tell me a filipino joke

“Nagliligpit ka…” puna ni Cassian sa ginagawa ni Ember na naabutan. “Why? Tapos na ba ang selebrasyon sa birthday ko?” Pilit na ngumiti si Ember at sinalubong ang mga tingin ni Cassian. “Naisip ko na hindi naman ako ang gusto mong kasama ngayon kaya hindi na ito kailangan. And about your birthday… may naisip akong mas magandang regalo para sa ‘yo. Sigurado kong magiging ma—” “Huwag ka na mag-abala,” putol ni Cassian sa sasabihin niya. “Hindi ko kailangan ng regalo mula sa ‘yo.” Natigilan si Ember. Napakurap. Mapait na nangiti sa sarili. Paano niya bang minahal ang lalaking ito sa harap niya nang gano’n katagal? Hindi lang lima kung hindi lampas dekada na espesyal ito sa kaniya at nag-iisang itinangi. “Promise,” muling wika ni Ember. “Promise at magugustuhan mo ang ireregalo ko. I want divorce, Cassian.” *************** Nang bumalik si Lauren, ang stepsister at dating kasintahan ng asawa niyang si Cassian Montgomery Syquia... alam na agad ni Ember na wala siyang laban. Mula pa noon ay alam ni Ember na si Lauren lang ang minahal ng asawa. At kahit ang sariling ina ay ito ang laging pinapaboran. Kaya bago pa siya masaktan ng lubusan, nagdesisyon si Ember na makipag-divorce para magparaya. Pero si Cassian? Bakit nang sabihin ni Ember na mag-divorce sila ay ayaw nito? At bakit kung kailan ayaw na niya ay saka naman ito naging interesado sa kaniya?

The woman dreamed of sleeping on an incredibly soft and comfortable bed. Her skin was pampered by the smoothness of the vast expanse of fabric. Perhaps she was lying on a giant fluffy marshmallow. The pleasure made her smile, a wide grin that revealed her white teeth. Her hands moved around on the bed, enjoying the comfortable touch between her skin and the oh-so-soft fabric. When was the last time she enjoyed such a soft and comfortable bed? She wasn't sure. Maybe it was during her last business trip to London. Back then, Big Boss had rented a luxurious suite for her to stay in with his only child who couldn't be far from his daddy. The business trip felt more like taking care of a toddler. No, actually, she was taking care of two toddlers - Big Boss's favorite child and Big Boss himself, the big baby who was more troublesome than his little daughter, Nora. Hmn! The difference was that on this comfortable bed, she could get a good quality sleep. There were no interruptions from Big Boss's children, no annoying single daddy shouting.

Jovian yang selalu mengejar mimpi yang tak pasti.Jovian hanya ingin ayahnya kembali dan ibunya bahagia, itu saja. Namun apakah kenyataannya seperti yang diharapkan?

Una pa lamang ay magustuhan na ni Helomina Ang binatang si Miguel na Ngayon lang niya nakilala. Ngunit ayaw niyang aminin sa kanyang sarili na gusto niya Ang binata. Dahil sa takot itong sumubok sa isang relasyon. Natatakot Kasi itong masaktan. Kaya minabuti na lamang niya itong irito sa kanyang matalik na kaibigan. Ngunit nalaman niya na may gusto Rin Pala Ang binata sa dalagang si Helomina. At inamin niya ito na siya Ang gusto niya at Hindi Ang kaibigan. Sa una ay nag-alinlangan Ang dalaga sa pagmamahal Ng binata ngunit hindi naglaun ay inamin din Ng dalaga na gusto niya Ang binata. Nagtagal Ang relasyon nila kahit malayo Ang binata sa dalaga. Pero dahil sa malayo at Hindi palaging nagkikita Ang dalawa ay nag-alinlangan Ang binata sa pagmamahal Ng dalaga. Kahit alam Naman niya Ang tunay na nararamdaman Ng dalaga para sa kanya. Kahit pa malayo sila sa isa't Isa naging tapat Naman Ang dalaga sa pagmamahal niya sa dalaga. Pero Hindi naglaon kahit mahal Ng binata Ang dalaga ay Hindi siya naging tapat dito. Dahil na rin sa hindi ito kapilinging Ang dalaga. Pero patuloy Rin ang pagmamahal Ng dalaga sa binata kahit na Kung minsan ay Hindi na ito nagpaparamdam sa dalaga. Kalaonan ay Ang binata na mismo Ang bumitiw sa relasyon Ng dalawa. Kahit masakit sa dalaga Ang katotohan na iniwan siya Ng kanyang minahal dahil Hindi niya ito kayang panindigan at ipaglaban. Nagdusa Ang dalaga dahil doon. Pero sa Oras na iyon ay may dumating sa kanyang buhay na isang lalaking na handa siya mahalin at ipaglaban. Kaya siyang panindingan at pasayahin sa abot Ng kanyang makakaya. Hindi Naman nabigo ang lalaki. Pero paano Kung may gustong bumalik sa buhay niya nagustong ipaglaban Ang pagmamahal niya pero huli na Ang lahat.

"You look like this is the last place you want to be just because I'm here. Am I really that vile?" Timothy said nothing. Instead he gritted his teeth and shoved his hands into his pocket. Even in her anger, Chloe noticed him... Every inch of him... And his smell. She could pick out his unique scent. Rough. Masculine and mouthwateringly . It made no sense to her, but she was attuned to his every nuance. The man she had called her best friend until a dizzying series of events dissolved the title like sugar in hot water stared at her dispassionately. It was a good thing they were outside and she hoped that he couldn't see the hurt and disappointment on her face. The look wasn't just in his eyes. It seeped through every shrug, every curl of lips she had once thought were the most perfectly created set of lips on earth. She looked deeper, pathetically desperate to find something else. Something more. A reminder of those times when they would talk to each other for hours, and resume conversations the moment they saw one another again. But clearly the Tim she knew had been replaced by a harder, edgier version of a Timothy Kavell - Packard. He was hard and edgy and cynical to start off with. If she had known that he hated her this much, she wouldn't have agreed to his parents' offer to have dinner with them. She had agreed because a part of her had hoped that somehow, they would fix things and be friends again... And she was just beginning to see how wrong she had been....

Yana Brighton (29) and billionaire Zach Lindsay (32) each get a second chance at love when they coincidentally meet at a business conference. Sparks fly instantly but Yana's overbearing and jealous boss Damon Blackstone causes them to lose contact. Fate intervenes and they reunite when Zach and his best friend Kyle Parker broker a with Yana's sister Laura Payne. An embittered Damon partners with Zach's gold-digger ex-girlfriend Natasha Gomez to seek revenge when Yana repeatedly rejects him and he later gets fired. Yana and Zach fall in love but a major scandal coupled with deception, trust issues and a near death experience leaves their relationship hanging in the balance. A heartbroken Yana disappears; she keeps her a secret while Zach struggles to find her and balance his work life. Months later, Yana returns home with new relationship terms but Zach pursues her until they rekindle their relationship and eventually get engaged. A complication later endangers both Yana and the baby's life, forcing Zach to make a tough decision for his family. Will LOVE and FAITH be enough to overcome all obstacles they face? Excerpt: Zach pressed my cold hand to his , right above his heart. "Feel what you do to me Yana…” He my forehead gently. "You have my heart forever and always.” My aching heart desperately wanted me to melt into his warm embrace, but I steeled my resolve. "You promised you would never hurt me Zach but look at us now…"Tears streamed down my face in torrents and I hiccupped, "I love you Zach, but I choose me this time.” A pained expression crossed his face and his eyes glossed over. Willing myself to look away, I quickly grabbed my bag and walked out the door. My heart broke with every step I took.

Menjalani hubungan tanpa ikatan dan tanpa perasaan, tidaklah semudah yang di bayangkan. Dari awal, Karin dan Pasha sudah sepakat, bahwa hubungan mereka hanyalah sebatas teman yang saling berbagi kesenangan di kala penat dalam mengejar impian. Akankah tumbuh cinta di antara keduanya?

Buong akala ni Azariah na magiging masaya ang pagsasama nila ni Damon bilang bagong mag asawa pero magiging impyerno pala ang buhay niya kasama ito. Napaka babaero nang asawa niya kahit pa noong nobyo niya pa lamang ito. Hindi siya nag atubili nang binigyan niya ito nang maraming chance sa pag aakalang mag babago pa ito. Kaya niyang mag tiis sa lahat nang pananakit nito sa kaniya at mga pambababae nito pero ang hindi niya ma atim nang ibinahay nito ang isa sa mga babae sa sarili nilang pamamahay. Kaya kahit na masakit para sa kaniya ay siya na ang kusang lumayo at iniwan ang asawa niya. Kung hindi nito kayang mag bago para sa ikaaayos nang pag sasama nila wala nang halaga ang manatili pa sa tabi nito. Hanggang sa muling pag tagpuin nang tandahana ang landas nila nang dati niyang kaibigan. Nang mag tapat ito nang nararamdaman sa kaniya ay hindi niya na ito pinakawalan pa. Mabait ito at masasabi niyang malayong malayo ang ugali nito sa ex-husband niya. Ito na nga ba ang lalaking mag mamahal sa kaniya nang totoo at hindi siya sasaktan? mahanap niya kaya rito ang pag mamahal na matagal niya nang inasam asam? o katulad lang din ba ito nang dati niyang asawa na sasaktan lang siya at lolokohin.

One of the biggest problem Candy Kane had Always faced is her insecurities towards her body. She feels she's ugly as sin with all the curves of a straight stick. She never acknowledge she was beautiful, desired, or approachable. Until someone who knew what and who he wanted, walked into her life, Showing Candy what she had been too blind to see, awakening every sensitive part of her body, worshiping and cherishing her from head to toe.

Isang maunawain, masipag, malambing at mabait na asawa si Janine, kaya naman nakatagpo rin siya nang isang responsableng lalaki si Rigor. Masaya ang buhay mag-asawa nila, kahit na tila hindi tanggap ng kanyang ina si Rigor, ganun rin naman ang mama ni Rigor sa kanya. Ngunit hindi iyon naging hadlang sa pagbuo nila ng masayang pamilya. Ngunit sa hindi inaasahan ay makakagawa ng matinding kasalanan si Rigor iyon ay ang nagawa niyang pagtaksilan ang kanyang asawa. Magawa kayang patawarin ni Janine si Rigor para sa buo at masayang pamilya nila o tuluyan niyang kalimutan ito at baguhin ang sarili. Paano sa pagbabago niya ay muling may dumating na bagong lalaki sa buhay niya. Sino ang pipiliin niya ang lalaking minahal niya noon at winasak ang puso niya o ang lalaking muling nagparamdam ng pagmamahal sa kanya?. "Gusto ko nang makakausap, pero wala akong makausap." "Gusto kong umiyak, pero wala akong maiyakan." "Gusto kong umalis, pero wala akong mapupuntahan." "I need a comfort but nobody's care. I want to run to leave the problem. But the world was so cruel. My grief seems endless." -Janine Mhae Santos-