I Lost the Bet, She Lost My Love
My wife, Kate Barker, who has insisted on maintaining a sexless marriage, is pregnant.
She prints out a thousand copies of her pregnancy reports and proudly announces to everyone that she's pregnant with someone else's child.
Apparently, Kate has made a bet with her best friends to see if I'll cause a huge ruckus over the announcement.
"Back when Neil wanted to marry you, he sank down to his knees in front of your mom. He even paused to kneel with every step he took from one end of the street to the other! Everyone was watching him, too!
"If he finds out that you're pregnant, he'll definitely go ballistic!"
Kate just frowns in disgust.
"I don't even have a proper marriage certificate with him, so there's no way we're husband and wife! All he does is wag his tail and act pitiful in front of my mom! If it wasn't for him, I'd have regained my freedom a long time ago!"
She's worried that I might get revenge on her unborn baby's biological father, so she orders her bodyguards to break one of my legs and lock me up in the basement for one week straight.
By the time I get released, Kate has already married another man overseas.
This time, I no longer cling to this relationship. Instead, I inform my mother-in-law, Margaret Gibbs, calmly, "I've lost the five-year bet, Margaret. I will honor my end of the bargain and vanish from everyone's lives forever."