Dad Joke Pick Up Lines Novels & Stories

I started reciting all the cringy, weird and perverted pick up lines I could think of, all the while watching the jerk King lose his cool. I put my hand over my heart to make my performance seem unfeigned, looking all touched and moved, a bit misty-eyed too. "DARLING, who'd have ever imagined you to be so naughty when you asked me if I sat in sugar because I've got such a sweet ass... I mean buttocks(I feared these primordials would mistake my ass for a donkey if I didn't enlightened them with the specifics). That I'm in all of your inappropriate..."

The bloke said, I chuckle as the guy races off back to the pool area; dad puts my drink down in front of me then sits down looking at me. “When were you planning on telling him your age miss?” Dad asked, sounding a mixture of pissed off and tired. Taking a sip of my drink before I answered him, “I wasn’t, he was an idiot Dad, he lost me the minute he said that stupid pick-up line.” I replied.

I can guarantee you that my chat up lines are worse than anything you've ever heard! "spill Jones!" fuck her cheeky side is such a turn on. "haha, ok ok, feel my shirt. know what it's made of? boyfriend material!" "that's brilliant, another one?" "Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you got the nicest set of buns I've ever seen!" she's laughing so hard that she has tears in her eyes and her laugh is music to my ears. "now your turn!" "I've only ever said a chat-up line to someone once and that was because I lost a bet but it was... I think there's something wrong with my phone. your numbers not in there!"

Simon laughed and Emily rolled her eyes burying herself on her book once again. "I've g****ed once how to make someone fall in love with you." Jennifer laughed, I snap my head to look at her so fast, did she really g****ed that? She giggled and continued, "I didn't actually go through with anything g****e said, it was all full of really dumb pick up lines and all this about be yourself crap and tell her that she has pretty hair? I did find a pretty good theory about Jon Snow's mum though..." "You're such a charmer." I laughed and kissed her again. She was kissing my face repeatedly until we heard someone make a gagging/chocking sound. I turn to see Dimitri walking by.

Heavy with shit we weren’t saying. I cleared my throat. “Alright. That’s enough depressing hospital talk. You know what would really make my day better?” He glanced at me, brows raised. “A really dumb joke.” Andrew blinked. Then tilted his head a little, lips twitching like he was fighting a smile. “A dumb joke?” I nodded, lips curving around the cigarette still hanging from my mouth. “Come on. Hit me.” He gave me a look—half skeptical, half amused. “Fine. What do you call a sad strawberry?”

I replied, trying to look stern but failing miserably. “You mean you’re actually not gay?” She faked shock. “Ha ha, you’re hilarious. That’s it, the pick-up lines are coming back.” “Oh no, not the pick-up lines,” she cried with mock horror. “Oh yeah. I’ve got a ton of them, so one of them is bound to work,” I confirmed, trying to look more confident than I felt; nothing had worked so far and I had no idea where to go from here. “Jace, honestly, I don’t go for guys like you, so you’re wasting your time. ”She frowned a little, but other than that showed no emotions.

Besides, who exactly gave Todd the illusion that he was someone important? I scoffed. "Todd Westman, from the moment you had the audacity to spout all that, you lost the right to speak to me." People could only communicate meaningfully when they were on the same intellectual level. Seeing how resolute I was, Todd struggled frantically and screamed, "No… Babe, listen to me. I can explain. I was just confused for a second. I love you!" "Shut up. Just listening to you makes my ears feel dirty."

Then he opened his mouth, "you look like a mother! " What? What the hell I just heard! Did he lose his mind, from where she looks like a mother to him! She was like our's age for god sake, before I could say anything, again I heard! "And my friends call me motherfucker. " then he started chuckling! I facepalmed myself! He doesn't even know any decent pick-up line, and he was saying he can teach me humour! "Tell me again why are you with him? " I asked.

Act natural. “Yup, that’s me. Lucky.” “Wow. It’s still a shock. Remember when you told me you didn’t do girlfriends, Jace?” “I didn’t.” “So what are you saying she changed you?” Daisy laughed, like it was a big joke she was in on. I felt my cheeks heat up and looked down at my melting ice cream. This was supposed to be a fun afternoon. “What’s next, a big wedding, white picket fence and three kids, come on Jace, I know you-“

I raised an eyebrow, "Butter who?" "It's butter if you don't know," he said cracking up laughing half way and I stepped aside to let him in, he bent down kissing my cheek which felt strange "I have a pizza joke too but it's not that funny. Ooh what smells nice? I have pizza, monopoly, and shit six dollar wine I picked up from ALDI, if we get poisoned, call triple zero, so have that on speed dial"