Always On My Mind Novels & Stories

Jayson is constantly on my mind, consuming my thoughts to the point of madness. Here I am, sitting for what feels like an eternity, trapped in a cycle of starting without finishing. The phone keeps ringing, each call ignored because I refuse to be disturbed. Yet my mind remains stubbornly fixated on him, on Jayson, looping endlessly in my head.

I wanted to give a future to my work with no one can even dream of. I don't know when I started working and in the middle of it, I don't know when I will stop. But every time I do something read something or even trying to concentrate on what I am doing. My mind keeps going towards my munchkin. I was in no mood for disturbance while my mind well I'm ready to listen to me. Or maybe it was my heart that keeps telling me to check on her. I heard my door knock wondering, who could be there at this time?

It was so annoying to me that I still wondered about him, was still disappointed when he didn't give me some kind of attention. Yet, here I was, still salty about his not remembering. I didn't understand why I was so bothered, but there was no denying that I was. I'd be lying to myself if I kept denying it. But why was I so hung up? These feelings were bothersome and complicated and didn't make any sense. Maybe there was something I was overlooking.... Maybe I was too close to see what it was. *** "What circumstances would cause someone else to be constantly on your mind?" I asked.

I paid no attention to it; I was used to it. My mind is racing, and the word is on repeat… “Pickup by 9:00."

I should have treated it like everything else: temporary and irrelevant. Instead, it stayed at the back of my mind. Quiet. Persistent. I was meant to leave New York that day, but I stayed. And now she is in my house, in my bed, and in my life. She is no longer a passing moment. She is a constant. I exhaled sharply. “Focus.” I said it out loud because this line of thinking was exactly what I could not afford. Not now, when everything depended on control. My phone rang. Caleb. Of course.

Nothing is the way I believed it was. The realization sits heavily in my chest. Like a stone I cannot put down. The memory feeds something dark and relentless inside me, hardening my resolve. I push the thought away before it can gain momentum. One problem at a time. I can't afford to dwell on revelations that leave me with more questions than answers. Right now, there are more immediate concerns. The first being Mia. The last few days have made it increasingly difficult to see her in person. We've spoken over the phone several times.

Especially not after what almost happened just now. "What the hell is wrong with me? I think I'm losing my mind right now. What am I even thinking about all the time?"

But why can't I stop thinking about her? She keeps filtering into my mind like a damned broken record, always coming back no matter how hard I try to block her out. Her beautiful smile, aimed at me in such a genuine way. And those flashes of black and white I can’t comprehend, almost haunting me. It's driving me mad, giving me fucking migraines. "Are you even listening, boy?!" Mr. Thompson thunders, and I jolt, snapping out of my reverie. "Is everything okay, babe?" Vivian asks, her voice laced with concern. For a few seconds, I see Arella in her place, asking me the same question.

While still looking out the window, I slowly close my eyes and mentally ask, “Who is there one minute and gone the next?” The images keep flashing through my mind, but it doesn’t stop on anyone. I try to concentrate even harder about the individual being there and then gone. However, the images just keep flashing through my mind and never stop on one person. Dang it. I’m doing something wrong.