Funniest Dark Humor Jokes Novels & Stories

Bradley Fry, my CEO husband, loves bringing his friends home for meals the most. He claims that this makes them feel like an actual family. As they drink in the feast I've whipped up for everyone, one of Bradley's friends comments smilingly, "I knew that you were a virtuous one, Emily! Now this is how the legitimate wife should act!" My expression doesn't falter as I ask in a half-joking manner, "Oh? Does Bradley have a spoiled and pampered mistress by his side, then?" His friends are stunned by my question. A trace of panic crosses their eyes simultaneously. But Bradley just wraps an arm around my shoulders with a smile. "Don't listen to their nonsense, Emily. Who else is worthy as my

The malicious speculation online kept getting worse and worse. "He's probably just trying to make money off of all this." "Only someone desperate for money would be insane enough to do this." "I suggest everyone stop sympathizing with them. This is just a stunt to grab public attention." Some people even started fabricating "tragic stories" about our family. One said that we owed millions of dollars in debt, another claimed Mom had a terminal illness, and some even said Dad was being chased by debt collectors and was going to jump off a building.

The cracks never opened so much in my soul and my gnawed heart never felt so much pressure than now. “I don't know why you start crying, be thankful that you're still breathing. “Maybe it's better to die. “You don't want to die, Luna. “She states with sarcasm. I don't answer him. He is an idiot, a fucking rapist and murderer. It is all that and other adjectives that define a macabre being. “Despite being inexperienced, I had a good time,” he says deliberately.

A group of thugs dragged me into an alley. In a panic, I called my boyfriend thirty-nine times, only to have him decline every single call. My whole body trembled as I struggled desperately to break free. Just as they were about to strip me naked, laughter suddenly erupted around me. One by one, they removed their masks and caps. I looked up stiffly and saw that every one of them was someone close to me. My younger brother, Caleb Bennett, scoffed. "This is hilarious, sis. You should've seen the look on your face. Did you seriously think someone was stalking you?" My older brother, Adrian Bennett, teased, "How are you still this easy to scare after all these years?" My best friend, Maya Grant

"It happened in that warehouse apartment. He’d drugged me at the bar when I tried to seduce him. I smirked. "Sounds about right for a guy called Viper." "You don’t get it, Maria," she snapped, but there was no heat behind it — just frustration that I couldn’t see it the way she felt it. "He’s funny. But not ‘tell a joke’ funny. Dark funny. The kind of fun that makes you laugh when you’re scared. He says the filthiest crap. Stuff that should make you want to slap him, but then you want to fuck him instead."

He mused out loud, his voice filled with amusement. A sudden, breathless laugh escaped my lips before I could stop it. The sheer absurdity of his comparison broke through the heavy, dark fog that had been suffocating me all afternoon. It felt strange to laugh—truly laugh—after eight days of endless nightmare, but Earl had this bizarre, magnetic ability to make the heaviest room feel light.

The room went dead quiet when I said I would take the prize, but that quiet did not last. A second later, laughter thundered through the air. Lily Smith was the loudest, doubling over with tears streaming from her eyes. "How else could she be the top seller?" she cackled. "A woman like her has to have skin as thick as a rhino." I ignored her snide comments and kept my cool. "Just to be clear," I said, "since the company so generously 'rewarded' me with bathroom duty, that's all I'll be doing for the next three days. Everything else is off my plate."

“Don’t you mean fangtastic?” “I most assuredly do not.” His face was now stern. I rolled my eyes. “OK, got it. Dick jokes are OK but vampire jokes are not. Touchy much?” His mouth was drawn in a thin line “Funny jokes are acceptable. Others should be met with the derision they deserve.” There was a pregnant pause and all silly jokes and puns rushed out of my head, so I settled for rolling my eyes at him as I jumped off the bar stool instead. “Do you have anyone you need to let know you’ll be away?” he asked

His booming voice filled the air with glee, As he entertained us, setting spirits free. "Let's say old time jokes, shall we?" Chants of 'yes' sounded around the room. "Did you hear about the vampire who opened a bakery? He got into a lot of trouble because his cakes were always too bloody." The room erupted with laughter, a joyful sound, As we all shared in the mirth that went around. Stephanie chimed in with a witty remark, Adding to the humor, making the atmosphere spark. "Alpha Darwin, have you heard the one about the talking dog?

And then, almost reluctantly, he started laughing too. It wasn't joy. It wasn't relief. Nor would I dare say it was the kind of laughter born of despair. We were two people mocking the absurdity of the situation. He tried to resist, shaking his head and muttering, "This isn't funny," but the corners of his lips betrayed him. Soon, he couldn't stop laughing either. It was that ridiculous, uncontrollable laughter that arises when life plays the most absurd joke on you. We laughed until our sides ached, until tears blurred our vision, until the weight of the revelation transformed into something strangely light. For a moment, we weren't cousins, or friends, or enemies of fate; we were simply tw