Emotional Closet Novels & Stories

“I just didn’t know how to handle everything so I pushed you away” I’ve never been good at communicating my feelings. I've never been good at even acknowledging them. When I’m stressed or over emotional, I shut down. I try to bury them so that I can function properly. Pushing my emotions down is usually better than acknowledging them. Now I know that isn’t healthy at all. “Are you okay now?” “Not all the way, but I will be” I assure her. I don’t know how I plan to do that, but I was going to come out of this stronger.

A bittersweet smile spread across my face, followed by a clenched fist that found its way to the shower wall with a satisfying thud. They were holding back. They kept their emotions in check because they didn't want me to feel the pain. They were being cautious, perhaps even too careful, at the cost of their own emotional resolution. I ran my fingers over the mark on my neck, that indelible symbol of connection, intimacy, and, in its own way, a commitment complicated by the very nature of who we were. I pressed against it lightly, then more firmly, an attempt to send a signal, a ripple through the emotional tapestry that bound us. In my mind, I was nudging them, prodding them to deal with th

“But they said it might not be the last attempt.” Her grip tightened on my jacket, like she was afraid if she let go, everything would spill over. I closed my eyes, a sensation I didn't recognize clawing at my throat. I had made her cry. The realization hit harder than any reprimand I’d ever taken. Guilt was not an emotion I understood. It was a foreign, poisonous thing. In seventeen years, I had never felt it. It wasn’t allowed where I came from. It wasn’t trained into you, it was beaten out of you. Emotion meant hesitation. Hesitation meant death.

“You’re blinded by her. Just like you always have been.” Their voices moved away. Footsteps retreated down the hallway. The bedroom door clicked shut. I stayed hidden for another minute, trying to pull myself together. When I finally stepped out of the closet, my legs were weak. I sank onto the edge of the bed and cried silently into my hands. Huge, ugly sobs that tore through my body. The kind of crying that comes from somewhere deeper than pain — from fear, from exhaustion, from the constant feeling that our peace was always one secret away from collapsing.

He pushes a hand out in front of me. My eyes falls on his outstretched hand and I debate taking it. Right now, I want to be alone with my feelings, crying until I’m numb but at the same time, I know that being alone in this mess is only going to wreck me further and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to handle what I’d do to myself. “I’ll be out in a second.” Before he can protest, I slam the door in his face and jog to the closet, searching for something appropriate to wear.

My chest feels tight with all the things I'm not saying, emotions I refuse to examine too closely. This is pathetic.

He was scared of being caught with Liam. If someone finds them in this state, then Liam would be outed and he would have to go through the same thing he went through. Quickly, he tiptoed to the darker side of the room and locked himself up in the closet. His heart pounding in his chest, he stayed there and waited till Aiden put Liam's clothes on, carried him on his shoulders and then left. “Phew!” He heaved a deep sigh of relief. So, how do you feel? The voice asked. Do you feel fulfilled? Better?

For these few moments , just for a bit , I feel everything – but once it is over , so am I. Closing my eyes , I think back – I think back to the sweet time where I felt everything all at once. I think back to the moments that I wished I could not feel ; ha! If only I had known back then. If only I had known what it would feel like to not understand the emotion laced in people’s voices , if only I had known back then the disadvantages I would face for not feeling ; maybe I would not have wished for that. However , wishes do not come true ; this coping mechanism is a learnt behavior. This coping mechanism has been activated today because of the events I went through years ago ; a daily action

"You're getting old sweety, and yet you haven't ever introduced a boyfriend to me. Tell me... when are you going to do that?" A certain long dead emotion suddenly built up in Blue as she heard those words from her mom. It was a familiar feeling that she had struggled to bury in the past but it seems it was about to elude again. She controlled herself a little so as not to explode right in front of her mom. "Can you please leave me, mom," Her voice cracked a little but luckily Mrs Alfred didn't notice it as she wanted to ask something else. "Are you planning to live here for eternity?"

The proximity they were at these days and the emotional upheaval caused all the repressed emotions to now show up, unable to hide inside. ----------