聞こえぬ想い、骨まで届く

I don’t know what I was thinking. Strutting my ass right up in his territory, his club, after what I did. Who does that? Who would do something so stupid? Apparently, that would be me, moron numero uno, but it’s too late now; his man, Trent, has already spotted me. Ho boy, and if looks could kill that fine ass man would have been the last thing I saw. I can’t blame him. I give myself the same look regularly.

The mirror has not been my friend ever since that day. Still, I stood in front of it for an awfully long time tonight, what with the hundred outfits I tried on and making sure every lash was separated and elongated, every lock of curl in place, don’t even get me started on the shoes. The only thing I didn’t agonize over was my perfume. I’ve worn the same one for years now. My days of perfume whore have long been gone, and that is because of him, my mate whom I walked away from, Declan. He once told me how much he loved this one, and that was it; my whoring days were over.

The sheer desperation of making any amends is what drove me to my stupid strutting adventure tonight. No, that's a lie; it was fear, I'm afraid for him, and well, honestly, I wanted to see him with a longing that wouldn't be ignored any longer. Unfortunately, I doubt my carefully selected appearance or my once beloved perfume is going to save me. No, it won't, but it does provide me a thin armor that is getting me across this club floor, and I’ll definitely need it when I face him.

I'm surprised his man recognized me so fast with the long trench coat, and the hood pulled over my head. I thought it hid my face pretty well, but I guess walking into the club with a hood on probably bought me some attention from security anyway. This made me nervous, and I had to fight not to drag my steps. All it will take is the wrong person recognizing me in this place. His place...and I'll be in a world of hurt.

I haven't sensed them following and watching me for the past month. Declan's brother is the devil, though, and everyone knows the devil has demons everywhere. Not literally the devil. He's just an evil werewolf alpha with a big brother complex but that complex. Huge! and very much insane! I'm very familiar with it on a personal level. I also know Sabin is making plans for big brother, and I can't let that happen. 

Trent was still glaring at me when I came to a stop in front of him. "Hi Trent, how's it going?"

"Cut the bullshit, Ava. Why are you here?" Trent apparently wasn't in the mood to make nice with me.

It sucks; we were friends once. I dropped the open smile and cleared my throat. "I have some information that I need to share with Declan. Is he here tonight?"

"More bullshit, you found out he got himself a woman, didn't you. Came to stir shit up and cause problems for him." Trent was nodding like he had me all figured out but stopped when he took a look at my face. Watching as the heartbreak washed over it, and my eye's filled with wet. 

"You know what, Trent, I don't really need to see him. I'll tell you what I know real quick. Sabin has found some book and has a druid by the balls to help him. I don't know yet exactly what they're planning but tell Dec to watch his back. I'll be in touch when I find out more. Whatever it is, it's about Dec. I'm going to try to get my hands on the book."

As soon as I got it out and I  had spoken faster than I think I ever had, I turned on my heel and walked away. Making myself not run for the door. 

"Ava, wait a sec, dammit, hold up a minute!" Trent grabbed at me, which made my hood fall back, and turned me to face him. I was so humiliated by the tears streaming down my face and coming faster and heavier by the second. There was no way I could have stopped them, though.

"Hey, hey, I'm sorry. I thought you knew. I thought everyone knew by now." Trent said it softly, but it felt like an anvil to my heart. 

"By now?... How long?" I couldn't help the way my voice broke. I tried, but it wouldn't obey me. 

"Around four or five months."

I just nodded.

"Trent?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell him. Please don't tell him I know or that I was upset. Okay?"

"You know I can't promise you that. If he asks anything, then I'll be telling him." Trent was speaking real soft like he thought I might break into a million pieces. He would be right. I felt it was taking all of my strength to hold them all together. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm glad he has your loyalty like that. Suppose he doesn't ask, though. Please don't offer it."

"Okay, darlin. I won't just offer it."

"Is there a back way I could slip out? Would that be okay?"

"Sure, darlin, but I'll send Max with you. He'll make sure you get where you want to go."

"No! I mean, no, thank you. I'd rather not draw attention."

Trent looked behind me and nodded to someone. I looked over my shoulder but didn't see anyone. 

"What was that?"

"It was nothing. Don't worry about it. Here, I'll take you out the back."

Trent led me to a back door and opened it for me. I looked at him one last time."Thanks"

"No problem, darlin."

I noticed he was weirdly not looking me in the eye when he said it, though. After that, I started to feel like something was going on. 

I stepped outside, and the door was shut and locked behind me. When I turned to look at it, Declan was leaning against the side of the building. He lifted a hand, and a car drove up beside us. He walked over and opened the back door.

"After you, darlin."

My legs felt like rubber, and my fingers and toes started tingling. My face was a mess. I probably had mascara everywhere, and there I stood in front of the only man I ever loved. One that didn't belong to me anymore. One that belonged to someone else. 

"I appreciate the offer to drive me home, but I told Trent everything I could, and I'll be in touch when I have more information. I can see myself home."

"I'm not asking Ava. Get in the car."

God, he was so beautiful. I had felt like the luckiest girl in the world when he was mine, and I realized then that the hope that he would someday be again was what had been keeping me sane. It was what kept me going strong even when his brother did his damnedest to break me. I needed to get somewhere, far away from here, where I could let myself fall apart. 

"Really, Dec, I just came to help, and I'll be in touch as soon as I know more. So I'll be heading back now."

"You'll get in the car, or I'll place you in it. Now Ava!"

I had no choice because I knew there was no getting away. Declan would fight me and put me in the car. So I walked over, and he stepped back to allow me in the door. I climbed into the back seat, and he slid in after me and shut the door. As soon as his door shut, the car started moving. The privacy window was up, so it was just him and me.