Funniest Dark Humor Jokes Novels & Stories

“You put it on every day before the uniform. But some things manage to pierce through.” That was when they discovered a peculiar, dark humor that only those who flirt with danger every day can cultivate. They started laughing at things that would horrify an ordinary civilian. Vick told him about a thief who tried to escape by jumping into a trash can and got stuck. Devon laughed about a situation where an angry cat attacked the crew during a minor kitchen fire, making it more dangerous than the flames themselves. They laughed not because the situations were funny, but because the absurdity was a necessary release valve. It was a secret language of survivors.

I burst out laughing so hard I nearly choked on my soda. Jenna looks deeply unimpressed. “Yeah, real fucking funny,” she mutters, side-eyeing both of us. “Keep laughing, you bunch of soggy mofos. I’ll remember this when you two need someone to body a man for you in public and I’m too busy teaching spin hooks to felons named Big Maria.” Dawn snorts into her drink. “You’d thrive in there, don’t lie.” “Shut up,” Jenna says, but she’s already smiling.

“I do not fall.” There was a pause. “No,” he said calmly. “You just look very funny while slipping.” The line went dead. I stood there for a long time. Then I began laughing again. Because if I did not laugh, I might start screaming. The televisions behind me kept talking. The city kept moving and for the first time in my life, I understood what it felt like to be the joke. But jokes can turn dark very quickly and I am very good at dark.

I narrated with a croaky voice that definitely made me sound like a homicidal maniac. Billy's eyes opened wide as he stared at me catatonically. "Please stop!" He pleaded in fear. I laughed hard as I knew that I'd gotten him good. He sneered at me contemptuously as I mocked his discomfort. "It's not funny..." He protested. "Actually it is... Maybe you're just too nerdy, that's why your brain can't process dark humor." I shot at him. Proud of myself for successfully terrorizing him, I turned the chair around and leaned back while I watched him.

“In the middle of a dark forest, a man and a woman have sex. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, ‘Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!’ The woman replies, ‘Me too. You’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!’” Then I burst into loud laughter. ********* “Stop it, Conan. For Christ’s sake.” I laughed frantically to get away from him. A chuckle broke out while he tickled my neck, armpits, and waist. “If you don’t stop being childish, I will surely kill you.” “Would you like me to tell you another joke?” “Oh, no!” I blurted out. “I’ll pee in my gown if you don’t stop your dirty jokes.”

“Are you allowed to make dead jokes about your parents?” “I know it’s rude,” he replied, grinning with zero shame. “It’s not supposed to be funny. But I get one morbid joke, don’t I? Don’t we all? Some day you’ll be making jokes about your family too.” I doubled over in laughter, the kind that shook my shoulders and made my ribs ache. Not because it was that funny, but because I needed it. Because it pulled me out of the heavy place in my mind where grief lived. Because he looked so happy saying such a thing when there was nothing to laugh about.

Life’s so unfair, man. “What does a spoon matter when we’re literally stuck in the middle of the woods with invisible monsters, shady, bad men and whatever else creeps around here? Can you please, for once, use your brain and kick some sense in the gear?” He whisper-hisses, so red in the face, he reminds me of a tomato. “You could join a casting for vegetable commercials looking like this,” I remark and laugh at the brilliant joke my brain just reacted. Shit, am I not the funniest guy out there? Look at me - sense of humor, looks, body and an impressive spoon collection, I have it all, damn it. No wonder my little vixen couldn’t deny me.

“HAHAHAHAHHA!” “I can’t believe our alpha is so…. HAHAHAHA!” “WEAK! HAHAHAHAHAH!” It was Augustus who continued Amadeo’s words, bursting out in laughter all together. Even Theodore was chuckling embarrassedly, hiding his laughter but his face says it all. He’s laughing at Dark too! “ENOUGH!” Dark slammed his hand on the table again. But fortunately, it didn’t break in two anymore. He stood up, his face as dark at the Northern stormy skies.

I threw a shadow sickle at the Dark Fae, which effectively decapitated it. Was this really the time for jokes? We were literally in the middle of fighting for our lives. ‘You’re such a bore. It’s always the time for a good joke.’ He scoffed at me. I sighed, knowing that he would not give in until I followed through with this. ‘Fine. Who’s there?’ ‘Fire up.’ I tilted my head, trying to anticipate where this might be going. Knowing him, it could literally be anywhere. ‘Fire up who?’ ‘Fire up the grill because we’re in the middle of a motherfucking BBQ!’

These jokers surely had to come soon, they only gave us enough food for a couple days. We were deep in a game of Bull Shit, one of my favorite card games when we heard someone. We both clung to each other and waited. After several locks and a bunch of noise, the door opened and there stood three guys, all in black with ski masks on. Sorry asses, can’t even show their faces. “You!” The guy pointed at Eve. We held each other tight. He walked toward her with a newspaper, shit he was going to do a ransom video or something, I’ve seen these on TV.