Darkest Jokes Novels & Stories

“First of all, awesome, I’d love to know what’s in there. Second, this is the biggest floor asshole I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Is this an actual butt or is it one of those hella large worm caves I’ve seen in horror movies?” There’s silence for a longer while until the person starts laughing. “In all my centuries, I’ve never heard anyone address the void of souls as floor asshole. You got jokes, that much I can give you.” Grinning, I finally turn around and take a step to the side, careful not to be spartan kicked into the hole, in case I manage to annoy the guy or press the wrong buttons.

“Jesse, my man, which is why I’m encouraging you to talk some more! It doesn’t have to be about anything life changing. If you were me I’d say crack a joke but I don’t know if you even know any jokes.” “I know jokes.” His face lit up. “Oh yes? Tell me one then.” “Can you guess what the therapist said when I told my therapist I’m scared of dying alone? “Uh, no what?” “He said, “Most people don’t die with the company,” I said, chuckling. “Get it?” Rain looked at Matt. “Matt, am I supposed to laugh at that?” “Ideally someone is supposed to laugh when they tell a joke,” Matt said with a sigh. “Jesse, what have I told you about your morbid jokes?”

“I don’t.” “You make jokes about them all the time.” “What jokes?” “Come on. They run after mail carriers, are obsessed with squirrels. There was that night we met that wet dog that stank so bad—” “It was a joke. I had never even smelled a Were at the time!”

I didn't notice when the trembling finally stopped and I just sat there waiting for someone to come. I imagined myself falling into that bottomless pit I always dreamed about, tumbling through darkness with no end in sight. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, the universe always found a way to prove me wrong. It was like some cruel game, seeing how much pain one person could take before they finally broke completely. "What exactly can break Jude Laurent the most? How low can she get?" I mumbled to the empty room, my voice echoing off the destroyed walls.

"Hello everyone Good Evening, first I am so grateful to all of you who are here tonight. Thank you, that you chose to share your precious time to celebrate this memorable event with me. I am also grateful to this man over here, Dad, you are the father a daughter could ever ask for. Thank you for the 18 years of you taking care of me. I love you, Daddy" Dad wiped his tears while looking at me and I couldn't help but grin at him for being so emotional. I was slowly getting comfortable with the audience. I am good at this, "faking it to til you make it" kind of situation. It was one of the survival tips I learned from being with Dad. I jive more and entertained the crowd by cracking some joke,

Easter frowned trying to think but then shook her head negatively. "An impasta!" With that, they both started laughing making Sarah stare at the man dumbfounded. She heard this joke trillion times and she was sure this man must have used it many times as well but he was still laughing like a hyena. Darren looked up finding the woman he wanted to meet standing there with ridiculed expression openly telling him how lame his joke was. Sarah turned away from him grabbing the bags but watching her struggling with them he chuckled lowly standing up and making Easter look at him.

The man who created the joke was Nate Brighton. “No wonder I’ve smelled something disgusting, there is trash here apparently,” Nate sneered, followed by the laughter of his two friends. “Hey, did you forget to tell your clerk to clean,” his blonde friend sneered . “Hmm, they cleaned up earlier, but the trash show up again,” Nate explained. “Looks like your luxury car collection is very shiny and makes a hobo seem enchanted,” his long-haired friend said. “Nate, I think you need to be generous with him. Just give a little of your money to that beggar!” Nate’s friend exclaimed and mocking Nicko.

“Don’t you mean fangtastic?” “I most assuredly do not.” His face was now stern. I rolled my eyes. “OK, got it. Dick jokes are OK but vampire jokes are not. Touchy much?” His mouth was drawn in a thin line “Funny jokes are acceptable. Others should be met with the derision they deserve.” There was a pregnant pause and all silly jokes and puns rushed out of my head, so I settled for rolling my eyes at him as I jumped off the bar stool instead. “Do you have anyone you need to let know you’ll be away?” he asked

she complained "You'll have to do it, besides the moon is shining so brightly , come on! It will be fun, imagining playing hide and seek in the dark, who knows a monster may appear from the darkness and grab you" the other girls laughed but Zara felt an involuntary shiver run through her. She agreed grudgingly, she didn't think monsters exist, at least not in their little tribe. It only existed in her story books. "Okay I'll count from one to three ." she announced shutting her eyes closed.

I hit my head with my palm "stupid, so fucking stupid!" Tears were rushing down my eyes in their torrents. "Are you ok babes?" Kevin rushed up to me with a worried look on her face. I was heaving like a mad woman. She engulfed me in a hug. "I know that he is your man but are you not feeling a little too strongly for his dad?" That was Kevin, always looking for ways to lighten up the mood. Dark humor she always said makes the world go round. But I couldn't even laugh at the joke at this moment since I realized that I was the joke myself. For believing in Darius again and putting my heart on the line.