’ll have me changing is my clothes.”

It specified no peanuts. "Did you read the brief?" Kellan looks at her, and she nods. "Then why does it have peanuts?" "It doesn't." Lyra looks at him, confused. "It tasted like it, so what's in it?" Maybe he is overreacting? "It's not peanuts. I didn't put a peanut in. I just added nut shavings." I fight back the laugh. I joked with Kellan about poisoning Darius, but did she actually do it? Or nearly did.

Nathan looks at my phone and starts laughing his ass off. “It seems, and I quote, ‘Damn girl, you’re giving me a boner’ and ‘Dutton, get the fuck out of my spot’,” Nathan chuckled. We all laugh hysterically. God, this is just what I needed. My friends are the best.

I mumbled to Drake as I took my items off the counter, leaving behind enough for all three things. Back outside we headed into a treeline to regroup so I could contact my fake ID connections. My steps hit some loose gravel accentuating how loud I already felt around Drake. Fumbling to open my candy I looked up to see Drake already smiling, popping his peanut M&Ms in his mouth one at a time, crunching each down with a dramatic first bite. “So what was so funny about my choice exactly?” I ask him as I tear open the bag with my teeth. “They’re just bad Reese’s Pieces. Peanut M&Ms are supreme,” he said simply, a mischievous crinkle to his eyes.

Pablo finished his adventurous eating story and Miller gaged while Ophelia laughed. "You are gross Pablo!" She laughed out loud and Miller nodded his head. "Seriously you ate those jelly doughnuts with vegemite?" Miller asked in disbelief and Ophelia turned to him. "How come you are not mentioning the mustard?" She asked and Miller shrugged. "Donuts with mustard isn't that bad. But vegemite! Gross!" He shuddered and Ophelia stared at them in disbelief. "You both are impossibly gross!" She shook her head. Her gaze was drawn to the restaurant's entrance when she heard loud and familiar laughter. When her gaze met the person's, he exclaimed.

he asked, I guess he heard. “It’s just, you are so thoughtful. You prepared every detail and even thought about a right moment of giving granny a present! It’s not every day, when I see Raffael King doing such things!” I explained, talking in his ear, because the music was loud, and I laughed. “Come on! It’s nothing special!” “Yeah, keep calming yourself!” He rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Peanut!” I laughed and then asked him: “You still haven’t told me, why you are calling me Peanut?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “And So?” “And that means your pull out game might not be half as strong as it used to be.” His jaw drops so comically, I almost drop my sandwich while laughing. “You take that back.” The statement is even funnier that I find myself laughing even harder. “Never.” “Battle line has been drawn Peanut. Hope you can handle mine.” “Bring it on Vaughnhottie.” He quirks an amused brow, a laugh playing on his lips. “Vaughnhottie?”

“YEAH ! LET THE UNINVITED MOTHERFVCKER GET A TASTE OF ALL OUR ATTENTION AND LOVE” “KILL ! KILL ! KILL !” “BARBECUE HIS ASS, FVCKERS !!” “EVERYONE SHUT THE “HELL” UP ! SEE ? SEE ? WHAT I DID THERE ?” “YEAH SUCKER. YOU USED A PUN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE” “HELL NO ! I AM PUN LORD” “NO YOU ARE POOP LORD. THAT’S IT” “SHUT UP, GUYS ! YOU ARE BEING SO UNCOOL”

"Is this lunch?" "Whenever you wanna eat it." He shrugs. "It's just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with some chips and cookies." "What kind of peanut butter and jelly?" "Crunchy peanut butter, strawberry jelly on white." "And the chips?" "Funyuns. I put a breath mint in there too, because I know you're self-conscious about it." I'm feeling lucky to know he's remembered all of this about me. For some reason I need to know he remembers the rest. "What about the cookies?"

“It’s a little wonder you were the best graduating student” Nate commented as they shared a laugh They talked about their college experiences. Ruby went on to tell him about how she dated a guy who didn’t like peanut butter and jelly. “He must be a real loser then,” Nate laughed again. “Who the hell doesn’t like peanut butter and jelly?”